


Ostwick Flowers

by Blueberrypomme



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cullen is not such a nice guy in this, Dealing with grief and loss, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Leliana even less so, M/M, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Starting a little farther back, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 83,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7834906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberrypomme/pseuds/Blueberrypomme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen flexed his hands causing his gloves to creak.  His patience worn thin by this impertinent girl.   "We have no allies, no soldiers.  We could end this war now.  She is condemning us to a slow death."</p>
<p>Leliana moved to stand in front of the tall man.  Even in the light, her face remained in shadow.  But it was Cassandra who spoke.</p>
<p>"We will be forcing our enemies to do the same against, we will be forcing their hand."  </p>
<p>Cullen moved to face Cassandra, just enough to avoid meeting Leliana's gaze.  "They already move against us.  We need to beat them now while we still have the advantage."  </p>
<p>Leliana continued to stare at Cullen as she spoke, "the Maker brought her to us.  What the Herald has will change the world.  We just have to convince her to let us have it."  </p>
<p>Cullen dragged his eyes to meet hers.  He understood his role.  He did not believe the Maker sent her, he would not send such destruction.  But their only hope of survival was through her.  He knew what he had to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Evelyn Trevelyan was a scientist and engineer before become the Inquisitor. She was working on the invention of gunpowder not knowing the vast devastation that would follow. How it would change how war was won. If she can bring this knowledge to the Inquisition then it might fall into the wrong hands. If she doesn't then it might anyways.
> 
> *********
> 
> This is my first attempt so please any feedback either by dm or in comments would be super helpful. My character is going for her own thing before the Breach. It will happen soon I am just trying to set up her backstory and little bit. I am also exploring the use of guns and explosives in this fic. Perhaps I am setting this a bit too far in the timeline of Thedas but the first chronicled use of gunpowder in war was in 1132 so I think it kind of works. Anyways we'll see!
> 
> The title comes from Hasan al-Rammah from the 13th century around modern Syria who studied the Chinese technology and described the fireworks as Chinese flowers.

A bead of sweat crept down her neck as Evelyn gazed out at towering building in the distance. Her breath became ragged as she imagined what her life would be like for the next several months. Your first time away from home will always be the farthest no matter where you end up, which is why Evelyn felt so alone at that moment. The wind picked up then which drew the heat away for a brief grateful moment before settling down again, sweltering weight hanging over her. She knew that this is where she is supposed so why did it feel so wrong?

There was no traffic around her now; in fact everyone seemed to give her a wide berth as if a barrier lay between her and the rest of the world. The wind seemed to have moved on past with no interest in returning which caused a stillness that fazed her more than it should have. She thought back to her decision to come here, which seemed like a good idea at the time. It still did to a certain degree. She wasn’t happy she knew that, and that she had a better chance of being happy elsewhere then there.

People told her she wore a guarded expression on her face, which became truer as of late, although it may have always been true. She thought this made her perceptive and clever. But if you looked into her large brown eyes at that moment, they would be hooded and shadowed which made her look sad and dissatisfied.

Not to say that this was always the case. She had a happy childhood though not ordinary by any means. She was deemed a genius at an early age and was encouraged to make the most of her mind. She was given tutors and extra classes to further broaden her mind. Almost right away she decided what she wanted to do. She wanted to study the nature and properties of chemicals and energy. Her mother was proud, showing her daughter off to everyone, her father was too although not in the same way. Her mother soaked up the praise on behalf of her daughter and became her spokesperson in a way to all those who knew her or who she had yet to meet. It wasn’t misplaced or malicious, just vain, as if it was the will of her mother alone that conjured such a brilliant child. Her father on the other hand was proud since he too was a scholar, although by adulthood, Evelyn would surpass her father. Humbled by this prospect made him more proud since children should surpass their parents.

She hadn’t thought about her father much. Occasionally his face would plunge into her thinking, an expectant face, a man who stood next to her, speculating on the universe. But it was her mother that occupied her mind lately. Their last meeting was awkward, tumultuous, and normal.

Her mother smoothed the material over her knees anklets her heels kick against the wall. Evelyn could see she was in a generous mood.

“I never thought about it.” Evelyn says concentrating on packing my things into a too small bag. “But it doesn’t surprise me.”

“Nor should it. One of Daniel’s sons will be there. He has asked about you.” She is gazing out at the trees outside the window. The wagon has pulled up and she sees the driver get out and walk into the house. “I told him that you will be arriving in two weeks so you have time to prepare.”

“Thank you.” She is happy to have her confidence again. “How are you?”

“I’m alright. This day will be over with soon.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright hon.” She pats her on the shoulder and gives her daughter an unexpected smile. “You will come back when this is all over.”

“Of course.” At the time, Evelyn fully believed that she would.  Closing the bag, Evelyn glanced at her mother, unsure of how to go about leaving. Her mother moves towards her to wrap her in an embrace. It is stiff and awkward as if hugging was something strange and foreign not something that happens between mothers and daughters. 

“Just think about it please.” She whispers before releasing her daughter.

“I have.”

 “It is the smart thing to do.”

 “I can’t, you must stop trying to give me away.”  She looks at Evelyn heartlessly. They stand in silence and listen for the meaningful sound of footsteps walking into the house and up the stairs towards them. There is no consolation for the two of them in these last moments. 

“Do you love me?” She asks Evelyn. 

“Yes.” 

“I have wondered if I love you. I care for you. I want to see you happy, fulfilled, but sometimes I see you and I see your father and brother and not me at all, and then I don’t love you. I don’t like that feeling but I can’t help it.” She is saddened by this revelation and Evelyn wants to but makes no move towards her.

The door knocks, opens and Evelyn walks out closing the door behind her. Once the door is closed she hears her mother sob once and then silence. That was a week ago.

She didn’t glanced around before walking up the path. She only walked two feet before am arm grasped her elbow preventing any further motion. She examined the stern face that belongs to her detainer. His face was young but clearly trials have made small lines around his eyes and mouth, full lips turned down in a frown now but she felt that they were always on the edge of a smile. Clearly he was trying to look tougher than he looked or felt. He had short wavy brown that has been tinted by many hours in the sun and light blue eyes that were opened wide, unblinking.

What are you doing?” Evelyn asked, rather hoarsely. She sees him give himself a little shake of the head before he releases her arm as if his arm acted on its own accord. He takes a step back before speaking, giving her space but close enough that Evelyn doesn’t think about running away.

“My apologies.” He seemed to have forgotten why he was there, and looked around for assistance, and finding none he turns back to you. “My name is Jason Asher Ms Trevelyan’. I am here to escort you to the tower so that you can meet your team.” That speech seemed to wear him out, and he glanced around with an air of restlessness to signal to Evelyn to proceed.

Their walk is amicable. Jason, seemingly released from what gripped him before, was talkative, eager to fill any silence throughout their journey. He talked about growing up in Starkhaven. He was actually born in a village outside but most people don’t know the name so he says Starkhaven. He has two brothers and three sisters and he is right in the middle of all of them. He often fought with his older brother when they were kids. But one winter took their youngest sister via pneumonia or something they never did find out for certain, and after that they agreed not to fight again. His dad owned a smithy and his mother sold pies and pastries to travellers and customers to her husband. While he was large and soft spoken she was small with a fiery voice that could beckon you from the next stead over, as she often did. When he spoke of his family the light in his eyes grew brighter, love fuelling the fire behind them. Evelyn was both envious and admiring of his home life.

Not meaning any malice, she asked him of anyone special he has in his life. This causes him to look away, and suddenly Evelyn felt embarrassed for them both for her intrusion. Before she can apologize, he looks back at her with a weak smile and replies that no, his work at the tower prevents him from actively pursuing anyone. But there is a girl who works in the city that gives him extra treats whenever he visits the shop she works at. He doesn’t know if that means anything or not. Evelyn smiles and says that it probably does. He is around her age, yet Evelyn feels much much older than him now.

Their path through the forest breaks open and they are in front of the tower that will be her home for the foreseeable future. Jason, along with her bags, walks up the stairs and towards the giant stone doors that separate the tower from the outside world.

When Connal Nevan first approached her back in Ostwick, she was not fully prepared for the magnitude of the project. She knew she was part of something and she knew her role in it, even if she didn’t know entirely what the ‘it’ was. Recently, she has heard through whispers, that a project leader was forced to resign. Apparently he failed to get the project moving forward expeditiously. This meant little to her then in Ostwick, far from the city, working away on her designs. But then a day after she heard those whispers the head of the entire operation came to her door. While she was asked for specifically by him, she didn’t delude herself by thinking she was the first choice. She had little experience leading a team which many felt that a leader of such an important project should have. After a long conversation Connal convince her as he said that it was her intimacy with the concept of gunpowder that would prove the most beneficial to their success. Then he left with a promise that she would meet her in Starkhaven.

Jason walked a few more feet before realizing Evelyn still hadn’t moved from their spot. 

“Sorry, I..uh…” Evelyn trailed off as she looked away from those deep blue eyes that showed concern where there should be none.

“Do not apologize. You have had a hard journey, I should have helped you up the stairs...I’m sorry...” Jason stammered his speech haltered and he gave a penitent frown. Everything that she had done and everything that stood before her and it was stairs that proved too much. It was too absurd. Before he could move towards her, Evelyn gave a light laugh, and the frown Jason wore turned into a smile. Suddenly they are the same age again.  “It seems we are both sorry when we shouldn’t be.” Evelyn said with a full smile. It wasn’t particularly funny, but Jason laughed with her and they both enjoyed the moment before Evelyn turned back to the tower.   Jason briefly squeezed her arm before releasing her and picking up the bag again. They reached the doors that loomed over the pair. Jason did not seem to be bothered by its enormity and he gave three short loud knocks on the door. A half second later the doors opened wide and Evelyn walked quickly through. Once inside the doors closed behind them with a resounding thud, ominous to no one but Evelyn.

The room was a vast cavern; a dense forest of spired glass and masonry lay sprawled before them, none of which muffled the echoes of their footsteps. Even the scores of men and women surrounding them appeared dwarfed by the space. Evelyn hadn’t said a word since she entered the room; the sudden shock of the cavernous room sapped her talent for conversation. Jason too seemed to forget his chatty demeanour upon entering. Finally an old man emerged from a side room and approached them. His face was long but his eyes were kind as he surveyed this new arrival.

“Welcome Evelyn Trevelyan, how was your journey? I am Heber Fionntan, Ardtus Ailceimic here in the tower, which just means I am the head alchemist in our department. We like our little titles here.” He smiled at that, a little smirk that let Evelyn in on a secret that only they would share. Evelyn smiled back already she liked him. “You will be leading our team and if you have any problems you can come to me and I will help you immediately.” The way he said that, in such a grandfatherly way invigorated Evelyn and her steps were lighter despite the week’s worth of travel.

Jason had left the bag and had given his farewell to them before seeing to his other duties. “Does he work here as well?” She realized that the questions sounds more weighty that it actually was and Fionntan turned to regard her, his brows raised. He suspected the extra meaning behind the questions, which caused heat to rise up Evelyn’s neck despite the falsity of his suspicions.

Fionntan let out a hearty laugh which took twenty years off his age.  “Come, it’s this way.” He waves his right hand towards the staircase and motions with his left for a worker to grab Evelyn’s bag. Evelyn followed Fionntan up the stairs, thoughts of Jason quickly forgotten in the excitement welling up inside Evelyn as she gazed around her. She followed Fionntan closely, feeling like she could lost for days if alone. As they entered one of the many corridors that circled the tower, Fionntan explained her role within the tower and the upcoming project she was to lead clearly eager to have input from Evelyn before she got lost to the project. He had some ideas of his own and wanted Evelyn to know what her opinion was on Hillard’s meditations on macrocosm philosophy based on the doctrines of positive philosophy were. She replied that his feeble wails of unteachable bigotry removed any insight he might have once had. This earned another hearty laugh from Fionntan. Yes, she was going to like it here. As long as they are all like him.

It turned out not everyone in her team was like Fionntan, not at all. Her next introduction was to a spindly man named Garbh about forty years old. Younger than Fionntan but certainly didn’t act like it. He always seemed on the verge of an outburst and everyone and everything around him. Currently the object of his scorn was his charcoal pencil, which seemed to be disobeying him and it looked like the pencil was in for a long lecture about proper functioning of inanimate tools. Introductions were brief, in which Evelyn was glad, and they quickly left Garbh to upbraid his defying stationery. Luckily the next person was not as crotchety as Garbh but still not as welcoming as Fionntan. She was named Alison and they found her buried behind about a dozen books. She was quite young which was a pleasant surprise, and also quite beautiful with long black locks tucked away from her soft oval face. Alison looked up from her notes with an expression not unlike Garbh’s but quickly dissolved into a more amiable expression when she spotted Fionntan. Her eyes were so dark that they might as well have been black for all Evelyn could discern. She looked Evelyn up and down and Evelyn felt like a horse up for an auction. In less than a second Evelyn felt stripped and exposed under Alison’s scrutiny. With a faintly audible click of her tongue Alison dismissed Evelyn from the conversation and informed Fionntan of some ingredients she needed for her next experiment. Evelyn, knowing better than to fight Alison at this moment, looked around the large room and found many individuals hunched over their desks writing, or mixing liquids, heating them up, cooling them down. There was an inaudible buzz of energy that Evelyn could feel deep in her bones. Evelyn drank in the energy, allowing it to wash away her anxiety she has held on to for so long. Evelyn came back to the conversation just in time for Fionntan to introduce Evelyn to Alison. Alison’s black eyes widened in surprise to hear Evelyn was to her superior. Recovering quickly, Alison became all poise and nodded to Evelyn, welcoming her to the tower. Evelyn nodded acknowledging the power switch.

The rest was a blur to Evelyn, she tried remembering everyone’s names and stations but the weeks worth of traveling and the accumulated stress quickly overcame Evelyn and she told Fionntan that she needed to retire for the day. Fionntan gave her a reassuring smile and led her away from the office. After escorting Evelyn to her quarters he squeezed her hand and said his goodnights.

It was the bottom of the day and Evelyn felt she deserved to retire early tonight. She didn’t bother unpacking her bags except to brush her teeth and pull out a worn journal and place it carefully on her desk. The journal bore no title and looked ordinary and indeed was to everyone but Evelyn. Inside contained explicit notes from her father and then from her. It seemed like a bad idea to contain your entire life’s work inside one document, but even if she made copies, if this one perished she would lose everything.

The grief that so often took Evelyn when thinking of her father, took her now. Her chest constricted and tears danced in her eyes. Time does not help, despite what the experts say.


	2. Ostwick Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn embarks on her new project and meets more of the Nevan family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and be more brief with the walkup to the Breach. I planned on only a chapter or two but it has gotten away from me. Please definitely send comments. I like to say it makes sense but maybe it doesn't to anyone but me.

  The next week passes quickly. Evelyn quickly learned (relearned) the names of those who worked under her, and those of her current station. Of those promoted above there was only Fionntan and Connal Nevan of whom she had met just the once. Connal was a tall man, well muscled, with broad shoulders that balanced a narrow waist. His clothing was tight enough that she could see the muscles tighten underneath as he moved around. His hands were rough but not calloused like she is used to. His blue eyes didn’t seem to hide his emotions like his face would. She could see a predacious nature behind his eyes, ready to emerge when necessary. Those that knew him never said he was cruel or severe but neither did they say he was kind or compassionate. That usually meant the former rather than the latter. She knew of stories as well. He was brilliant and well educated, and ambitious. While the eldest Nevan was a decorated general trained to fight and to reign over his house when his time finally came. Connal would never get that opportunity. It bothered him. No one said anything of course, but it was clear to anyone with eyes. He wanted to bring Starkhaven into a new age with new technology and his brother was content to let the country crumble away while their enemies continued to build their empires. Connal was not bloodthirsty, he did not wish to see the front of a battlefield. But, if he had his way, no one would ever again. Casualties would remain, they always would but soldiers would not be needed anymore. But he was leashed by his elder brother, which Connal would never forget.

Her meeting with him was long and arduous, Connal already convinced of her role.  He steepled his hands, leaned back and peered at Evelyn. “Your name reached my ears through Arca Linbold, he recommended you for this position.”

In recognition of her old friend, Evelyn smiled, “I am surprised and happy that he remembers me well enough to recommend me. I didn’t know he kept up with his old workplace.”

 “Not so much with the workplace as with you. He told me about your research that you two did and of your father of course.” Evelyn’s face visibly darkened by the mention of her father Bann Trevelyan’. She knew her father’s name would drop but it always stung.

“I knew your father from a long time ago.” This surprised Evelyn, her father never mentioned this connection before. She didn’t think he kept any secrets from her. “This was when I was very young, maybe about five or six years old. I was visiting Ostwick with my family and we took a tour of father’s workplace. He came out to greet us in a suit that made him look twice the size he was with a helmet that obscured his entire face and gloves that could crush a horse. I was frightened half to death! A deep belly laugh erupted from inside the suit and your father removed the helmet with a large smile. He must have seen my face. He bent down and spoke softly to me, comforted me and let me put on the helmet. I remember it was very heavy, I had to hold it up with both hands or else I would have fallen over. He gave us all a tour but I felt like he spoke specifically to me. From then I was addicted.”

“My father never mentioned this to me,” I conceded. “That doesn’t surprise me, it was actually a secret visit. He wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, even you. It speaks highly of him that he kept his word.” He patted his face before placing his hands on the table. “Since I only know how, I will be blunt. I would like us to work together, and bring this project finally to light. The future you see is also the future I wish to see for my people, our people. I struggled for a long time to envision the steps required but you seemed to have put everything together superbly making it look effortless.”

Evelyn smiled slightly but her eyes flashed with unabashed pride.  “Thank you, but do not think that I have not struggled with the same vision as you did. I have been researching this for many years and this semblance of ease today only disguised the vast amount of energy I put into this.”   
Connal waved his hands as if to calm a frightened horse. “My pardon, I didn’t mean to imply that at all,” he apologized. “You have set in motion something that I have strived to do for so long. You have renewed my resolve, and I hope that I can do the same for you in the future.” A suggestion of a smile flickered on his face before he grew serious again. We have a lot of work ahead but I have no doubt that we shall accomplish much together.” No smile this time but there was a weight to his words that Evelyn could feel move inside her. His gaze held hers and she found herself admiring the composition of his face. His blue eyes mimicking the sea after a storm, with a strong jaw showing the hint of stubble. She didn’t think she liked long hair but his didn’t seem to bother her, not at all.

He continued, “Tell me, what are we doing wrong?” With this he leaned over the table towards her, his eyes gleaming. Possibilities limitless.  
She worked for him, technically. He lead the entire operation, her research was part of it, which meant it was his research too. But even so, she was reluctant to part with it. Her father trusted him obviously. It looked like she would have to. She took out her journal and opened to the first page. She explained the journal to him, and her designs, some modeled from her father, some her own. He understood everything she said, the lightning behind his eyes flared. 

  
                                                                                                                 *********

  
In the last week she had maybe slept three or four hours each night, staying either in the communal workspace or in her room. Alison also quickly warmed up to her, either for ambitions or because she simply liked Evelyn, Evelyn hadn’t decided yet. Alison also was tasked with helping Evelyn with the presentation and the two of them would spend almost every waking hour beside each other. While Evelyn developed bags under eyes Alison didn’t seemed visibly fazed at all by the lack of sleep. Evelyn made a mental note to ask her about this secret later on.  
Conversations with Alison are easy now after their first meeting. She smiles at Evelyn all too easily and leans against wall, door frames, anything really, and will stare at her knowingly. Evelyn is not put off by this attention and has thought on more than one occasion to reach for Alison, to touch her in any way. A brush across the arm, fingertips touching, anything really. But she hesitates. Alison had the attitude that was carefree when it came to relationships, she didn’t seem bothered by anything casual. Evelyn is at a loss by this and feels these moments slip away from her far too often.

The night before the presentation Alison was in Evelyn’s room on her bed while Evelyn was at her desk. Papers were strewn everywhere, but to the trained eye there was a method to the seeming madness. It was past midnight and Evelyn was exhausted and stated so to Alison.

Alison smiles as she does, and stands looking at her for a few moments, making an unknown decision, and leaves Evelyn alone with previous opportunity still lingering in the air. After staring at the departed form Evelyn gathers the papers from the bed and crawls under the covers and turned off the light.

In her room there is the dense dimensionless feeling of going to sleep in the dark and waking up in the dark and wondering about the hours until dawn. It would do her no good to lie in her bed staring, so she gets up and wanders around the halls in the dark.  She lets her mind wander, thankfully away from Alison and towards tomorrow’s meeting. Not everyone was as enthusiastic as Connal, and there was already pressure for her to perform. People were unconvinced to abandon previous failed work, and she didn’t want to dismiss it entirely. But they were no closer to their goal and she thinks that this was holding them back.  Her musings lead her down a familiar path and she found herself back in the workspace. No one was around at this time of night. Everyone had prepared as much as they could for tomorrow, so they had retired to bed. She looked around the large communal space and she saw a light on in a room that hadn’t been lit at all this week. Connal’s office. He hadn’t been there when she arrived, with news that he would be arriving later on. That would be tonight.

Faintly she could hear voices coming from his room. Evelyn couldn’t help herself; silently she crept over to the door and edged her ear towards the door. She could hear two voices coming from the inside, two male voices arguing, one belonging to Connal.

Unable to turn away, Evelyn scrambled to catch up to the conversation. “I don’t keep secrets.” The first voice said, this wasn’t Connal, he was angry, with a slight whine to the voice as if he was used to this argument and he never came out on top. “Those I suppose you do.” 

“Sometimes I do. But not about this.” The second voice, Connal, knows it loses nothing admitting that. 

“And you lie about things.” 

“Not about this. Plus, I don’t see why it is necessary. None of it concerns you and if any of it does, I will send you a report of any relevant information.” 

“Because I cannot trust you or your minions to pass on the relevant information! Somehow it never reaches my ears until its too late and I am left scrambling to pick up the pieces. We are in a precarious situation brother. We are flushed with money now, but resources are limited, our friends don’t want to help us any more than they have to, I don’t need to remind you.” 

A brief pause, “no, you don’t.”

Evelyn could imagine exasperated hands being thrown up in the air by the first speaker, and trouncing around the room before settling again on the Connal. “Why then don’t you want me there? Afraid you will be upstaged by your little brother?” This last part turned mocking and Connal failed to retaliate. This discourse burned at Evelyn. This takes time, you cannot rush it. You rush it and people die. She hated bullies, and she knew she found one on the other side of the door.

When Connal answered it was cold and stilted. “I will see you tomorrow morning then.” This said slowly as if it took him all his effort to utter.

After a pause the second voice answered, all mocking removed. “I’m sorry...” the voice repented “...Co...”

 “Leave.”

 Evelyn heard footsteps towards the door and Evelyn just enough time to duck around the corner before a body emerged from the office. Evelyn didn’t turn to see who belonged to the nameless voice as she quietly raced back to her apartment. She closed the door to her room and rested her body against it, breathing heavily.

She has seen this all before. The least of us have seen a hundred. Fights amongst family. She guesses the other voice to be Ronan, if Connal only has one younger brother, which Evelyn believes to be true. Evelyn wants to believe that that’s what provoked Ronan to mercilessly tease his brother was something born of sibling rivalry and nothing more sinister than that. A hundred private explanations and exaltations come rushing into her mind. She thinks of her own fights with her brother, father and mother, so many hurtful words said with no meaning behind them except to hurt the other person. She never had to work with any of her family and finds no luxury in doing so.

Having forgiven the brothers for their squabble, her mind returns to the well worn path of presentation tomorrow. She climbs into bed and closes her eyes and tries to sleep. For a moment she finds it really quite easy and agreeable that the future at least her part in it, remained unassumed.


	3. Generally Speaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will get to the Breach, I am thinking of making a little Breach chapter ahead of schedule in case people are bored with the setup. I have a plan so hopefully people stick around to see how it plays out. Let me know what you think. Also if I getting some things wrong about places or whatnot let me know. I don't have intimate knowledge about this so I am going with Wikipedia.
> 
> Also I didn't bother explaining the process of bomb making. I might get to it later but I don't think it entirely matters yet so I will leave it out.

_Tap-tap-tap_

Rain, she was dreaming of rain again. Then, Alison’s voice brought her crashing back from her dream. Evelyn opened her eyes wide to find the woman standing over her shaking her firmly in an effort to get her to awaken.

“We’re late!” Alison remarked irritably shoving tea and a biscuit in Evelyn’s face. “Eat, you have five minutes before we are expected.” Jumping out of bed, Evelyn scrambled out of bed, and splashed her face with some cold water. Alison ran a hurried brush through Evelyn’s unruly hair, tsking at the knots and Evelyn wolfed down her biscuit and downed her tea is one gulp.

Turning Evelyn towards her Alison stared at Evelyn causing her to squirm under her gaze. Alison smiled and kissed Evelyn lightly on the lips, her lips just brushing Evelyn’s. Retreating from her face, Alison smiled again. “Ready?” Evelyn nodded, “Let’s go!”

The trip from their apartments to the work space was silent and each ran over their speech. Everyone was already seated of course, as Evelyn and Alison moved to the front of the audience. As soon as she sat down the doors at the far end opened and two tall men strode through the opening trailed by two assistants. The two brothers from last night _._ Evelyn could see the resemblance clearly. From her spot in the front Evelyn could clearly see that each of them were careful not to brush shoulders with the other. Last night argument not forgotten by either of them. The four of them took the four remaining seats in the front that lay reserved for them. Connal made direct eye contact with Evelyn. His eyes were sad, but hopeful that she would change that at any moment.

Both men were handsome, tall, broad shouldered, dark hair, blue eyes. Connal had longer hair tied in the back while Ronan’s, while shorter let his dance around his face. Both were similar in age. There was something vaguely unsettling about the way Ronan carried himself. She could see a scar cut down the left side of the face of the man with the shorter hair.

Ronan was not a scholar. His part in this project was not entirely clear. He was the leader of Starkhaven's army directly under Vael, but that didn’t necessitate his presence here. She felt he would only get in the way, either by questions that he might understand the answers to, or his unwillingness to embrace the unknown. They were all dealing with something they didn’t entirely understand and they were supposed to solve the world’s problems with it. But dealing with the unknown was what drew Evelyn to this in the first place.

Sebastian Vael held the country. It was rumored that he wanted more aggression from this project. Perhaps he brought his commander, Ronan, to oversee the direction. The brothers would act as a balance against the other. Vael knew both the brothers well. Neither Ronan nor Connal were placed above one another and one could almost think that if this wasn’t such a dire situation that this was one of his schemes to get the brothers to get along. Ronan assumed command less than a year ago establishing a place for him in Starkhaven with Connal while overseeing his other duties with his army. Ultimately, Vael would have final say on a major decision. Only he could overrule the brothers. Ronan conceded any input on design concepts, admitting his lack of knowledge, but refused to concede authority on anything else. He established rings of security within and between the departments and locations. His reasoning is that there are always spies lurking and that working on an isolated piece should still allow the construction of the puzzle as a whole. This is why Evelyn was working in Ostwick cut off from the others, only knowing what they felt she needed to know. Now she was seeing more of the puzzle, but still not enough to have been as frightened as she should have been.

“This morning what I want to do is show you how we’ve made our first successful step to a future without war...” Evelyn found her stride. She showed the group her design concepts, her formulas and her ideas.  Things still weren’t fully formed but she knew she was on the right track. “The Yan method was the only promising method at the time when this all started. But it isn’t working now,” she explained. “It requires highly consumable chemicals which end up dissolving the machine before it can reach the temperature we need to fire. If we can accelerate through these speeds then we can eclipse the threat of tearing.”

A voice from the audience calls out, “Is this even possible?”

 “I don’t know, “Evelyn conceded. “That is why I think we need to abandon the Yan method at this time.” This caused uproar in her audience. Even here, people were unwilling to leave what they know.

A different man from earlier now stood up. “We know there are problems, but unless there is a viable alternative we shouldn’t abandon it. I have seen the designs; it is possible. I have been researching this for almost a decade and at this moment we have yielded 60% success rate. This number is only expected to increase with time.” The audience was murmuring in agreement.  She had lost her audience. It grated on Evelyn how narrow- minded these people were being. They are supposed to lead the world into the future, yet they cling to outdated models and archaic theories.

“How long are you expected to flounder with incomplete results?” The audience ceased their murmuring. “The Yan method works for many things, but _not_ this. It is time to accept that. 60% after all this time?” She was angry by his officious attitude. “How can you stand here and tell me that _that_ is promising? We can do better but not with the methods we are using now. If you cannot accept that they I hear the Qunari are looking for some recruits.” The jab at their enemy grew laughter from the audience. They were hers once more.

She sat down and let Alison answer the rest of the questions. She was done for the day and there was still so much ahead of her. She had won this small battle but people were going to fight her again. But, hopefully, they would realize that they were getting nowhere before. All she had to do was produce results. Quickly.

She had sat beside Fionntan and tried to relax against he back of the wall. He reached over and squeezed her hand. Looking over at him she saw all the lines on his face for what they were. Some belonged to natural age, some to the loss of his wife only a few years ago, but most were from this. Your life is consumed, suffering for those brief moments of clarity, when the world was right before clouding over again. She would look like that in time, maybe she did already.

Following their presentation, Evelyn met with Connal, his brother, Fionntan, and Alison in Connal’s office. While Connal’s office wasn’t small it was cramped with the four of them. Connal took his seat behind his desk while Fionntan and Alison took the only seats left leaving Evelyn to stand near the door while Connal’s brother leaned against the wall. There was a moment of silence after everyone got settled, Connal was the one to break it. “Well, that went better than I expected.” He said with a slight smile. This caused Evelyn to smirk, meeting his eyes. Fionntan laughed quietly, Alison smiled unabashly at Evelyn, and Ronan stared at nothing.

“I would hate to see what you expected then.” Fionntan quipped. “I have worked with that man, Margut, and he won’t let this go so easily. Him along with another man named Sej Yan developed the process two decades ago. It is all he knows and he is afraid that he, along with his ideas, is obsolete. The world is not kind to the likes of him and he knows it. I think we should treat him delicately.”

“I meant what I said before,” Evelyn countered, “it has its uses and I think it has a place somewhere here but not with what we are doing. I cannot coddle the man to spare his feelings.” Evelyn said as bluntly as she intended. She did not like the man, she respected him, but did not like him.

“Do not be so quick to make enemies Evelyn, he has many friends, much more than you do it seems. I think you could count them all in this room.” Connal remarked gently to take away some of the sting from his words.

Not backing down, Evelyn replied, “if we win him over then what do we achieve? What do we sacrifice to make save a man’s pride? If we produce results greater and sooner then they will have no choice but to accept it.”

“And what results would that be?” The brother shifted himself off the wall and stood with his arms folded. Evelyn has forgotten he was there. He was looking at her with a strange look in his eyes. “Ms. Trevelyan I have listened to your speech, I have seen your designs, but I want to hear it plainly. What do you hope to achieve? I am general to the military of Starkhaven and all militia underneath. I have great stakes in the well-being of my soldiers and this proposal you have will have a tremendous impact on them.” He has moved away from wall to stand in front of Evelyn, his height reaches over Evelyn but does little to unnerve her. “Be wary _Experimenter,_ I want you to know that they are not fodder for your playing. These are people you are dealing with, real human beings. Remember that!” He practically spat the last sentence at her, his eyes wide in anger, unblinking.

She met his eyes, refusing to be cowed. “And what have I done to deserve such impertinence _General_? In the little time you have known me, what actions have you witnessed that deem me so unworthy? You have judged me yet you don’t know my merits. If you judge a battlefield the same way you judge a person it is a wonder you have any soldiers left to call an army!”

If the pair hadn’t been glaring so ferociously at each other they would have noticed Connal smiling behind his peaked palms. With a judicious wave of his hand, Connal brought the two back to the room. “Ronan, please. Do not let your perception of me cloud your judgment of her. She hasn’t done anything wrong and you know this.” Ronan turned away from Evelyn and returned to his post against the wall. Evelyn turned to Connal.

Connal continued, “Ronan disapproves of our research Evelyn, and would see to it that we are all go back to bashing each other with clubs like the _golden age_ of warfare.”

“No, but I can see plainly the aftermath that it brings. You don’t see it brother, what happens to my soldiers. You cannot fault me for looking out for them.”

“Nor can you fault me for trying to save them.” With a weary sigh, Connal looks pleadingly at Evelyn. “We have argued about this since children. We have never agreed on anything.”

 “Not everything,” Ronan barked.

“See!” Connal winks at Evelyn who lets out a laugh. It is clear who has won today’s battle and Evelyn smiles at the victor. Either sensing the loss or frustrated with arguing, Ronan pushes himself off the wall and exits wordlessly.

Alison who has been silent throughout the entire exchange let’s out an overindulgent sigh, which brings a smile to all who remained. “I guess he will be around, sticking his nose in our affairs like a hound.”

 Connal’s smile left him at these words. “Yes, I am afraid that is so. But it is a serious matter. He has the ear of our Prince who can terminate this project. He has done so to others in the past. He will be looking for reasons, so we have to be careful not to give him any.” Alison and Evelyn both nodded solemnly.

 Alison rose, nodded again to Connal. “With your leave sir, I would like some lunch. All this has left me famished, Evelyn?” 

Connal raised his hand towards Evelyn. “Actually, Evelyn, if you can spare a few moments, I would like to speak with you.” With a purposeful look towards Alison, “and I will make sure you don’t miss lunch.” 

“Of course.”  Evelyn answered nonchalantly.

Once alone, Connal rises from his seat and moves to stand in front of Evelyn. He remains a foot away from her, but he feels heavy against her.  His eyes are full of concern. “I apologize for my brother. He acts without thinking sometimes and I hope that he hasn’t put you off towards us.” He sighs softly, “he has always been like this. He is only three years younger than me but sometimes I feel like he never grew out of his childhood. He only sees things in black and white, and when something doesn’t fit where it is supposed to he will admonish the system without examining the tools. With that said, he is a good general. Somehow those things before don’t translate to the battlefield. There he has a keen eye and he can see strategies that you or I could never come up with. I wish...” He sighed again “I just wish that we could get along. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said we never agreed on anything. I just wish he would look at things from _our_ perspective sometimes.”

 “He does care about his soldiers. Have you tried looking at things from his perspective?” Evelyn asked with raised eyebrows.

Connal chuckled. “Many times! But always it leaves me bewildered how obvious the benefits are and how he doesn’t see them. Evelyn...” He has now closed the gap between them and grasped her hands with a pleading look in his eyes. “I need you on my side, in the future. I...don’t know what will happen but it gives me confidence to know that I have your support in all this. I support you wholeheartedly.” 

Confused by this statement, Evelyn tries to see why he would be so shaken by his brother’s intentions, why he doubts her ambitions for their project, her project really. “Of course...Thank you for your support, with him, with everything really.”

He smiled at her now, his face softened in relief. He let go of her hands and he opened the door. She looked at him briefly before walking through and she heard the door close behind her. She was not reassured by that conversation and she now wondered what in the world she agreed to.


	4. Making Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Evelyn make nice and everyone receives some disturbing news.

 

The following day, Ronan cornered her after breakfast and sputtered an apology. She doesn’t bear any ill feelings towards him. _He is actually rather charming when he isn’t insulting your very being!_ She thought dryly. It was his job to oversee this project along with his brother. He was present at each of her meetings with her inner circle. He would interject with information from the field but mostly he observed, taking judicious notes. Afterwards she generally saw him around. He would sit with her during dinner, asking her questions about her home, stories from her childhood. She answers him politely but evasively. She keeps the warning from Connal in her mind. She doesn’t know what Ronan could use against her. He learned quickly that she didn’t want to talk about her family. He didn’t know that he had met her father once before. He didn’t make the connection that Connal had made and she was grateful.

Connal was a good companion to have through the last few weeks. He would quiet Ronan down from pressuring Evelyn into revealing private affairs, saving Evelyn from having to be rude. Ronan and her were still on uneven ground and she would like to keep the peace. Their relationship was not worth the extra effort and she would be happy to let it pass. Connal also was quite funny, he had a lot of stories about his childhood that often ended with him getting switched by his nanny for ‘outlandish’, in his words, accusations against him. He claims he acted with the utmost propriety but somehow those bugs ended up in his nanny’s bed or honey stuck to all the door handles in the manor. Ronan would laugh at these stories, often being implicated by proxy as well. Each brother had a rich laugh that was infectious causing the whole table to roar with laughter with each telling.

But today she growled as she swept through the hallways. Lately things have been working out well for her. Connal and her have been working together for weeks now and she knows she is onto something, a breakthrough. It is so close she can taste it. But now, she has hit a roadblock. Nothing was working. There is something missing and she cannot figure it out. She needed results soon. The little twit Margut has been following her around doggedly. He is waiting for her failure so he can pounce, to denouce her plans and bring everyone back to his camp. If she loses them now, she won’t get another chance. Everyday, she would run in the morning but she found that that still didn’t alleviate her temper. Painting also helped her concentration. Somewhere in her paintings lay her answers waiting to be discovered. Only no one seemed to have anything of the sort in the tower. Everything else was at her disposal except for paint. As she stalked the hallways she spotted an intern walking her way. She stopped him with her hand and pulled him aside. Her look must have been terrible since the boy was too frightened to respond, instead he nodded and she sent him on his way out the door and into the city. Her step became slightly lighter as she walked back the way she came. Part of the problem was taken care of, soon she would have her paint.

******

 Ronan leaned against the doorway and watched her paint in meditative silence, the nagging, forever questions lingering in the back of his mind. He found he actually cared what she thought of him, and not in the respect as a colleague but as something more. That thought sat on his mind, weighing him down. It shouldn't matter what she thought of him beyond anything more than his capabilities to do his job. _After everything that has_ _happened..._

“Did anyone ever tell you it is rude to stare?”  Ronan jerked out of his reverie to see her regarding him thoughtfully.

When they caught eyes she merely quirked her mouth and returned to her painting.  He tried very hard not to sound huffy from being caught by her. He crossed his arms in defiance even though her back was to him. It was more for himself than anyone else “I was...thinking.”

“Very intently, it seems.” He heard her smile. Silence surrounded him. He uncrossed his arms and fidgeted at his sides before recrossing them. She still did not turn back to him as she continued her painting. She did not appear to be discomforted by the silence as he was. He cleared his throat and uncrossed his arms. “I hear that you are not..um…coming to celebrate with the team tonight.” He paused to allow her to turn around. When she didn’t he scrambled on with his voice becoming manic. “Gaseous diffusion, that’s how you will separate the compound...Well done.” He winced at his ineptitude. There was a brief thought of running back through the door but Generals do not run away, not from this.

She appeared to ignore the compliment. Her hands worked delicately, filling in the smallest patch of deep red. “No, I have much to do and little time to accomplish it all.” 

“And yet you’re painting.” He couldn’t help himself.  She appeared to consider his comment but instead changed her finely pointed brush for a larger one and dipped it in green, dragging paint across the canvas. “You seem to be confusing cogitation with procrastination General. This helps me think.” 

He moved a few steps into the room against the table that was covered in paint bottles, his boots clanged against the cement floors. “Maybe I can help you.” 

“No,” she declared honestly, “you can’t.” She sighed and put down the pallet and brush, finally turning to him. “I don’t trust you,” she said flatly, and when he opened his mouth she shook her head, “I’m sorry but you have given me no reason to.” She walked over and mimicked his posture, leaning next to him on the table so that they were both staring at the almost finished painting of a grassy knoll. “This is important to us all, I understand, but I have been working too long and too hard to let it fall away to another.” 

Ronan understood now. His intentions of getting close to her, to get to know her were mistaken for subterfuge. He wanted to know everything about her but she breathed secrets like air. He knew she was brilliant, beautiful and charming. But anyone can know that. Any chance to be close her failed, like grasping at mist. He brushed her shoulder with his and turned to face her. “I’m sorry. I know you are not my brother. You…you are doing something exceptional. The best most of us can do it watch from the sidelines, but I can help you. I know what we face and I know the practicalities, the utility behind the theory. That is what I want from this, no scheming, I want my people to be safe. That is all.”

She searched his eyes for any lies, any doubt to the veracity of his story. All she saw was staid honesty.  “Okay.” 

They stood in silence for a moment more before Evelyn turned away from him and pick up her pallet and brush, reticent once more. This left Ronan with no choice but to leave. But he knew something between them had changed.

******

Evelyn was beginning to think she was losing it holed up in the tower for months. She wasn’t thinking clearly anymore. She needed a day away from the tower.  So she decided to take a walk into the city of Starkhaven.

She made it out through the gates at a brisk pace, out towards the city. Since the tower needed space, it was separate from the city itself with a small forest separating the two. The path through the woods spiralled engrossing Evelyn in the scenery.

They all had been working too hard lately. It would be easier if they were making progress but it seemed that they were forever circling the solution without coming any closer. They were on the edge of figuring it out now. Retreating could lead to more months just to get back to where they were. But she was in too far, all she could see is the smoke and the flames, she couldn’t see the forest for what it was, or what it would look like once the flames have been put out.

Once in the city she set about meandering through the city, letting her feet take her wherever she needed to go. She stopped at shops, chatted with the merchants there, pretending to be from out of town. She still was in a lot of ways. True that she had been away from Ostick for over half a year but she stayed on the tower grounds all that time. She ran through the forest every day but never going into the city as her route took you around the perimeter of the property. As far as the city goes she was a tourist gaping at the sights.

By the afternoon she was starving, so she stopped at the first cafe she saw and took a seat on the street terrace. She brought a book with her but she was happy to watch the stream of people swim by. She hadn’t thought about work for hours now and she found herself relaxing in anonymity.

“Evelyn?” The sound of name startled her as turned towards the voice. She immediately regretting doing so once she saw who it belonged to. Maevaris Tilani, sometimes rival, sometimes enemy, once a friend. She took the unoffered seat with a smile that belied any sincerity.

“I knew it was you! What are you doing here?” Maevaris rattled off the question with false delight. 

“Visiting a friend.” She lied. 

“That’s interesting, I heard you are working with Connal Nevan in the tower. Maker knows what for though. Could it be you finally snared someone with your foolish postulations? Connal is a smart man, what ever did you to do to convince him I wonder?” The last said with a sneer that distorted an already contemptible face. Bad blood ran between the two now and Evelyn didn’t want Maevaris to interpret her lie as anything scandalous as she would expertly use it to ruin Evelyn’s credibility. Evelyn just stared at her, refusing to take the bait.

“They say that the Qunari are going to try and invade soon.” Maevaris said, changing the subject.  

“They have been saying that since Kirkwall.”

“"The Mage-Templar war has weakened everyone.  Eventually it must come to pass.”

 “Why?  The Devine has called the Conclave.  This is the beginning of the end. It is a stalemate at this point. 

 “It is an institution like anything else, this Conclave might bring peace for a time, but war will always be there. When it does it will be more bloody than before. Do not doubt that.”

 “We have to believe that it will work or else we have nothing else to hold on to.

“Ever the academic.” That was not a compliment.  

 Evenlyn, embrassed, was silent a moment before she spoke. “Will you work for them?” Evelyn asked, truly curious. 

Maevaris laughed, mirthlessly. “You know our kind, allegiance gets in the way of our scholarly duty. But no, I am forever a nationalist.” Maevaris rose but remained standing over Evelyn looking around nonchalantly. “You do realize that I can help you. Do you even know what it is you are working with?” 

“I know enough”  Maevaris’s gaze slid to catch Evelyn’s.

“Do you?” She murmured. “I wonder but I cannot tell without actually seeing it. You should show it to me. Knowledge can only help, Evelyn. Knowledge is power.” 

“Exactly.” 

Another smirk. “Goodbye my friend. I will see you when this is over.” Maevaris left leaving Evelyn alone once more. 

******

 Ronan walked through the throng. His tall stature doing nothing to help part the sea of people before him. It did not surprise him. No one recognized him without his trademark uniform and emblems denoting his rank. Now he looked like a normal, albeit wealthy, traveler, trying to get across the city. The last few days have been stressful to say the least, and to be quite honest with himself, frightening. He travelled with Prince Vael to Val Royeaux mainly to meet with the Devine. His sister Ana was also there, preparing for the ultimate peace summit scheduled to take place soon, very soon. She was a masterful mediator. Despite the grim circumstances she, along with the Devine, could bring peace, actual peace, between the Templars and the Mages.  But Ronan wasn’t preparing for peace, he was readying for war. While his army have engaged in battles during his reign as general, Starkhaven has not actually been at war for some time now. His generation being the first not to witness battle on their doorstep.  Ronan needed to be ready if these peace summit fails.

Through the crowd Ronan sees a familiar face. He saw her  walking with the current, towards him, but she hasn’t seen him yet. She looks relaxed and and untroubled, a look he hasn’t seen on her since...at all in fact. While their relationship has improved since their reconciliation in her studio he had yet to see her comfortable around him. They ate dinner together regularly, with her team and Connal. Ahh his brother. Ronan did not hate his brother, he cared for and respected him a great deal. But Evelyn and him were as thick as thieves, and that bothered him. They had a slew of inside jokes, secret momentos unshared with Ronan and the others. During their dinners Connal would whisper something to Evelyn that would make her laugh out loud, which set Ronan’s teeth on edge.

No one else seemed to mind. Her team admired her and while she wouldn’t think so, they elevated her above them. Even Alison praised her, which came so infrequently that it only added to Evelyn’s validity as a leader. Evelyn shared herself with her team, they got to see a side of her that Ronan had yet to see. She was polite, even warm to him, but still thought he didn’t belong with them and treated him as the outsider. She believed his words from that day, and she gave information more freely since then. But she still held back from him.   He was determined to change that.   She was looking ahead but not in his direction so he had to wave his hand foolishly to get her attention which drew the attention of those around him. Sheepishly, he lowered his hand but luckily she saw him and walked towards him. 

“I seem to be running into everyone today.” She said with a smile dancing on her lips.

“Oh? Who else have you seen?”

 “An old friend.” 

“Oh?  That must have been nice.”   

Then silence began to creep into their conversation.

“I didn’t know you all were back so early?” She looked around him searching for the other Nevan.

“It is just me who came back early.” He said almost apologetically, “Connall won’t be back for a few days still. It is just me for today.” 

“Then you will have to do then.” She said with a sudden fire flickering behind her eyes. “Today has been unusual, if you are not heading back to the tower right away I wouldn’t mind the company. I’m afraid I am still a foreigner in this city so I don’t know what we can do.”

“Well then let me be your city guide.” He said with a exaggerated bow drawing a smile. “I grew up here and I can show you some of the more secret treasures.” He took her hand and led her through the crowd.

 They spent the rest of the day visiting monuments and sampling delectable food from small shops, he really did know the secret treasures. With a word he brought her through the grand cathedral past the public chambers and up the bell tower. Here they had a breathtaking view of the city just in time for the sun to set.

He was enjoying her company immensely. She was different today. She wasn’t distant with him any longer. She laughed readily and didn’t shy away when their bodies touched accidentally. She was witty and the fire danced in her eyes whenever he said something clever. He endeavoured to do that more often.

When the sun finally descended below the distant mountains. They made their way to yet another secret within the city. Ronan knew of this place and had been coming there since he was a child. The owners, a couple now in their 60s, knew him then and always welcomed him whenever he came by. The woman hugged Ronan, and gave him a kiss on the cheek whilst chastising him on his absence. The man shook his hand and went to kiss his companions hand. Remarkably she blushed under such attention. Ronan offered the couple to join them but they refused, the woman giving Ronan a wink which caused him to blush slightly.

They were given a booth in the corner that allowed them more privacy. With a wall that cut off the view and chatter from the rest of the patrons. Ronan knew what the old couple was up to and he hoped Evelyn didn’t think this was his idea.  The booth forced them to sit with their knees touching. They chatted easily, sharing stories from their childhood, some funny, some sad. All other voices died away when she spoke. As dinner ended and they were sharing wine and dessert when a loud fight broke them from their engagement. “You don’t know it yet but we are damned! The Qunari are coming and we stand doing nothing!” 

“Get him out of here!” 

Scuffling and muffled yells are heard and the door slams shut. Conversations slowly start again mostly speculating on the nature of the man’s claims. 

“You know that is not the first time today I have heard that rumour.” Evelyn whispered. Then, her tone took a lighthearted note.  “What says the General? Is war finally coming to Starkhaven?”

 Ronan's tone was more serious. “Not if I can help it. But yes, we are preparing for all outcomes from this peace summit.” 

“Will war be so bad?”

 “Yes.”

Evelyn laughed  “Such a detailed analysis! But tell me Ronan, what of war that leads to some goal, and asserts that some final conflict will someday resolve the path followed and result in a new society free from war?”

“That does not exist.” 

“Does not or cannot are not the same!” This earned a sharp malicious laugh from her opponent.

War is the bane of humanity, inevitable, that serves little purpose outside causing ruin and dolor amongst the innocent.” 

“So says the General.” 

“So should a General say.”

The fire danced.  Evelyn leaned forward, “war cannot exist for its own sake, it must serve to achieve some goal. Morality can be applied to war just as to the individual. If I see a child running through the grass, heading straight for a snake. Is it not justifiable to grab the child, maybe hurting it to save it from greater harm?” 

“Is war the child, you, or the snake?” 

“War is me saving the child from the snake.” 

Ronan smiled, "I might actually agree with you there?"

"I knew you would get there eventually."

He leaned forward and regarded her with a curiously gratified expression. “You know, I don’t think we’ve ever actually agreed on anything before.”

She leaned towards his ear.  “Scary is it?”

 “Terrifying.” He smirked as he pulled back. He liked this side of her. She engaged in him with such tenacity, that fire behind her eyes matched by the lightning behind his own. She became a hunter then. 

“I didn’t know our General was so easily spooked! You have faced battle and death and have lived. Tell me, what is it about me that makes you so frightened?” 

Ronan gave her an apraised look, almost as if he was arguing over something in his head.   Suddenly, as if he had reached his decision, the lightning in his eyes darkened and he met her gaze. And, just like that, Evelyn felt his mood change. “You see things differently than I do. People are drawn to you.” 

“Are you?”  She whispered.

“I am.” Ronan stated, capturing her gaze once more. This was a side to him Evelyn hadn’t seen, although she suspected it was always there. 

“And that terrifies you?” She quipped lightly, trying to break the mood. 

“It does. You don’t know the power you have over people. What you do to them. You make them want to please you.”

 The conversation lost all pretense of a casual discussion between two friends. Fire and lightning staring at each other. “I wouldn’t want them to be disappointed then.”

 ‘Far from it” He whispered. Raising a finger to her face, trailing slowly down her cheek. He pretended to wipe away an imaginary speck on her chin before sliding it over her lips. He closed the space between them drawing his lips to hers. It was soft but fierce. She clasped at the back of his head pulling him closer. She lost herself in this moment. They broke apart. She looked at him, for the first time really looked at him. The line of his broad shoulders tapering down his torso to slim hips and he had tanned skin the colour of warm caramel. The product of his occupation no doubt. The features of his face were as if they had been sculpted from marble, jaw and nose and cheekbones moulded and sharp, and his eyes were such a shocking blue that until she had seen otherwise she had believed that they contained a light of their own and would shine even in the dark. He was clever and funny and easy to talk to, his voice like honey in her ears.

 “But I am afraid I must disappoint you Ronan. I can’t be with you the way you want me to.”

This caused him to lean back unclasping his hands from hers.   He sighed, “because of Connal.” This hitch in her breath confirmed his suspicion.   Her face belied her words.

“There isn’t anything between Connal and me.  I cannot be with him for the same reasons I cannot be with you.

” ‘Which are?” He tried. 

“I do not wish to say at the moment”, she failed to meet his gaze.  They sat speechless for several minutes. Neither wanted to be the one to break the silence.

It was Ronan who spoke first.  “I won’t bring it up again. I want things to be okay between us but I don’t want things to go back to before.” 

“They won’t.”

The walked back to the tower together in the dark.  Their walk was mostly silent, neither had much to say.  At the steps of the tower was a small group, barring their entrance.  When they finally reached the steps, the crowd parted revealing Prince Vael. He moves towards them quickly speaking before either can utter a greeting.

"Please forgive my intrusion at this hour but I must speak with you with the utmost of urgency." He directed this at Evelyn only leaving both confused about its purpose.  

Evelyn stuttered before answering, "uh, of course.  What can I do?"

Sebastian looked at them both before returning his gaze to Evelyn's.  His eyes bore the look of someone about to ask for the world.  "I need you to go to Conclave."


	5. If I had stayed behind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now alongside the story from Inquisition. It is pretty similar to the story. Deviation will occur but I am placing some hooks so I don't get too far away.

 

Evelyn hurt… a lot. It hurt mostly in her left hand but pain was everywhere. She tried to sit up but nausea hit her instantly and she had to lie back down. After a few moments she began to hear a commotion outside her…cell? _Why am I in a cell?_ Her thoughts were foggy and it was hard to focus through her headache pounding in time with her throbbing hand.   It was then that she noticed she was chained to the floor.

Before she could give it anymore thought, the door to her cell open and two women walked through. Evelyn lifted her head just enough to see one woman in heavy armour stalk towards her and heaved her to an upright position. Evelyn tried to protest but all the came out was a pathetic grunt.

 

The women prowled around Evelyn. “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The Conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead…except for you.

 

Something in that tugged at Evelyn’s memory but she couldn’t sift through her thoughts enough to discover what it was. The women pulled Evelyn’s hand up and said, “Explain this.” Her hand sparked, causing a sharp pain to shoot through her body. As soon as it was there it was gone, leaving a dull ache in its wake.

 

Evelyn shook her head, “I can’t”. Her words were rough and mumbled.

 

The second women joined them then. “What do you mean you can’t?”

 

“I..I don’t _know_ what it is!”

 

The first women did not like her answer. She pulled and Evelyn’s shirt, drawing their faces together. “You’re lying”. The second women pulled her companion away from Evelyn and whispered something to her. This seemed to calm the first women.

 

This was not how it was supposed to go. This mark on her hand was not part of the plan at all. She didn’t know how it got there and that was troubling. What was more troubling was that these two women thought she was responsible for…and then it clicked.

 

“Everyone is dead?” Her voiced was strangled.

 

The two women exchanged glances and the second women, clad in a hood and chainmail spoke.

 

“Do you not remember what happened? How this began?” Before she finished speaking Evelyn was shaking her head. She instantly regretted it. Her head still throbbed and could barely follow the conversation.

 

“No…well not really. It was dark but there was a sickly glow. I..I remember running. Some.. _things_ were chasing me. I ran and I saw a…woman.” This caused the hooded women to pause her pacing.

 

“A woman?”

 

Evelyn raised her head to meet you eyes and nodded faintly. “She tried to reach out to me but…she couldn’t.” The hooded women looked away but not before Evelyn could see pain etched onto her face. The armour clad women pulled the other woman aside and they talked softly. It was too soft to make out. But she saw the hooded woman leave and the armoured woman approach her. Instinctively, Evelyn backed away, as much as the chains allowed. The woman raised her hands slowly and moved to unchain Evelyn. The chains fell to the floor with a loud clang that caused Evelyn to flinch. Rubbing her head she began to piece together what was going on. With a sudden sickening feeling in her stomach, she realized that she was alone in the cell.

 

“I was with some people, a young woman and an old man. They were with me before this. What happened to them?” Her voice was desperate, but she didn’t care. The plan was gone, who cared who knew. She needed to find them. The woman didn’t answer her right away, only moved to help Evelyn up. Evelyn put her hand over the other woman’s hand pleading her to answer.

 

The woman’s eyes softened for the first time. “I’m sorry. It would be easier to show you”. She led Evelyn out the door and through the main doors outside. Once outside she saw a giant rift emanating from the sky. _This can’t be happening! I couldn’t have caused this…could I?_

 

The woman led her away from the Chantry doors and towards to mountain and towards the rift.

 

“This rift was caused by the explosion at the Conclave. I didn’t think an explosion could do that, but this one did.” The woman wasn’t looking at Evelyn anymore but at the rift.

 

Evelyn knew the extent of an explosion. _None that you know of anyways. Could someone else have found our bombs and used them?_ That thought caused a panic to grow inside of her. She also realized she didn’t have her weapons or supplies with her. She needed to find her supplies. But she couldn’t let these people find them. _How do I find it without letting them know?_ As she was formulating a plan the rift surged which caused her hand to spark. Pain tore through her arm. Evelyn let out a guttural scream and fell to her knees. Soon the pain subsided but dread began to seep through. Was she dying?

 

Seemingly to respond to her question the woman crouched down to help her up. “Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads…and it’s killing you. But it might the key to stopping this, so I must bring you to the Breach.”

 

“How did I survive the blast?”

 

“They said you stepped out of the rift, then fell unconscious. They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was. Everything farther in the valley was laid waste, including the Temple of Sacred Ashes. I suppose you’ll see soon enough.”

 

That signalled the end of the conversation as the woman led Evelyn through the mountain pass. The woman became more talkative, explaining the purpose of the Conclave, the Devine. Perhaps it was to assuage her own guilt over the death of the Devine.

 

Evelyn wasn’t paying attention to the woman any longer. She needed to find her friends and get her supplies back. Despite what the warrior said, if she survived then they must have as well. They were with her when it happened so they must be still there, hiding somewhere like she should have. They must have her supplies, having the foresight to keep it hidden. They could be hurt or dying but unable to get help.

 

 

They made their way up the mountain. The warrior kept a brisk pace and after a while Evelyn began to fall behind. The warrior tsked Evelyn’s poor cardio and had to help her up the mountain.   The warrior seemed to forget that Evelyn hadn’t eaten in three days and was quickly dying.

 

Along the way they found a rift. There, battling demons spewing from the rift, was a dwarf armed with a dangerous looking crossbow and a lanky elf mage dressed in rags but held himself with an air of a lord not that of an beggar or runaway mage.

 

The elf took Evelyn from the warrior and held her marked hand to the rift. Pain seized her hand and she tried to pull away from the elf’s strong grip held it there. Quickly though, the rift closed and the pain subsided. The air was silent as everyone looked at Evelyn, but Evelyn was looking at her hand. _I did that? How?_

The dwarf clearing his throat brought her back. "Varric Tethras," said the dwarf, he had slung his crossbow onto his back and he held out his hand to her. It appeared that half of his shirt was torn off in the fight. "Rogue, storyteller, and occasional tagalong."

 

She saw the warrior scowl at the dwarf and she shook his hand.

 

“That won’t be necessary Varric…”

 

“Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren’t in control anymore. You need me.” The warrior stomped her foot and somehow scowled further.

 

The elf approached her, “My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I’m pleased to see you still live.” The elf leaned on his staff and gave a half smile, seeming to enjoy the confused look on her face.

 

Varric stepped in, “He means, ‘I kept that mark from killing you while you slept.'”

 

Evelyn examined her hand. It wasn’t hurting anymore. The closing of the rift seem to satiate it for now. “You seem to know a great deal about it all.”

 

Cassandra interjected, “Solas is an apostate, well-versed in such matters.”

 

Solas broke his contact with Evelyn to address the warrior, “Technically, all mages are now apostates, Cassandra.” He turned his attention back to Evelyn, “My travels have allowed me to learn much of the Fade, far beyond the experience of any Circle mage. I came to offer whatever help I can give with the Breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed regardless of origin. Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake – and it seems I was correct. It seems you hold the key to our salvation.”

 

Evelyn regarded the elf; his confidence was overwhelming. “Yes, so it seems.” She remarked hesitantly.

 

Varric clapped his hands, “Good to know! Here I thought we’d be ass-deep in demons forever. Why don’t we get this show on the road then!”

 

Cassandra handed her a bow and a quiver. “Here, are you able to shoot?”

 

Evelyn took the items and awkwardly slung the quiver over her shoulder. It had been a long time since she had used a bow, but she did feel better having something to defend herself with. “Thank you, uh, well, I haven’t had to use one in a long time.” Cassandra gave her a disapproving look and walked towards the path up the mountain. Evelyn turned to Varric who just shrugged and followed the Seeker. The elf followed behind.

 

Evelyn looked at her hand and then to the giant rift in the sky before letting out a sigh and following the group. It seemed that her plan would just have to wait a little longer.

 

The scene at the temple surprised her even after the warning from the Seeker. The bodies were charred beyond recognition. If her friends were here she wouldn’t be able to find them. But she looked anyways. She examined each body, lifting each gently to find anything that set one apart from the others. But there was nothing. She choked back a sob and backed away. _They could still be alive! Not finding them here means that they could be alive somewhere else._ Even in her own head the words sounded hollow. Blinking back tears she schooled her face and turned to the group.

 

“Let’s go, get this over with.” And she marched towards the Breach.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. It's so hard to say Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, in this Cullen is a bit of a jerk. Not huge, not yet anyways. I don't really think the game delved into his motivations enough for my liking. I think habits are hard to break and any redemption will be hard come by. The dialogue I also change around to suit my taste. As always feedback is greatly appreciated.

Cullen leaned forward against the war table and stared at the pieces. Their forces were small. Haven wasn’t a big place and they were nowhere near capacity. And the soldiers; Cullen shook his head. They were not much more than overeager farm boys. They couldn’t hold themselves in a fight. But even he himself started out like that. It would be his failing as their commander if they couldn’t make them fight.

 

But _why_ would they fight? He came because the Devine asked him to, and now they were leaderless…pointless. No, they have a new problem now and they can have a purpose. They need to; he needs to have a purpose.

 

The buzzing from the others brought him out of his brooding. The Chancellor’s voice became shrill as Cassandra defied him again. _Why is he still here?_ _I suppose he is just a lost as we are, but can he not shut up for one moment of peace?_

 

Leliana took over for Cassandra to calm the Chancellor. But the results were the same. He finally left in a huff but not before issuing a warning that there would be retribution for their actions. Cullen could feel the beginnings of a headache start around his temples. He closed his eyes to try and sooth the thrum.

 

His concentration was broken by a knock at the door. It revealed the prisoner, although supposedly she was proven innocent at the temple. She looked around at everyone pausing slightly on each face. She didn’t show any recognition from meeting him on the mountain, which bothered him a little bit.

 

She stood in the landing, eyeing everyone warily. Luckily Leliana broke the awkward silence.

 

“How do you feel?” Leliana asked as she walked towards the woman.

 

The woman crossed her arms defensively. “It depends, am I still a prisoner?”

 

Leliana took no offense to the comment, “No, we were wrong about you. I hope you can forgive our haste. Someone was behind the explosion at the Conclave. Someone Most Holy did not expect. But we know it wasn’t you.”

 

The woman uncrossed her arms and nodded. “Alright, the Breach is stable for now, what more do you want from me?”

 

“We must try again.” Cassandra said matter-of-factly.

 

“The Breach remains and your mark is our only home of closing it.” Leliana said earnestly.

 

The woman crossed her arms again and regarded the two women. She turned her gaze to him and he straightened himself off the table and mimicked her pose. She turned back to the women. “And if I refuse?”

 

“You can go if you wish.” Leliana replied without hesitation, “but you should know that while some believe you chosen as the Herald of Andraste, many still think you’re guilty. We can protect you only if you are with us.” Her voice cool and low, the threat just below the surface of her words.

 

The woman snorted, “So I am a prisoner here then.”

 

Cassandra cut in, “Your mark, we need it to close the Breach. Help us fix this before it’s too late.”  

 

It was those words that seem to cut through the woman’s defences. She sighed deeply and moved towards the women. “I agree, for now anyways.”

 

“That is all we ask.” Leliana answered.

 

The woman shrugged, “So what now then?”

 

Cassandra walked towards the war table, “you’ve given us time, and Solas believes a second attempt might succeed-provided the mark has more power.”

 

“And how do we get that power?” Cullen felt his chest tighten and his headache throbbed in protest, that was question wasn’t it? He saw Leliana open her mouth but he cut her off.

 

“We need to approach the Templars, they can suppress the Breach, weaken it so it can be closed by the Herald.”

 

The woman regarded Cullen, seeming to notice him for the first time. “And you are?”

 

Cullen, taken aback by her insolence, gritted his teeth and kept his voice level, “I am Commander of these forces, Herald.” That answer did not seem to satisfy her, in fact it seemed to displease her more.

 

She turned back to the women. “What do you think we should do?”

 

“I think we should approach the Rebel mages for help.” Leliana offered.

 

Cassandra agreed, “We need more power, poured into the mark, enhance your ability to close the Breach for good.”

 

The woman was nodding along, “Alright, that sounds good. Let’s do that.”

 

“Well hold on,” Cullen interjected, “We need to discuss this. Such power that you suggest could destroy us all.”

 

The woman looked at him solemnly, “What do you mean by that?”

 

Cullen sighed, “I mean that we need to be careful that we do not repeat the actions at the Conclave.” She met his eyes and held them with severity.

 

Josephine who had been quiet throughout the exchange piped up. “Unfortunately, neither group will even speak to us. The Chantry has denounced us, and you specifically”. The last remark pointed at the woman. “The remaining clerics have proclaimed you a heretic and us for harbouring you. Until we can get more support outside the Chantry, both groups are beyond our reach.” There was a brief silence. “Uh, I am Josephine, Ambassador and diplomat for your inquiries should they arise.” She finished nervously.

 

The woman smiled, “It is a pleasure to meet you.” The light was dim but Cullen thought he saw Josephine blush ever so slightly. Her smile faded quickly. “But it looks like we are back where we started.”

 

It went on like this for another hour. Finally Cullen had to excuse himself because of his headache. He didn’t tell them this of course, mumbling something about soldiers and training. Everyone seemed done for the day anyways. The woman was the first to leave, racing out of the war room faster than him. She didn’t look to have a specific direction, just away. His headache momentarily forgotten he decided to follow her. Once she was outside the Chantry, she seemed to relax slightly and she began to meander throughout the village. She found Varric and sat with him for a few moments. She obviously liked the charming dwarf and laughed heartily. Before long however, people began to approach her. Obviously disturbed by this attention she excused herself and walked to her cabin.

Thinking she was done for the day he moved to return to his own cabin when he noticed a shadow pass behind her cabin. Curious, he snuck behind the cabin and noticed the woman ducking behind the buildings towards to edge of town. She climbed over the rocks and over the wall. Quickly he followed her. It was to keep her out of danger, he heard she is quite inept with the bow, and she hadn’t brought any weapons with her. Or perhaps he was just curious about where she was going. She couldn’t be running away, not without packing something.

She made her way the mountain, luckily without looking back. Cullen was not a tracker, he was still wearing his heavy armour which made moving quickly difficult. He couldn’t pass through the trees like a scout, not without losing her trail. But she didn’t veer off the path at all. She walked determinately towards the Temple of Sacred Ashes. Once she got there she paused before the site. The bodies still there, most unable to be moved, having fused with the earth. Cullen moved off the path behind the trees so as not to be seen. He couldn’t really take in the scene, he found his eyes could not linger on the bodies for more than a moment. He looked everywhere but at them. He thought he was desensitized to such carnage, but not this.

She looked around then but she didn’t see him. He chose thick trees that hid his bulk well. Then she began to call out names.

 

“Heber!” “Ana!” “Heber!” “It’s Evelyn!” “Ana!” These names she called out again and again, she moved around the temple calling out. These names meant nothing to him, but he wondered what they meant to her. Leliana mentioned that she came with two companions. These must have been them. They must have been at the temple when it exploded. There is no way they could have survived. No one did. Except for her.

 

The woman continued to call out. As it went on her voice began to waver, her cries more desperate. And then she stopped and sat down in the middle of the destruction. He could hear her sobbing from his distance.

 

Then, like a coward he slunk back to camp.


	7. Grief isn't something you get over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn tries a different approach to the whole not getting stabbed with varying success. Cullen starts to see things a little differently. And Evelyn receives a new mission.

 

“Get down!” 

Evelyn was grabbed from behind and pulled away as a blade swung at the spot where Evelyn used to be. Evelyn cursed as she thrown to the side by Blackwall who grunted at her then charged at the bandit. Evelyn rolled and jumped up only to dive back on the ground to avoid an arrow through her chest. She was getting quite sick of this when she heard the scream of the last bandit getting struck down.

Wiping her mouth of dirt she surveyed the scene. No one but her was tired and sweaty. In fact everyone seemed to be having a grand old time running around the Hinterlands. She ached from head to toe and was covered in dirt and grime. She looked at her bow and her still half full quiver and gave an angry cry.

The others who had gathered around her shared a worried look but it was Solas who spoke.

“Herald, are you alright?”

Evelyn looked at him incredulously. “No. I am not alright! I am useless and I am getting sick of it!” No one spoke, to deny or affirm, but that was all the confirmation she needed. She stalked away. “Let’s go get some bloody horses!”

*****

When she got back to camp, she made her way to Harritt’s shop. She must have looked angry because he took a step back when she approached. She threw the bow on the table.

"I can’t use this! I can’t pull it back far enough to do anything, and I am very slow. I can aim fine but it is no use if I have to duck out of the way before I can even shoot.” 

Harritt was already shaking his head, “Look, I’m not sure another bow will help you. The’all kind of need to be pulled back you know?”                                                                

Evelyn sighed and hung her head, “Yeah, I know.” 

“Have you thought about usin’ a crossbow instead?” Harritt asked.

“I think I would have the same problem.” Evelyn said dispiritedly, “thanks anyways, I’ll figure it out.”

Harritt nodded at her and she left discouraged. On her way to the Chantry she passed Varric and his very impressive crossbow. She stopped and put on her best smile.

“Hello Varric!”

“Uh oh,” he remarked. “When you talk like that, it is never good.”

Evelyn gave him a pained look.

Varric raised his hands in defeat. “Alright alright! Enough with the puppy dog face.  What do you want and how screwed will I be if I say yes?”

Evelyn appeared to consider this, “I would say not very since you would be helping me out a great deal which would help you out.”

Varric gave her a long look, “You know I wasn’t born yesterday right? And you still didn’t tell me what you want.”

Evelyn took a deep breath “I want to borrow your crossbow so that I…” Varric got up, took his crossbow, and walked away.

“Wait wait wait!” Varric slowed but didn’t stop. Evelyn ran in front with her arms out to block his way. “Wait! Okay, I won’t borrow it!”

Varric stopped and looked at her and said nothing.

“I, I just want to create a crossbow for me, and yours is the best one to model it after.”

“Look kid, I’m flattered, Bianca’s flattered, but no. No deal.”

“Can I at least look at it?”

“Yes, you can look at it, from far away.”

Evelyn shrugged dejectedly. “Look, you know I am shit at this. I can’t pull back the bow enough to fire at anyone standing farther than five feet in front of me. I need help; I can’t always have one of you standing by me to keep me safe. I need to be able to protect myself. I have tried swords and daggers and I am even worse at those. The only thing going for me is that I can aim when I can shoot.”

“So what makes you think you can pull back a crossbow but not a bow?”

“Well, I want to devise it so that it will pull back automatically.”

Varric regarded her, deeply considering her plan. “Hmmm, well I don’t know how you would do it. But you seem to be on a mission. I tell ya what, I will act as a consultant. I will fill in any questions you have but you cannot look at Bianca.”

Evelyn smiled and held out her hand, “Deal.”

Varric shook it. “I still feel like I got screwed.”

Evelyn smiled “You are fine man Varric.”

He looked glum at the prospect, “yeah…”

 

*****

 

Cullen walked the perimeter of the camp as the sun began to dip behind the mountains. The camp was quiet with most people inside their homes. Soldiers done training for the day, cooks retired for the night, everyone inside and out of the cold. So when he heard steady clanging coming from Harritt’s shop followed by a not Harritt voice cursing; he became curious.

The camp was dark not but he could see the Herald working with his back to him. She was pounding on something that sparked with each strike. With the noise and her concentration she didn’t hear him approach. He touched her shoulder causing her to spin around and swipe at her intruder with her hammer. Luckily, Cullen had quick reflexes and he managed to jump back in time to avoid the hit. Recognition dawned on her face and she sputtered an apology.

“It’s alright!” He placated. “I’m sorry I startled you.”

She raised her chin, “I wasn’t startled, I just have a thing against random people attacking me while I work.”

He tried to peek around her to see what she was working on but wherever he moved she blocked him.

“Can I help you?” She asked in an unhelpful tone.

“What are you working on?” This was ridiculous he was more than a foot taller than her but she somehow managed to block him every time. All he managed to get a glimpse of were some odd looking arrows and a thick tube. _What could that possibly be?_ He decided to give up on it for now. Maybe she was embarrassed and didn’t want to show him unfinished work. Whatever the reason it wasn’t his business.

“It’s nothing for now. I like to work with my hands when I am in a bad mood.”

“Ah, yes, I heard from your group that things aren’t progressing in the field.”

She titled her head and steadied her jaw. “No. No they are not. But I am _really_ glad you came by to tell me that. Thank you _so much_.” And she turned her back to him. He moved to the other side of her as she covered her work with a cloth.

“Hey hey hey, I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Then what did you mean by ‘hey I hear you suck at fighting and everyone has to drop what they are doing and rescue you all the damn time!’?”

Cullen sighed; this conversation was getting away from him. “I meant, I understand how it feels to be the liability.” She snorted. “I do! I have had to be rescued and I have felt the sting of helplessness. It is true that you're liability out there.” She gave him an indignant look.

“What? Are you the only one that is allowed to tell you that you are terrible at this? I, we are here to help you. Let us help.”

She looked away from him for a few moments. When she looked back at him she was no longer angry.

“Alright, I can do that. But I really don’t know how. I am sure the group didn’t exaggerate my ability, or inability as it were.” She smiled dejectedly.

“We all were like that.”

She laughed heartlessly. “No, please no, Cullen, do not say things like that!”

“Why?” He asked somewhat resentfully.

“Because! I doesn’t make me feel better. At all. In fact it makes me feel like a child.”

“Well, what should I say?”

“I dunno, but not that!”

“Good I will try that next time.”

She laughed mirthlessly. “Okay, I might be being a little unfair to you. I just don’t like this feeling of…”

“Helplessness?”

She sighed, “yeah…”

He nodded sagely, “You know what I tell people when they feel that way?”

She pointed her finger at him dangerously, “I swear to the Maker if you say…”

“…We were all like that once.” He had already readied himself to get punched in the arm but she didn’t hold back. But she was smiling again so Cullen counted that as a win.

Their laughter turned to giggles, which faded into silence. Neither knew where to take the conversation next. Luckily her stomach knew and took this opportunity to growl fiercely.

“Did you miss dinner?” He asked.

“No, I just haven’t gone yet.”

“You know that dinner is a specific time of the day? People generally gather together break bread, that sort of thing.”

She rolled her yes and smiled. “Yes, I am aware of this ‘dinner’ concept you speak of. I just want to finish my work and then go. If the kitchens are closed then can’t I just wave my hand and food should appear? I mean this mark should be good for something other than closing rifts right?”

“I don’t think it works quite like that.” He smiled. “Well I will wait with you and we can go together. Someone needs to ensure our Herald is eating properly.

Before she could think of a polite rejection, a small girl shuffled forward towards them.

“H’rald, you said you would read to me tonight?” The little girl couldn’t have been more than seven years old. She was rubbing her eyes in an effort to remain awake. She looked up at the Herald hopefully.

Evelyn knelt down to be at eye level with the child. “I’m sorry Allie, I forgot the time. I will be there in a few minutes okay?” She smiled at the child who gave a huge grin in return.

“S’okay!” She nodded vigorously. She moved to stand a few feet away, waiting expectantly. Evelyn stood up again and shrugged apologetically at Cullen.

“Sorry, another time perhaps?”

Cullen stumbled a reply “Of..of course Herald.” He looked at the child and then back at Evelyn, ‘duty awaits.”

Evelyn gave him a warm laugh and waved him off. She waited a few moments before she moved from her spot. She listened for his fading footsteps and it was only after she was satisfied did she move. She waved the child over towards the back of the shop then closed the door and away from anyone who might approach them.

She knelt down to face the child who was holding two envelopes. She smiled at the child and fished out some coins, and a sac of candied sweets. The girl’s eyes lit up at the sight and she eagerly held out her hands for her rewards. Once received she opened the sac and immediately dug out a candy and popped it into her mouth. She smiled approvingly. Evelyn laughed and stroked her hair.

“I’m glad you like them. I make sure you get more next time.”

Somehow the girl’s eyes got wider with delight. “Oh yes! Can you get the ones with the custard filling?”

Evelyn laughed again, ‘Of course! Thank you for retrieving these letters. I will have replies ready for tomorrow. Come find me after lunch okay?”

The girl was absorbed in her sac and just nodded. Evelyn trusted her assistant and knew she would find her tomorrow. She sent the girl off with a warning to hide the candy. Again she waited a few moments before opening the letters. Each were addressed to an Olma Tolden but were meant for Evelyn only. She sent out two letters. Each stating the same essential things but told in very different ways. She wrote to Sebastian Vael that the plan has been compromised with the destruction of the Conclave and a request to come back once the Breach was sealed. He would understand her duty to this and not require her to leave. She also told him that everyone at the Conclave was dead. This would include Ana Nevan and Fionntan Heber, her companions at the Conclave. This she could barely write. Until that point, even after her meltdown at the top of the mountain, she didn’t fully believe it. But once she wrote those words it was there, it happened. He was dead.

Ana she didn’t really know. She met you just before embarking and only spent the trip in her company. Once she arrived she left her and Fionntan to their own devices. It wasn’t easy to write about her death but his…well that was something different all together. It wasn’t just that he was a father figure to her. It wasn’t that he never got angry with her even when she did and would hurl petty words around. It wasn’t that he supported her so completely. It was all of those things. And, if she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t ready to have someone she cared about leave her. He was gone; and it didn’t matter that she had this mark on her hand she couldn’t bring him back. Her powers were meaningless and she felt it while writing those letters. She told him to have a funeral for them both. Ana would get one for her status alone, but she wanted to make sure Fionntan received due honours.

The other was addressed to Ronan. It was fairly formal for most of it. She relayed the army status and progression, her role in this new Inquisition, and any martial specifications she thought he would want to know. Then she told Ronan about his sister’s death. How she looked for their bodies and couldn’t find them, but that they are very likely have passed. She didn’t go into the gruesome details of their charred bodies but she did assure him that she looked for them. She told him of her grief. And then she told him of her father. About how his death never left her and she doesn’t know how to keep going without him but she always seems to. How, when she found out, the world didn’t stop. She heard conversations from people going about their day, laughing. The world kept moving but hers died that day. 

She finished with her thoughts about the Inquisition itself. How they are trying to right the course set by the Chantry but seemed to be unable to escape its shadow. This dooms the Inquisition to repeat the mistakes of the past. She wanted to distance herself away from this and return back home before she got too wrapped up in it. The last thing she wrote was that she wanted to see him when she returned home. She felt stupid for writing that. She wanted something to happen with Ronan, and this might be a step towards that. But she didn’t know if he wanted that as well. His feelings on the matter were pretty clear after that night.

But again, if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t really know why she pushed him away like that. She liked the kiss, really liked it. But maybe it was too much too fast. Whatever it was it freaked her out.  Now that she had time to think about it, she didn’t want to push him away. But now that she wrote it and sent it off she had been regretting it. After the Conclave, she didn’t think she could handle the rejection. 

So she opened Ronan’s letter first, to get it over with. It was written in short, neat handwriting.

 

_Dear Evelyn,_

_It was a surprise to receive a letter from you. I am deeply sorry to hear of Fionntan’s death. I know he held a special place with you and he will be remembered here as a great man._

_I also want to thank you for telling me about Ana. Did I ever tell you about when she was five, we wouldn’t let her come cliff diving with us? She hollered and cried but we told her she was too little to do it safely. So she waited on the beach while Connal and I jumped. Well, he and I got into an argument and we were so distracted that we didn’t see her climb up the rocks and jump off into the water. We immediately jumped in after her. Connal found her and dragged her back to shore. As soon as she got back to shore she jumped up and began running around shouting and laughing at the top of her lungs like she had gone mad! She stopped and pointed her finger at us and said “You said I couldn’t do it! But I did! I did! I did!” I knew then that I would never be able to tell her what to do ever again. And I never did. But that was the type of person she was. She knew when she was five that she was smarter than her older brothers. And she was right. It was why she was there instead of Connal or I. But I wonder if I should have tried harder to protect her. But I know she wouldn’t have let anyone protect her anyways. I told Connal and we are having a family honouring for her tomorrow. I will make sure there is something for Fionntan’s family._

_Thank you for telling me about your Father. I know that it was hard for you and I don’t know what I did to deserve your faith in me. I would give half my life to have the world stop for one moment for Ana. But the Maker did not hear my plea and the world moved on as if I were mute. The world seems a shade darker without her here and I know the same is for you. I don’t wish to have you grieve but I am grateful to have you in which to share it. I am sorry that was ghastly, but I hope you know that I mean it in the most sincere way possible._

_I share your view on this Inquisition. I would keep a distance from them. They do seem to have a singular purpose for now. But once this Breach is closed they will not want to give up their power. They will try and keep you under their control. If you need it, we can extract you. You will have done your duty by closing the Breach and they cannot ask more of you. And, a more selfish reason is that I want you here. I had to reread that part of your letter to make sure I was reading it right. If you are true to what you said then I wait with baited breath for your return home._

_Yours,_

_Ronan_

Evelyn couldn’t believe what she read. She hadn’t pushed him so far away that he wasn’t willing to come back. She smiled into the letter and closed her eyes. This would make her time here much more bearable. With a sigh she opened the other letter from Vael. This one was much shorter.

 

_Dear Evelyn Trevelyan,_

_I send my deepest regrets about your friend Fionntan. We heard of the Conclave but did not know the details of the destruction. Know that he is with the Maker now and he will be troubled no further. I thought of a passage that will help you with this passing. It is from Trials 1:14_

_I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade_

_For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light_

_And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._

 

_The Maker has a plan for us all and there is a path we all must follow. These times are troubled and the Chantry can help if you let it._

_As for your return, I cannot agree to your request. The Maker has chosen you to aid us in stopping this war. The overall plan hasn’t changed. But now, find out about who planted those explosions. Without making it known, find any Qunari that have approached the Inquisition. They will likely lead you to the answers we seek. I expect updates from your assistant and I appreciate your actions of discretion. We chose well by you and I can see that I am not disappointed._

_Sincerely,_

_Sebastian Vael_

She stared at the paper for several moments. She wasn’t going to be done with this was she? After Ronan’s letter this felt like a punch in the gut. Right now she wanted to run home. And now she didn't know when she could go home.  Ronan said that he would come get her if needed, but I don’t think that meant going against Vael.  She didn’t have a choice at the moment.

Evelyn gathered the letters and placed them in the fire pit. After ensuring that they were completely destroyed she finished her work and took her project home. She couldn’t have anyone finding it now.   Not until it was too late to stop her.


	8. Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan makes a crucial decision and Evelyn makes a mistake.

Chapter 8

 

Ronan stepped gingerly around the body towards his second-in-command, Calum. The body had stopped moving a while ago but you can never trust these Qunari to die properly. Not to lie still and strike cowardly once he got close. He resisted the urge to spit on the body; it would not be suitable for a man of his standing.

 

As he approached, the man turned towards him, holding what could only be the ax of the Qunari leader. Ronan nodded but did not reach for it. His second understood and dropped it carelessly on the ground. He did not respect their enemy enough to keep the souvenir. Ronan folded his handed behind his back and examined the battlefield with his companion.

 

“We only lost three people today.”

 

“Have Garrett send word and funds to their families.”

 

“Already did.”

 

Ronan snorted. Of course Calum would have everything taken care of already; even with the battle having concluded just moments before.

 

His soldiers were still stacking the fallen, any souvenirs stripped from their bodies beforehand.  There was certainly no loved lost here. Almost a hundred bodies would be burned, a vast number compared to what they lost. Some might call it a miracle but he knew better. They had the advantage. As long as no one found out what they were doing, they could win the war with little casualties. They just had to keep their weapon a secret.

 

A crow sailed above them towards the back camp. More orders from Vael most likely. He was very quickly growing to hate that man.

 

Nodding to Calum he left the man on top of the hill. Taking the reins from the guard he rode back to camp quickly, eager to deal with the bad news certainly coming from the capital. He always did what was required of him, never needing an explanation. But now, doubt crept into his mind.

The camp was a bustle of activity. Even though only three soldiers died, many were injured and those not, exhausted. His tent was in the centre of the camp so to be easily accessible to his soldiers. A messenger awaited him outside his tent, and saluted Ronan as he approached.

 

“From his highness,” the messenger said, handing a sealed letter to Ronan. Of course it was. His highness couldn’t give him and his soldiers one damn day to rest. Frowning his took the letter and retreated into his tent and closed the flap. No one should intrude, for a few moments at least.

 

He opened the letter, his frown deepening as he read. Once finished, he crumpled the letter in his fist. Exiting his tent he grabbed the messenger still waiting outside.

 

“Send word to Calum, I want him here now.” The messenger nodded and ran back to the battlefield to deliver his message. Now what to do?

 

He was slowly losing the world around him. He couldn’t let this stand any longer. But what to do about it?

 

He paced his tent, planning his next move. It wasn’t long before Calum entered and watched his friend.  Calum moved to stand in front of Ronan to stop his pacing. Ronan simply moved around him and continued.

 

“Where are we going now?” Calum asked, not understanding his senior officer’s agitation.

 

“It is where I’m going actually.” Ronan answered.

 

Calum nodding, catching Ronan’s eyes. He sat down and smoothly crossed his legs. “I see, I will inform the others. How many are you taking this time?”

 

“Five, I need to be fast and silent. I need to reach the coast as quickly as possible.”

 

“How long will you be gone for?”

 

Ronan stopped pacing and regarded his friend. “I don’t know.”

 

Calum nodded again, eyes unfocused as he planned. “You will need to disguise yourself. I can’t have word get back to me that you deserted. I would hate to have to track you down and kill you.”

 

Ronan smiled. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. I will ride out with you for one more day and then depart south. Make it look like an official mission.”

 

“What about the spies in our camp? Surely they know of his orders?” Calum asked shrewdly.

 

“Not this one.”

 

Calum nodded and stood up to shake his friend’s hand. “May the Maker watch over you.”

 

Ronan shook his hand solemnly. This wasn’t the last time he was going to see his friend. He was coming back. He was.

 

“And you.”

*****

 

Evelyn had welded the materials she needed so she could work in her cabin, away from former Templars. She could work at a slower pace here; she didn’t want to rush this one. She had a feeling that this could blow up in her face if she rushed this…literally. But she was almost done. Her sketches were detailed and with Harritt’s and Varric’s advice on some key parts, it was actually coming together. She just needed to test it. It was going to be loud. She needed to get away from everyone without drawing attention. Unfortunately being the Herald made this difficult.

 

She waited until midnight before leaving her cabin. The camp was quiet and the patrol would be coming around her area shortly. Her clothes were a mix of greys and dark greens. Perfect for blending into the shadows.

 

She quickly climbed the far side of the perimeter wall and hopped over; her years of climbing trees as a kid paying off in this moment. Landing on the other side she ran along the path up the mountain towards the Breach. She wouldn’t go all the way, just enough that they couldn’t hear her.

 

A half hour later she felt confidant that she was far enough. She crouched down and began assembling her device. Sliding the last piece into place, she opened her pack to bring out a small sack. Inside were small pellets, almost 50. She mentally wrote down to made a proper mould for these once she tested them properly.

 

Scanning the area she found a tree that would make a suitable target. She loaded the pellet into her device and poured the powder into the opening at the top. Once complete she squared her shoulders and aimed at the tree. She breathed in slowly, failing to calm her nerves. _You can do this, you can do this_. She repeated this in her head over and over again. _Okay, it’s now or never_. She readied herself and pulled the trigger.

 

BOOM! CRACK!

 

Evelyn was thrown backwards from the recoil and landed hard five feet from where she had stood. Her head hit the ground and her ears rang from the noise. Groaning, she slowly got up and swayed slightly. The ringing slowly died and the pain in her head subsided. She looked at the tree and saw the large hole where her pellet must have hit.

 

_Shit, that did more damage than I thought!_ She smiled giddily, she wasn’t going to be useless anymore.

 

But she can’t be thrown back every time she fired. She needed to practise. And It was also loud, very loud. Cursing she ran to the ledge that looked over the camp. Lights were moving around the camp, but not quickly. Most likely just the regular patrol. And none were moving towards the gates. No, she was safe to practise, but she should be careful.

 

She moved back to her position and widened her stance. She braced herself for the impact she knew was coming now and fired again.

 

This time she managed to stay on her feet but her arms ached against the recoil. She would need to do something about that, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to keep it up in a fight. She continued to practise and only stopped to write down notes.

 

Finally after an hour her arms were too sore and weak to lift the weapon anymore and her pellets spent. She would have to make more before she came out here to practise again. But she had a lot of work to do before that anyways.

 

Grunting she swung her pack onto her shoulder and made her way back to camp. Scaling the wall was much harder than before and she almost didn’t make it back over into camp. Quietly she snuck back into her cabin and closed the door. People would be waking soon and she should get some sleep. But she was too wired to even bother. Plus she wanted to get started on her modifications as soon as possible. They were going out into the field in three days and she wanted to be ready.

 

She went to her workbench and immediately started working on improving the recoil, first things first. A few hours later she sent word out to Harritt to construct a set of braces. Her day was interrupted by meetings in the war room. She scanned their faces for any sign they knew of her activities last night, but no one seemed to know, not even Lelianna. She was in the clear.

 

She nodded along and let them plan. She was too distracted to really pay attention. As soon as she could she dismissed herself from their presence and made her way to Harritt. Sure enough, he had finished her braces and handed them over proudly. She looked them over and smiled broadly. She threw her arms around Harritt, which made him blush furiously.

 

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

 

Harritt grunted sheepishly and mumbled a feeble “aye”.

 

Wrapping up her gift in cloth she carried her bundle through camp back to her cabin.  She opened her door to see Lelianna bent over her workbench.

 

Lelianna picked up her weapon and turned it over in her hands. She looked up at Evelyn and smiled. “Well well well, what do you have here?”

 

 

 


	9. Preparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn battles with Lelianna and tries to keep her secret safe. Ronan makes his way to the coast. And the Inquisition plans on an Inquisition with or without the Herald.

 

Evelyn stood frozen while Lelianna examined her weapon.

 

“So this is what you have been working on.” Lelianna wondered smugly.

 

Coming to her senses, Evelyn rushed to Lelianna and tried to grab it out of her hands. Lelianna, easily danced around her to evade her grasps. Lelianna laughed softly.

 

“You must want it back very badly. What does it do?”

 

Evelyn wanted to wipe her smirk off her face; she didn’t even know what it was she was holding. She clumsily made another grab for the weapon but Lelianna let her have it. Evelyn quickly wrapped it up and covered her schematics with the cloth, but it was too late. Likely Lelianna already memorized them even if she didn’t know what they meant. _Idiot! She probably had a key this entire time, it was never safe!_

 

Lelianna leaned casually against the wall as if Evelyn posed no threat. And she didn’t.

 

Evelyn shook her head slightly and waved her hand dismissively. “Nothing, this is a prototype and I will be changing it anyways. Right now it is just a useless chunk of metal.” Evelyn regarded Lelianna then and could see that she wasn’t fooled.

 

“Want to know what I think?” Lelianna pushed herself off the walk and walked towards Evelyn. She circled Evelyn predatorily; she was examining Evelyn with eager interest. “I think you are making a powerful weapon. I think you are planning on escaping and sending this back to Starkhaven. And I think you were more important than you let us think. Did you actually believe we wouldn’t find out who you were?”

 

“I told you who I was.” Evelyn raised her chin and spoke loudly, hoping that evoked more confidence than she felt. She would not back down from this woman.

 

“But you didn’t tell us _what_ you were.   And what you made.” Lelianna stood in front of Evelyn and stared unblinking. “You made bombs for Starkhaven. And now you will make bombs for the Inquisition.”

 

Evelyn smoothed her face, “no.”

 

“No?”

 

Evelyn brought herself to her full height, still a head shorter than the rogue. “I don’t have to do anything for you, and I certainly don’t have to make you a bomb.”

 

Lelianna continued to stare at Evelyn. Finally she moved away from Evelyn and towards the door. “Alright, you’re right. You don’t have to make us bombs. Just know that you are putting all of these soldier’s lives at risk for the sake of keeping your secrets.” With that she closed the door.

 

Evelyn stared at where the woman used to be. She wasn’t going to give in. Lelianna didn’t know what she was asking; she didn’t know what Evelyn was capable of.

 

Lelianna also didn’t have anything to threaten Evelyn with. They wouldn’t torture her, they needed her alive and well. To spread the good word of the Inquisition. No, as long as the Breach was there, she was safe. But afterwards…She would need an escape plan. They won’t let her go now.

 

She had a letter to write.

 

*****

 

The camp was unusually quiet when Evelyn emerged from hiding. There was the usual activity around the camp but she couldn’t find Lelianna in her tent. The Commander was also not on the training grounds even though there were soldiers going through the exercises. Cassandra was nowhere to be found and Josephine was not in her office, which could only mean one thing. They were meeting without her, to discuss her, and her weapon.

 

She walked to the giant wooden doors that led to the war room and pressed her ear against the wood. She could hear murmuring but could not make out the words. If she interrupted now she could stop them from planning. But then they would just meet again. No, she should let this play out for a bit. But watch them, and keep her own distance. She was foolish to think her stuff was safe in her cabin. She was too trusting. But now she knows better.

 

She walked away from the door and out of the Chantry where a young man with short-cropped hair approached her.

 

“You’re the Herald aren’t you?” He inquired.

 

Evelyn was hesitant to answer honestly. She didn’t like the attention being the Herald brought her. And she hadn’t met this man before. But maybe he had just arrived and wished her to perhaps bless his sword or say a prayer for his mum. Even though his face was worn, he held himself tall and upright.

 

“Yes I am. What can I do for you?”

 

“My company commander, Iron Bull, offers his services to the Inquisition.”

 

“Oh um you really should speak with Josephine about that sort of thing?” Evelyn moved to turn away.

 

The man placed his hand on her arm. “That’s the thing, I spoke with her and she turned me down.”

 

That stopped Evelyn. “Why did she turn you away?”

 

“Probably has something to do with our leader being a Qunari.” The man said matter-of-factly.

 

Evelyn found herself nodding, regarding this new opportunity. “I would like to meet him.”

  

*** 

Iron Bull proved to be different than what she thought. She had never met a Qunari in real life but she had heard the stories; and she heard the stories about the Qun. She didn’t trust him even though he seemed as far removed from the way of the Qun as she was. He knew she was from Ostwick but that seemed to be about it. Well as much as he told her anyways. A Ben-Hassrath spy would certainly know how to keep a secret. Likely he knew as much as Lelianna.

 

It seemed like a foolish idea to keep a Qunari spy in her group, she would need to keep him at arm’s length. But this way she could keep an eye on him and report back what he was doing. Iron Bull seemed more than fine to share where the Ben-Hassrath spies were over Orlais. She knew Vael and Ronan would want this information. But she was no spy, she was out of her depth, she can’t hold her own against a Qunari spy. And he can’t find out about her weapon, not yet anyways. That will get back to his higher-ups for sure. She needed to get it to Vael first. She kept it with her at all times now.   Afraid of leaving it anywhere where Lelianna might find it.

 

She could see his usefulness but she needed more time to plan.   So she came up with the only solution she could think of.

 

“Okay, I agree to hire your chargers. But I need you to go somewhere first. I need you to extract something for me. Can I trust your chargers with this task?”

 

Iron Bull regarded her sternly, which was even more severe with just his one eye. She concentrated on not squirming under his gaze.

 

“Absolutely Boss. You can count on me and my chargers to do your dirty work. Any specials tasks I will personally see to it”. He winked at the last part revelling in her unease.

 

Evelyn cleared her throat and nodded acknowledging the deal. She walked away before he could say anything more and told her group about the new additions. Hopefully by the time they come back she will have an idea about what to do.

 

 

*****

 

Ronan mopped his face with his hand and he stood by the railing to scan the open waters. The rain did not relent as the reached the southern coast. The air was colder here. His clothes were surely soaked and his companions were not pleased with the rain pelting them from all sides. Luckily they did not take it out on him. His soldiers were disciplined and most he had known for almost his entire life. They did not blame the weather on their leader.

 

Luckily they encountered no one in their travels. They travelled mostly at night and avoided anyone on their path, even caravans. He couldn’t risk anyone recognizing him. He grew a beard and dyed his hair to hide himself and the other did the same. You didn’t know when you would run into someone and he couldn’t be recognized by association however slim it could be. Word cannot reach Vael about his disappearance.

 

He had never been away for this long before. He hoped that Calum could keep up the act, but he knew not to risk his life for Ronan. Hopefully he can extract Evelyn from the grasps of this Inquisition and keep her safe even if Vael was willing to sacrifice her for his cause. The man grew more selfish by the day and this was the final straw. How he justified his actions to himself Ronan could not figure out. The man held himself to such a high degree, but maybe he saw this as for ‘the greater good’. Ronan had heard that enough times to know what it really meant. Vael had never seen those consequences up close. But Ronan had, and it sickened him. And he just couldn’t follow his orders anymore.

 

That is how he found himself on a ship heading to Fereldin shores and towards Haven. His soldiers did not ask him his plan, which is good because he didn’t have one. Not yet anyways.

 

He thought about Evelyn. It had been a long time since they had seen each other. He kept her letter on this inside of this jacket, to keep it from getting soaked. He dared not read it outside. Not that he needed to. He reread the letter again and again, memorizing her words. Thinking of her afflicted him with sudden impatience. He needed to see her now, to hear her voice. But he still had two more days on this boat. A haven was not on the coast. He would not be able to see her face any time soon.

 

He walked away from the railing towards the cabins where his soldiers waited patiently. He was grateful for their presence. He would need their strength in the coming weeks.

Would Evelyn be willing to go against Vael’s orders? He didn’t think about that until he was already on his way to see her. He tried to glean her response from her letter but he wouldn’t be sure until he saw her. He wasn’t sure what the Inquisition wanted with her or when they would let her go. The stories he heard were not heartening. This Inquisition was just another arm of the Chantry. Every one of their leaders borne from the Chantry. They wouldn’t give up power, their Evelyn, without a fight.

 

A large man with leathered skin darkened by tattoos approached him. He didn’t wear a coat and didn’t seem affected by the chill as Ronan was. But he wore a wide-brim hat. The man looked like he had never smiled a day in his life.

 

“Captain says to move inside, storm is getting worse.”

 

“How long is it expected to last?” Ronan inquired fretfully.

 

“Don’t know, the Captain just said to keep you all inside to keep you from fall over the side.”

 

“Will this delay us?”

 

But the sailor merely grunted. Deciding he had done his duty, he turned on his heels, and walked away. Once more wiping the rain from his eyes, Ronan sighed mournfully and stepped underneath to wait out the storm.

 

*****

 

Everyone stood in silence. The shock of Lelianna’s news overwhelmed them. Lelianna’s sketch of the device lay out over the war table. Lelianna stood with her hip cocked and her arms crossed, waiting patiently for her companions to grasp the news. The tableau was finally broken by Cullen shaking his head in frustration.

 

“But what was she going to do with it? Was she going to use it against us?”

 

Lelianna turned to the Commander, “I don’t know exactly. But she was very worried that I had found it.”

 

Josephine leaned over the sketching, running her finger over the lines. “She doesn’t strike me as a person capable of a coup.”

 

“No, but maybe she plans to give this to Starkhaven, to Vael. And then it would be out of our control.” Lelianna replied.

 

This caused the group to stir. It was one thing to lose something you didn’t know you had, it was another to give it to a possible enemy.

 

Josephine shook her head. “While Vael is not an ally to the Inquisition, he would surely not openly attack us, not with the Herald with us. He hasn’t even tried to reach out to us regarding the Herald.”

 

A light went off in Cullen’s head. He turned to Lelianna, “maybe he has, but not to us.”

 

Lelianna shook her head, “no, I have been monitoring every raven going in and out of Haven, I would know…” She trailed off as realization crossed her features. She let out an Orleasian curse causing Cassandra to wince. “I will have my scouts monitor every person that leaves Haven. I will find her helper.” A silence settled on the group once more.

 

Cullen had been examining the sketch during the debate. Swords and shields were his specialty but he could recognize the makings of a projectile. The closest it resembled is a crossbow, but this was unlike any crossbow he has seen. And if Lelianna was right, Evelyn could provide the Inquisitions with bombs. He was already envisioning equipping his soldiers with Evelyn’s inventions.

Josephine broke the silence once more. “And what do we do about the Herald? We need her on our side. She needs to be able to trust us. I feel it is our fault; we drove her away.”

 

Cassandra snorted. “She drove herself away, she never seemed to care about helping us to close the Breach. I am not surprised she chose to betray us.”

 

“Cassandra, we don’t know that and we cannot yet decide her feelings on this without discussing this with her.” Josephine reasoned.

 

Cullen flexed his hands causing his gloves to creak. His patience worn thin by this impertinent girl. "We have no allies, no soldiers. We could end this war now. She is condemning us to a slow death."

 

Leliana moved to stand in front of the tall man. Even in the light, her face remained in shadow. But it was Cassandra who spoke.

 

"We will be forcing our enemies to do the same against, we will be forcing their hand."

 

Cullen moved to face Cassandra, just enough to avoid meeting Leliana's gaze. "They already move against us. We need to beat them now while we still have the advantage."

 

Leliana continued to stare at Cullen as she spoke, "the Maker brought her to us. What the Herald has will change the world. We just have to convince her to let us have it."

 

Cullen dragged his eyes to meet hers. He understood his role. He did not believe the Maker sent her, he would not send such destruction. But their only hope of survival was through her. He knew what he had to do.

 


	10. Confessions and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn discovers something truly frightening about herself. And Cullen reveals his own secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I wrote along with chapter 9 so it comes up early. Let me know what you think!

Evelyn took her time getting back to Haven.   She wasn’t looking forward to reception awaiting her. Every night following her meeting with Iron Bull, she plotted an escape. But the scouts accompanying the Herald and her entourage never wavered from their posts. It was infuriating and depressing. They made her fell like a criminal. She was their Herald and she was nothing more than a spy in their eyes. Hopes for her escape dwindled with each passing day.

 

On the last night, Evelyn lay on her cot staring at the ceiling. What would they do when she got back to Haven? Move her back to the dungeon perhaps; make sure she doesn’t go anywhere. It didn’t matter now. She gave her letters to her little helper before she left; with luck the girl sent them before Lelianna got word of anything.

 

She couldn’t risk any more letters. Not for a while anyways. Lelianna would be watching her closely. And the girl didn’t deserve Lelianna’s wrath. She was on her own for now. But what to do next?

 

She sighed and got up from her cot, resting her feet on the rug on the floor. The brazier was cold, having gone out hours ago. Shivering slightly she moved her pillow to reveal her weapon. She grazed her hand over the cold metal.

 

“And what do I do about you?” She whispered. As if waiting for an answer she stared at the weapon. Turning it over in her hands she placed her finger on the trigger and pulled.

 

*Click*

 

The hammer pounded inside the weapon, but there was no black powder or pellet to project. Still it was a satisfying sound.

 

If she was going to use this then word would get out quickly, but maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe it was time for her to stop hiding and own something for once in her life.

 

She felt immensely powerful holding it. She raised her arms, levelling the barrel and pulled the triggered.

 

*Click*

 

She envisioned a demon running towards her.

 

*Click*

 

The demon writhed in agony and fell to the ground, disappearing. Another demon came from her left.

 

*Click*

 

The demon fell like the first, evaporating. This time two more demons came running towards her.

 

*Click* *Click*

 

The hammer and the wails of these demons echoed in her ears. She smiled as she imagined four demons coming towards her attempting to encircle her. Swivelling, she pointed the barrel at each in turn.

 

*Click* one down. Pivot, point, pull.

 

*Click* two down. The others edging closer to strike.

 

*Click* three down. The last demon swayed behind her causing her to pivot fully to face the demon. Only this time it was Lelianna that appeared in front of her.

 

*Click*

 

 _Oh no_! As soon as she fired she threw the weapon to the ground. The imaginary Lelianna instantly vanished but the image was burned in her mind. _Why did Lelianna…_ She refused to follow that train of thought, terrified of where it would lead. _I’m not that kind of person I just got carried away._ She would have to do better if she were to trust herself with this again.

 

Gingerly, she picker up the weapon by the hilt and wrapped it up in its cloth before placing it under her pillow. Out of her sight she took several breaths to clear her mind of what happened.

 

She heard voices and activity outside her tent. They would be moving soon. Looking once more at where her weapon lay she resolved herself to not that ever happen again.  

 

*****

 

Evelyn walked her horse up the hill towards the stables where the leaders of the Inquisition awaited her. She was not surprised in the least. Lelianna stood in front of them all, feet apart and arms behind her back. Evelyn couldn’t look at her without imagining what happened the night before. She didn’t hold that much hatred in her heart against the woman, so she needed to figure out why she did it. She wished Fionntan were here. She needed someone to talk to about this.

 

She pulled her horse up to the congregation, and she was surprised when the Commander came up to help her down. Confused, she took his hand as he guided her off the horse. She pulled away and turned to regard the group. Before she could open her mouth, Josephine spoke.

 

“Herald, welcome back. How was your journey? We have much to discuss since your parting.” She made a slight bow towards Evelyn.

 

Evelyn didn’t know what to make of this. She made herself look at Lelianna for some sort of clue, but the rogue was as elusive as ever. Lelianna unfolded her arms and walked towards Evelyn. Evelyn resisted the urge to step back.

 

“Herald, I apologize. I feel that it was my actions that drove you away.” She spoke softly, remorse oozing over her words. “Since you have arrived I have not treated her fairly. And I aim to change that, starting now.” She emphasized the last with raising her hand to Evelyn.

 

Evelyn was taken aback by these actions. Dazed, she shook Lelianna’s hand. She felt the guilt over last night rise in her chest. She cleared her throat and took her hand away. She looked at the rest of the group, who awaited her response.

 

“Thank you. I um, I don’t know what to say. I haven’t been as forthright as I could.” She looked at Lelianna; her eyes were cold, hard. _So not everything has changed_.

She pulled her bundle out of her satchel. All eyes followed the bundle and she unfolded the cloth. A small gasp could be heard from the group, although she couldn’t be sure from who. She presented her prize to the group, who quickly crowded around it. The commander moved to pick it up but Evelyn quickly pulled away clutching it to her chest.

 

“No. Only I ever get to hold it.”

 

The Commander raised his hands in surrender. “My apologies Herald, I am merely fascinated by such a device.” She seemed soothed by this remark and presented the device once more. She turned it over and demonstrated how she would use it in battle.

 

“Can you load more than one pellet?” Cullen asked, truly curious.

 

“Not at the moment. Right now it is individually loaded only, but I have been practicing loading it with the fire-powder and I am actually quite fast.” She blushed slightly at this remark. She seemed more alive now than he had ever seen her. Gaiety poured out of her as she demonstrated how she would load it with her pellets. She seemed to forget who she was speaking to. Once finished, she looked at each of them. No one knew what to say next.

 

Josephine broke the silence. “Herald, you must be very tired from your travels. I have drawn a bath in your cabin. Tomorrow, we could discuss our next move at your convenience of course.”

 

Reminded of her fatigue, Evelyn visibly sagged. “Yes, I am very tired, thank you Josephine.” She rewrapped her weapon and placed it in her satchel. The group bowed to Evelyn who inclined her head. _This is weird_. She left them and made her way to her cabin.

 

Just as Josephine promised, the bath was ready for her. She immediately stripped off her clothes and placed the satchel next to the bath and the head. She carefully stepped into the hot water and immediately groaned. Her whole body ached from travelling and she revelled as the heat soaked into her bones.

 

After a few minutes she began to recall that last encounter. Josephine seemed normal. She was always pleasant to her. Cullen seemed clumsy and odd, but she didn’t know him well enough to judge. And to be honest, he always seemed clumsy and odd around her. That left Lelianna. She was plotting something for sure. Her words were compliant but her eyes told her exactly what that meant. She needed to be careful about her. Her brain decided that she had had enough conspiring for one day and refused to think of it further.

 

She turned her thoughts to Ronan, and what he was doing. Probably riding his horse, barking orders at his soldiers. Maybe sitting in his cabin reading a boring book on some old battle that no one but him cares about. She smiled at him describing the battle to her, a boyish grin on his face. Her thoughts strayed further to what she would want him to be doing. He would be running through his morning exercises, but this time without a shirt. Sweat dripping down his torso. Then she started to think about what she wanted him to do to her.

 

Suddenly a loud knocking woke her from her reverie. Irritated she ignored the knocking and sunk further into the bath. The knocking continued, this time followed by the Commander’s voice.

 

“Herald?”

 

 _The camp better be on fire!_ Evelyn got out of the bath and wrapped herself in the towel. She searched her cabin for her clothes but all that was clean was her Herald uniform. Not willing to put that on she decided to stay in her towel. It was large enough and the commander could just deal with it.

 

She opened the door and the commander rushed in. She closed the door to face the commander who was looking up at the ceiling.

 

“My apologies Herald, I should have given you time to change.”

 

Evelyn grinned. The commander’s face was an impossible shade of red. She granted him mercy and moved behind the screen to change into her Herald outfit. She could put up with it for a few moments. She emerged from behind the screen to find the commander still looking at the ceiling. She cleared her throat and he risked a peek around his shoulder. He visibly relaxed seeing her clothed and moved to sit in the chair but stopped short.

 

“May I sit Herald?”

 

Evelyn was not used to such deference from the commander. She quickly came to and waved her hand dismissively.

 

Once seated, the commander rubbed his temple before continuing. “I am sorry to bother you, I know we won’t be discussing matters until tomorrow but I must confess something to you. When you were gone, Lelianna told us of your weapon.”

 

Evelyn was not surprised. She was expecting as much from the rogue. The Commander continued before she could think on it further.

 

“We then discussed what we should do…with you.” He looked at her then. Evelyn remained silent, giving him time to confess. Inside she was terrified.

 

“Lelianna decided that you needed to be convinced to give up your weapon.” The commander was visibly shaking from the distress. Evelyn felt torn but did not move from her spot. “And what she decided was that it would be _me_ that would convince you.”

 

This confused Evelyn. _So they are not going to torture me to give up my secrets. But that doesn’t explain what he is doing here._    She moved to sit down at the only available seat, which was her bed. “So what are you telling me exactly?”

 

The commander got up from his chair and began to pace the room. Finally he stopped in front of Evelyn. His eyes were wide, innocence and pain etched on his face. “I was supposed to seduce you, gain your trust so that you would help us.” She could feel his shame. He looked down then, unable to meet her eyes. “I am sorry Herald. While you were away, I thought I could do it. But seeing you now, I cannot deceive you. Please forgive me.” The last was said in a whisper.

 

Evelyn immediately got up and moved to stand in front of the commander. She grasped his face, causing him to look at her. She looked into his eyes; he struggled to maintain her gaze. She continued to peer into his eyes without speaking.

 

Cullen felt her penetrate his mind. He wanted to look away. He was about to say something when she pulled him towards her into an embrace. After a moment he hugged her back and felt her exhale.

 

“I’m sorry she made you do this.” She whispered against his neck.

 

“I’m sorry that I agreed to do this.” He pulled back so that he could look at her. “I shouldn’t have agreed, we should have figured out another way. I will tell Lelianna tonight that I cannot do it.”

 

Evelyn smiled, and put distance between the two of them. “Thank you, I will work with you all to fix the Breach. But please understand that I cannot give you the details of this weapon. It isn’t something that should be duplicated.”

 

“I understand. I will bring the others around as well.”

 

“Thank you Commander.”

 

Cullen smiled slightly which tugged on his scar. “Please, call me Cullen, in private at least.”

 

Evelyn returned the smile. “Alright Cullen. Same for you, I don’t care for the title Herald.”

 

Cullen bowed theatrically, “As you command Evelyn.” Evelyn smacked him lightly on the arm.

 

She pointed her finger at him “No bowing either.”

 

His smile faded and he gazed solemnly at her. “I shall do as you desire, Evelyn.”

 

She stared at him silently; unable to maintain eye contact she looked away. “Thank you Cullen. I am quite tired now. I shall see you tomorrow.” She heard him shuffle towards the door.

 

With a hand on the doorknob, Cullen paused. “Good night Evelyn.” Not waiting for a response, he quickly left the cabin.

 

Evelyn let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She moved to the door and locked it. Resting her head on the door she replayed the conversation in her head. _What just happened?_

 

*****

 

Cullen did not pause after leaving Evelyn’s cabin. He marched to Lelianna’s tent, unsurprised to see her still working at this hour. He waited while she finished writing a note and gave it to a waiting scout. Finally finished and alone, he moved inside the tent. She sat down in the only chair leaving Cullen to stand.

 

“How did it go?” She asked smoothly.

 

Cullen folded his arms in front of him, a small smirk displayed over his mouth. “Better than I expected, she doesn’t suspect a thing.”


	11. Love will always find you and bring you back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn spends time with Cullen. Evelyn makes some important decisions and Ronan finds an unexpected surprise.

Josephine normally melodic voice washed over Evelyn. They had already met for two hours with no sign of stopping. Evelyn put up her hand and Josephine voice trickled away.

“Is everything alright Herald?”

Evelyn smiled assuredly at Josephine, “yes, sorry. I just need a break for a moment.”

Josephine inclined her head, “of course Herald.” She walked over to Lelianna who began a small conversation with her.

Evelyn got up and made her way over to the lunch table. She poured a cup of tea and cupped her hands around the mug for warmth. She saw movement out of the corner of her hand and saw Cullen approach the table grabbing a slice of bread. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“Thank the Maker for that. I thought she would never end.”

Evelyn giggled quietly. “Careful, if she hears you she will make it longer just to punish you and then we both suffer.”

Cullen chuckled softly, “Maker forbid, I wouldn’t want that…excuse me”. He reached around her to grab a cake from the table. Evelyn held her breath as the Commander leaned over her. She could smell his scent, his face almost touching hers. He didn’t seem bothered by the closeness. As soon as he drew near he moved away and took a bite of the cake and moved back to re-join the group. She chalked it up to her imagination running wild. The Commander flirted with her but it didn’t extend beyond that for which she was grateful.

After his visit a few weeks ago, they had been spending a lot of time together. He took time out of his day to train her in dodging and manipulating the battle so she can get away to line up shots. They ate most meals together and would often walk after dinner around camp. He told her she helped him relieve the stress of the day. She liked him, and liked his company. But she didn’t think of him in that way.

But when he leaned into her, she imagined tilting her head to meet his lips. It made sense though, Cullen had been kind to her and if she was being honest with herself, he was really quite attractive. The scar on his lip only added to his charm. But more so than anything is that she missed Ronan. And that loneliness reared its head and she lost herself for that moment. She told herself this again as she watched him converse with Lelianna. She wasn’t attracted to him specifically she was just lonely.

“Evelyn, are you ready to continue?” Cullen used her name instead of her title. He watched her meet his gaze. She didn’t answer for a moment, and then reaching a decision she nodded and approached the war table.

“Yes, I want to ask what soldiers you can spare for going to the Hinterlands and protecting Dennet’s farmstead?

 A pounding on the large wooden doors halted the reply on Cullen’s tongue. With a look to the others Josephine opened the door to an agitated messenger.

“Your Worship”, the messenger blurted out as soon as the door opened. “So sorry to interrupt but there is a large Qunari outside who says you hired him.”

“Boss?” The loud voice boomed from outside. All eyes turned towards Evelyn. Her eyes wide and mouth open in shock. After a moment a brazen grin sprouted on her face.

“Of course! I will come see him right away!” She bounded after the messenger, leaving the group with no choice but to follow her outside.

Cullen gritted his teeth and followed the procession outside to the Chapel steps where there indeed was a large Qunari standing in the centre of a large crowd. It seemed that everyone in the entire camp came out to see him. Most swayed between disbelief and alarm, but the Qunari either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

As soon as the Herald stepped outside the Qunari turned towards her and bellowed “Hey boss! How’s it going?” The crowd hushed and turned as one towards the Herald.

The Herald didn’t waste a breath and smiled broadly to the Qunari. “Iron Bull! Glad you could make it. Did you have any troubles finding your way?” Murmuring began within the crowd again. News would spread quickly that the Inquisition hired a Qunari mercenary. Cullen started to raise his hand to his temple; his headache began to throb, but forced his hands to remain at this side.

The Qunari named Iron Bull looked from the Herald to Cullen and the rest. He met Cullen’s gaze only for a moment but he felt naked under that gaze. The Qunari likely guessed that the Herald did not notify them before his arrival.

Cullen looked to Josephine who remained rooted in her spot. She gave a quick glance to Lelianna who gave the barest nod. Josephine cleared her throat delicately and swept her hand towards the Qunari who took it surprisingly gently.

“Welcome Iron Bull. We were not expecting you until tomorrow; forgive us if you did not receive the proper welcome. Please come inside and we can have your…staff sent to their quarters”

“It’s The Iron Bull ma’am and I was hired by the boss so I will wait for her to give me orders.” He stance was casual, almost bored, but Cullen could tell he could spring into action at the blink the Qunari’s one good eye.

Some in the crowd gasped, and Josephine jaw clenched. Surprisingly it was the Herald who came to her aid.

“Iron Bull, this is Josephine Montilyet, ambassador and chief diplomat for the Inquisition. She is a lady that deserves your respect. I will not have you or your men address her that way again.

A public dressing down seemed to do the trick and the Qunari looked at the leaders of the Inquisition in a minatory manner before nodding deeply. “You got it boss.”

The Herald nodded and exhaled sharply. “Good, now come inside, I am freezing standing out here without a jacket.”

The crowd quickly dispersed to give the Qunari room to walk into the chapel.    

Closing the door behind them cut off any more gawking from the crowd. They were alone to deal with mess the Herald put them in.

Standing back in the war room the Herald quickly launched into a plan involving the Qunari. She didn’t bother explaining his presence, as if their judgement didn’t matter to her in the least.

“…with them we will be able to help more villages, finally secure those lookouts you have been asking about.” The Herald gestured to Cullen. “And Iron Bull agreed to feed us information about the Ben-Hassrath.” He could feel Lelianna tense beside him. “Josephine, will you take care of their pay and accommodations?”

If Josephine was perturbed by this course of events you couldn’t tell behind her serene face. “Of course Herald.”

The Herald nodded and turned to the Qunari who leaned against the wall absorbing everything “Thank you Iron Bull, I will find you later and give you your orders.”

The Qunari uncrossed his arms and nodded to the Herald. “Alright Boss.” And left the others.

No sooner had the door closed that everyone spoke at once.

“Herald, you must tell me before you hire a mercenary group.”

“What were you thinking?”

“You cannot bring a Qunari here without telling anyone!”

Evelyn waited until they had finished their tirade. She expected their reaction and was rather pleased with how it turned out. The crowd gathering was a nice surprise. There was no way they could openly oppose her decision without looking incompetent in the process. She banked on their pride and she won. She wasn’t as reliant on the Inquisition now. Sure Josephine paid the Chargers, but it was Evelyn who went out and gathered the coin that filled their coffers. She was glad Iron Bull was perceptive enough to play along in front of them. She would have to work to keep him simultaneously on her side but still at arms length. But at least now she had a plan.

Once the opposition quieted down, Evelyn spoke calmly “I have made my decision, he stays. You dismissed him without investigating just how useful he can be. Just because you didn’t think of it doesn’t make it bad idea. Now if you excuse me I have to pack.”

Lelianna started towards Evelyn. “Where are you going?”

Evelyn smiled slyly, “Why, to spread the goodwill of the Inquisition of course.”

 

*****

 

Ronan sat with his men in the crowded tavern nursing his beer. His men followed his lead and kept the drinking to a minimal. Not enough to draw attention. A group of six men not drinking would surely draw the attention of the town. That was the last thing he needed before reaching the camp. He gave them his plan the day before just on the outskirts of the village of Haven. After some input and tweaking, his plan was ready to put into action. Didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. He wasn’t worried about being recognized, not this far south. He was afraid of Evelyn; of the stories of the Herald. There were no shortage of stories. She had been everywhere, helped out many villages, many people. She drove wolves away from farms, hunted ram to feed and clothe refugees, found a wandering ram and delivered him safely home. The stories didn’t end. The town couldn’t stop talking about the Inquisition and the Herald of Andraste.

Ronan stared into his glass and wondered if Evelyn would want to come home. Either she was being forced to do this by the Inquisition or she was enjoying helping people and wouldn’t want to abandon them. He had to think of that possibility and plan for it. All he knew for certain is that he couldn’t go back now. He was less than a day away from her and he couldn’t go back without seeing her face.

   He drained his glass and stood bidding his men a goodnight. His men smartly stayed seating instead of the usual stand and salute. Right now he was not a general and they were not his soldiers. The day ahead would set in motion his plan or his failure. Simultaneously apprehensive and impatient, it took every ounce of willpower to not get on his horse and ride into camp that night. But he had to stick to the plan, not just for him but for his men who were risking their lives for him. He could wait one more day.

 

*****

Evelyn hummed as she made her way back into the camp. Overall this was a long but productive journey. Val-Royeaux was less productive, but she didn’t really care about the Templars but she didn’t appreciate the accusations hurled her way. Along the way she picked up a surly elf who has connections in the underground. Evelyn was gaining influence every day. Sera didn’t seem to care about the Inquisition except for Evelyn and that worked just fine for Evelyn.

She stayed away from Haven as long as she could. Any task that needed doing she stopped, no matter the importance. Her team groaned and grumbled, but they could see that these little things made a huge difference to the people so they stayed beside her.

She was also more comfortable with her weapon. She practised with it every night, working on her aim. Varric asked to hold it but she declined. He smiled knowingly and didn’t ask again. But did coach her during practise. Blackwall and Cassandra kept quiet but would watch her practise. Sera was frightened of it “magical rubbish” even though Evelyn wasn’t a mage. When pressed about it Sera merely replied something about ‘It shoots fire doesn’t it?” Hard to argue with that really.

Iron Bull stayed away from it, not getting involved, as usual. She tried engaging in conversation about it but he didn’t seem interested. He most certainly was but didn’t want to talk to her about it.

Vivienne was not impressed and only gave the reply “I’m so pleased you finally managed to make something after all this time. Take your victories where you can, dear.” Then set off for her tent.

She had finally settled on a name. She didn’t name it after herself she wasn’t a narcissist. She remembered when she was little and her father gathered her and her brother into their library. With a large smile he brought out the biggest book Evelyn had seen. It was two feet long and almost a foot thick. It smelled of dust but looked well preserved. Her and her brother stood stunned as her father carefully opened the book. He motioned for them to gather beside him. With awe, they cautiously crept over and peered at the pages.

Most of the words did not make sense to Evelyn. The letters were the same as her language but the words were nonsense to her. She said as much to her father who chuckled heartily.

“Yes, they are not words you would know. These are what our ancestors spoke many many years ago. So long ago that the words are unrecognizable to us.”

“What do they mean?” Evelyn asked her father. She ran her fingers over the pages but did not dare to actually touch them.

“Well this one,” he pointed to the first word at the top of the page, “this mean water. And all these words here,” his finger moved to the right of the first word, “these are all the different version of the word that grew from that. See our word for water isn’t that much different from what they said. You can trace how it evolved.”  

He went on like that for a while, showing his children the history tracing back thousands of years. Evelyn was enthralled. Soon her brother left but she stayed with her father for hours, examining the book; captivated by the secret peek into the past.

“Which one is your favourite?” She finally asked her father as they were preparing to finish.

Her father looked down at her and smiled lovingly. “I have a lot of favourites. But there is one, here.” He opened the book to a page near the middle. He took her hand in his own and placed her hand near the bottom of the page. She looked where he pointed. _Filia_. That was the name.

 

*****

Ronan hoisted the heavy bag onto his shoulder and made his way down the hill towards the centre of camp. This would be one of the last trips of the day and he was glad of it. He heard the Herald was coming back today and he was hoping to time his trip with her arrival.

Sure enough as he made his way down the hill, he saw the group come through the gates. Evelyn was at the front but almost surrounded by her entourage. Ronan stopped and put the bag down and looked towards Evelyn. She was just as beautiful as he remebered. She had more sun than before. Being outdoors gave her skin an attractive tan. She was smiling at something the dwarf had said, and Ronan didn’t realize how much he had missed that smile. She brushed her hair away from her face gracefully and looked in his direction.

Ronan froze. He didn’t know if he was too far away for her to notice him. He would look different than she would remember and she wouldn’t expect to see him here. But he hoped; hoped that she would see him, jump off her horse and run to him. But she didn’t. Her gaze lingered in his direction but not at him and not longer than a moment.

She turned away from him towards a small group walking towards her. The man, Ronan recognized as the Commander of the Inquisition forces, in the group approached her and she smiled warmly at him. Ronan felt his insides turn. The commander raised his hand to her and she took it to help her down, all the while smiling at him. This is not something Ronan planned for. The commander placed his hand on the small of her back and led her towards the chapel speaking quietly to her. Ronan followed the couple as they left through the doors.

He stood frozen for several moments, disbelieving his eyes. This couldn’t be happening. Evelyn was warm and kind to everyone. This man did not have a hold on Evelyn’s heart. He needed to speak with her now more than ever. But how to get into the chapel and see her without raising suspicion? He thought he would have more time, let a natural situation present itself. But now, he needed to see her and more importantly, let her see him. She had to know that he was here.

A bump on his back brought him back to reality. He turned to find another soldier carrying a similar bag.

“What’s the hold up?” The soldier barked.

Ronan stared down the soldier who stood a full foot shorter than him. The soldier backed away slightly but still held his ground. Wordlessly, Ronan hoisted the bag once more and proceeded down the hill. He would finish his duties for the day and find out where Evelyn would be that night. He would find her and talk to her before it was too late, if it wasn’t already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filia-Latin feminine form for daughter


	12. No better reason to lie than the truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan tracks down Evelyn but can't seem to reach her.  
> Evelyn's world is undone and she is forced to make some crucial decisions  
> Cullen makes a move on Evelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story of Paragon Caridin is lifted from the Dragon Age Codex  
> http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Codex_entry:_Orzammar_History:_Chapter_Two
> 
> As is some of the dialogue throughout the story. 
> 
> The title is a play of the quote by Bo Bennett:  
> For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.

The supper bell rang signalling the end of the day for the camp. Ronan signed his timesheet with his sergeant and made his way to the mess hall letting the crowd take him for a while. While the leaders of the Inquisition didn’t typically dine with the rest of the camp he heard the Herald liked to do so. In the crowd he could maybe get close to her, see if she could recognize him up close.

He slowed when he entered the mess hall. He casually scanned the room but couldn’t spot Evelyn. Bodies behind him forced him to move through the procession, mechanically putting food on his plate.

His ears pricked when he heard someone utter ‘Herald’ and looked to find what the object of the utterance. He needn’t look long since the crowd thronged around a figure indiscernible behind the mass. He watched Evelyn as she proceeded through the crowd. She didn’t stop but slowed to say a few words to everyone who spoke to her. This would be his chance, she only needed to see him and he could figure the rest out later. Abandoning his place in line he moved to Evelyn’s destination and waited for her to come.

He watched her approach within feet of him when a loud voice boomed over the noise of the hall.

“Hey Boss, saved you a seat over here!”

Ronan watched Evelyn turn away from him towards the voice. A Qunari sat at the main table, beckoning her away from him.

Ronan instinctively moved his hand to the pommel of his sword. _A Qunari? Here? How does he know Evelyn?_ None of the questions would be answered as he watched Evelyn move away from him once more.

 

*****

Ronan walked up the hill, dispirited by the day’s events. Normally he liked this spot as it gave him a great view of the valley below. But today, he was in no mood to enjoy it. At the top of the hill, he took out his pipe and filled it with tobacco. Patting his pockets, he located his tinderbox and lit the tobacco. He took a long drag and exhaled cathartically. He began to plan his next move.

“Do you have a light?” A familiar voice asked from the darkness.

Ronan turned towards the direction of the voice. He saw a figure emerge from the shadows of the trees beside him. He couldn’t believe his eyes, Evelyn stood in front of him. She was looking at him expectantly. He realized that she had in her hand a pipe of her own and was waiting for him to help her light it.

“Sorry.” He fumbled with his own pipe and almost dropped it. _Get it together! You’re acting foolish!_

She laughed softly and reached for his pipe. She used the ember from his to light her own, puffing lightly. She returned the pipe to his hand, her hand lingering over his before pulling away.

She turned to face the valley, silently watching the horizon.

He risked a glance in her direction but she continued facing forward. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

“The view is lovely isn’t it?”

Off guard he could only reply, “yes.” Puzzled by her actions he struggled with his words. He moved to speak but she again cut him off.

“I don’t get a chance to stop and enjoy the view often. I am usually running around, like a chicken with its head cut off sometimes.” She chuckled softly and continued,  
“I am usually with my advisors. They are wonderful and I’m grateful to have them. They keep me safe as well, Lelianna has scouts protect me at all times.” She took several small puffs and remained looking forward.

It finally clicked inside his head. He did not dare look around and forced himself to remain looking forward. He thought he caught a dark shape in the trees off to the side but couldn’t be sure. They weren’t safe where they were He chose his next words carefully.

“Do you see that gap in the sky without any stars?” He pointed to a random cluster in the sky.

She followed his hand towards the sky, “where?”

He moved closer so that he was standing directly beside her. It was hard to be this close to her. He moved her hand so that she pointed at the clusters. He took the risk and whispered softly, barely audible even at this distance.

“Can I see you tonight in your cabin? I will explain everything.” Then louder, “Do you see it now?”

Evelyn nodded, “yes, I see it.”

He moved away from her again. The distance between them now left him feeling cold.  

“Those stars don’t appear until midnight. They are some of the last stars to appear and the first to disappear, well before dawn. That cluster is Judex or The Sword of Mercy. The cluster resembles an upside down sword.”

Evelyn nodded. “Judex, that has its origins in old Tevinter. The symbol was used to indicate a guilty verdict, sending the person to be executed. See? I know things too.” She grinned at him. “I’ll watch tonight for them then.” She tapped her pipe against her sole. “Thank you for the light and the conversation…” She waited expectantly.

“Brandon my lady. And the pleasure was mine alone.” He didn’t risk looking at her again as she walked down the hill. He waited for a half hour before descending the hill to make sure the coast was clear. He had a few hours to kill before midnight and he was at a loss as to what to do.

He went to the residence and spoke with his men. He daren’t say anything about Evelyn until after their meeting. Restless he left the residence well before midnight and wandered outside. The patrols were easy to mark, and he effortlessly evaded them. He scanned Evelyn’s cabin and couldn’t spot any scouts.

Taking a deep breath, he crept towards her door. He stayed in the shadows until he was at her doorstep. He knocked softly. Instantly the door opened and he slipped through.

Evelyn locked the door behind him and pulled him away from the windows. She cocked her head, listening for something. Satisfied she breathed a sigh of relief.

Finally finding himself in her company shattered whatever speech he had planned. He was content to be in front of her, in her presence alone at last. She flashed a smile at him before pulling him into an embrace.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” She whispered into his ear.

He chuckled, “I know, I’m sorry I surprised you.”

She pulled back from him so that she could examine his face. She shook her head and smiled. “No I am glad that you’re here.” Her smile faded. “But why?”

Ronan reached up to cup her face in his hand. She leaned her head into his palm, nuzzling. “Evelyn…”

He had no words to express his feelings. He tipped his head and brought his lips to hers. Evelyn raised her own to meet them. She tasted sweeter than he remembered. The kiss deepened and she opened her mouth, inviting him in. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled him closer. His body warmed with her contact. He felt her body cling to his.

Finally releasing themselves, Ronan saw that her breathing was ragged, and a large grin covered her face.

“Is that why?”

He laughed aloud and shook his head. “No.” His smile faded at what he would say next. He saw her face grow worried.

“What is it?”

Ronan took a breath to steady himself. “I have come to take you home. Back to Starkhaven.”

Evelyn’s face crumbled into confusion. “I thought Vael ordered me to stay here, has he changed his mind?”

Ronan shook his head sadly.   _Just say it like you had planned it!_ “Well yes. The last orders I received from him said that we were abandoning you to the Inquisition.”

Evelyn took a few steps back until she was backed against the wall. She shook her head several times as if to shake his words from her mind.

“But the last thing he said to me was to stay here and gather information. Why did he change his mind?”

“He thinks you’re influenced by the Inquisition, that you have turned against Starkhaven.” She started to shake her head violently.

“But why would he think that? He _ordered_ me to stay here when I wanted to leave, and now he is accusing me of treason?”

Ronan rushed towards her and clasped his hands on her arms to stop her spiral. “I don’t know I am so sorry Evelyn. After your letters stopped he began to grow suspicious. His last letter to me informed me about your fate. I couldn’t let that happen to you, so I came here.”

Her head stopped shaking and she looked up at him. “You want to bring me back?” She asked incredulously.

Ronan nodded slightly, “yes Evelyn.” Evelyn shook her head and pulled away from him to pace the room. She paused in front of him

“If I go back, am I going back as a traitor?”

Ronan raised his hands dejectedly. “Yes, for now.” Evelyn exhaled sharply and began to pace again. “But we can change his mind.”

Evelyn stopped her pacing and regarded him. “How? I can’t even get letters out of Haven without Lelianna reading them? How can I convince him that I’m not a traitor?”

“I have a plan.” He pulled her to the bed to sit down. He held onto her hands. “I came here with some men I can trust. They are planted around the camp. Some are soldiers like me; one is a clerk in the chapel. But one is on the outside. He is playing a trader; he can walk in and out of Haven without scrutiny. He can deliver your letters.”

“But a letter won’t solve this.”

Ronan stroked her hands soothingly. “No, but it will help. We need to establish contact again with Vael. Next we need to convince him that you’re still on his side.”  

Evelyn was looking away, thinking. She was silent for a few moments. She turned back to him, brows furrowed. “Don’t you mean _our_ side?”  

Now it was Ronan who looked away. “Not anymore, I left the army. I don’t have anything in Starkhaven to return to. And Vael is dead set on a war with the Qunari regardless of the risks. He has becomes reskless. I cannot serve a man like that anymore.” Evelyn moved to pull him back to her. Her eyes glistened in unshed tears.

“Ronan, I know you’re a good man. I don’t question your convictions. I believe you did what you think was best, I know that it was not an easy decision.”

Ronan paused, now was the question he dreaded to ask. “But I have to ask you. Do you want to go back?”

Evelyn bit her lip, considering the question. “I don’t know.” She breathed. “I mean, if you had asked me a few hours ago I would have said yes. But now I don’t know if I _should_ go back. _But._ I don’t see my life here. After the Breach is closed, I’d planned on leaving. I never wanted a part in the Inquisition.”

They were both silent for a while. Each were deep in their own thoughts. Evelyn sighed deeply breaking Ronan out of his meditation.

“Regardless of where we go later, we need to convince Vael of my innocence. If he is as reckless as you say then he could go after the Inquisition.”

Ronan nodded. “Yeah you’re right. We can decide later what we will do about leaving Haven. Let’s conquer this problem first. But first I have a pressing question?”

Evelyn looked at him with newfound concern. “What is it?”

“May I kiss you again?”

Evelyn’s face lit up with a laugh. “Of course! I thought you’d never ask.” She leaned forward and he brought his lips to hers.

All at once the future and past melted away. All he could think of was the taste of her lips and the touch of her skin. Everything else could wait. They found each other again. That’s all that mattered.

 

*****

It was almost dawn. They stayed awake the whole night, talking, catching up on each other. Birds outside began to sing preluding dawn.

They lay on the bed, legs intertwined. Evelyn rested her head on his chest.

“I saw you earlier today you know?” The last was said in a yawn.

Ronan raised his head to look at her. “I wondered. I saw you come in on your horse. You looked in my direction but I didn’t think you saw me.”

“I did, well first I thought it was someone who looked like you; different hair and a beard but with your face. I didn’t want to stare. But when I saw you later at dinner I knew it was you.”

“You’re very good at hiding it. I didn’t know until later when you stalked me from the shadows.” Ronan joked.

Evelyn laughed softly which turned into a yawn. “Yeah, I’m a regular rogue didn’t you know? I’m glad you caught on though. Not sure what else I could have said to get through to you.”

Ronan chuckled in agreement.  His laughter soon faded. “So do they always follow you?”

Evelyn groaned in response. “Yeah, I made a few mistakes at the beginning. They don’t really trust me, so now I have a _guard_. But I’m working on gaining their trust back. _Eventual_ ly they must give me more freedom.” She let out an exacerbated sigh.

Ronan stroked her arm. “Don’t worry, you have more people on your side now. I will point out my man to you, he's posing as the trader. It will not raise an alarm to meet him. He will set you up with anything you need.”

“Thank you.”

Ronan kissed her head in acknowledgment. The birds outside grew louder and he could see light beginning to appear outside. It was time for him to go. Evelyn sensed it too. They reluctantly rose from the bed. Ronan gathered his shoes and Evelyn kissed him lightly as he stood by the door.

“We should probably give it a day to disparage any suspicion. I am not planning on leaving Haven for a few weeks so we have time to plan our next move.”

Ronan smiled down at her, and brushed some hair away from her face. “Yeah, good idea.” Once the coast was clear and with a swift motion, he left her cabin.

 

*****

Evelyn didn’t bother going to bed after Ronan left. The day was starting soon and much had to be done. Plus she was still flying from last night. She tried to keep her mood in check but a smile constantly crept onto her face. She met with some delegates from Orlais and found herself distracted and even humming to herself.

My mid morning Josephine pulled her aside to address the issue.

“Herald, am I blind or are you more distracted than usual today?”

Evelyn tried to school her face but felt the heat rise to her cheeks betraying her feelings. Taking a breath to calm herself, Evelyn began to launch into her defense.

“Sorry Josephine, I _am_ distracted. I…I had…” _Think! “..._ a dream last night _.”_

Josephine eyes narrowed unconvinced. “A dream?”

Evelyn looked past Josephine for inspiration. “Yes a dream, it’s rather embarrassing.” Evelyn did her best to look ashamed. “It was about…” _Anything!_

The door opened and the commander strolled in chatting with some messengers. He raised his head and met Evelyn’s eyes and smirked before bringing his attention back to his people.

Josephine caught the look and nodded understandingly “Ahhh I see. Say no more.” Evelyn didn’t say a word and let Josephine’s imagination fill in the holes. It got her off her back so she could let it go.

Josephine sidled closer to Evelyn and nudged her with her elbow. “So, you and the commander?” The amusement in her voice was unmistakeable. “I suspected as much, you have been spending an awful lot of time together. I have to say it is a good match.”

“What is a good match?” Lelianna’s voice inquired from behind them. They turned to see Lelianna glide from behind a column.

“Why the Herald and the Commander.” Josephine immediately replied. Lelianna took the news with a nod and a long look at Evelyn. Evelyn bit her lip and looked away, attempting to look embarrassed by this news.

“Yes, a good match indeed.” Lelianna appeared to have accepted Evelyn’s performance. “Does the commander know?”

“What am I being left out of now?” _Dammit! Why does everyone have to sneak up on me like this!_  The commander had approached them while Evelyn was distracted by Lelianna. Josephine and Lelianna looked innocently at Evelyn, forcing her to answer the commander.

“Uh..bout the meeting with some nobles from Orlais.” She looked at Josephine and Lelianna for help and received none. “They are arriving this afternoon, and we wanted to give you notice so that you could make yourself scarce.” _There, that was almost believable._

The commander looked alarmed at this prospect. “Yes, thank you Herald. I am grateful for the warning.”

Relieved, she began to move away, desperate to escape this conversation. “You welcome, now if you excuse me I have some preparations to make before this meeting.”

Before she could move, the commander interrupted her getaway. “Herald.” He stopped when she looked questionably at him. He started to rub the back of his neck. “If you are free tonight, maybe we could walk to the lake tonight. It is supposed to be a clear night. We can see all the constellations.”

Evelyn’s eyes widened at the invitation. Ronan and her agreed to keep their distance today but that didn’t extend to private walks on the lake with the commander. But luckily she had an excuse. “I am sorry commander but I am supposed to dine with Count de Colmar tonight.”

“Actually Herald, the Count has been moved to lunch tomorrow, he isn’t feeling well”, Josephine interjected.

   The commander physically brightened. “Well then, it’s a date.” He turned sharply on his heels and strolled away. Evelyn rounded on Josephine.

“What was that?!”

Josephine cocked her hip and raised her chin. “What you should have done. Herald, he obviously wanted to spend time with you alone. And isn’t that what you wanted?”

Evelyn considered her words. _I guess I have no choice. I can go along for a little while longer. They must be getting to trust me again now, if they approve of the commander and me._ She smiled sheepishly, “Yes, I just…wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well when opportunity knocks you must answer. He is quite smitten with you.” Lelianna remarked.

Evelyn looked at her in surprise. “Really?”

This caused the two ladies to laugh. “Yes really.” Lelianna replied. “Josephine will look after the Count tonight, you should go have fun with the commander.” Lelianna smirked lewdly.

Evelyn bid them farewell and walked back to her cabin. He didn’t think the commander felt that way about her. He was friendly but he never gave her any indication that he was interested in her romantically. Josephine and Lelianna were probably just messing with her; she should’ve come up with a better story. Now she was in quite the mess. But he did ask to see her tonight. _I shouldn’t go down to the lake. It has to be somewhere public and unromantic._ She needed to get control of the situation again. If she didn’t let her feelings show in the first place she wouldn’t be in this mess. She decided to take him to the tavern instead of the lake. She could probably pawn him off on her companions.

She managed to get through the rest of the day without incident. She met with Ronan’s friend and she felt confident that he would be able to help her. He didn’t stay in the camp but travelled every day here. It was the perfect excuse to smuggle anything in or out of camp. She waited out the rest of the day in her cabin. She didn’t want to risk any more incidences. Ronan remained true to his word and remained out of sight. It was hard, now that they have reunited it was sad to have to remain apart.

Evening came, and there was a knock on the door. Evelyn took a deep resigned breath. She opened the door to find Cullen out of his uniform and into nice formal coat and breeches. Without the fur draped over him, she got a good view of his broad shoulders and chest. He smiled shyly and shifted his feet under her gaze.

“Good evening Evelyn, are you ready?”

Mentally shaking herself, she commenced with her plan. “You know what? I’m famished! Why don’t we go to the tavern for some food?” Evelyn inquired hopefully.

Cullen reached behind the door and showed her a basket. “Actually I had the kitchen prepare us a meal.”

Not to be defeated so easily, she tried again. “We could stop by then and have a drink before heading out.”

“I had them provide us with wine as well.”

“You thought of everything.” She smiled weakly.

“Shall we then?” He held out his arm for her to take. She resigned herself to taking it and they strolled down the hill. She could feel eyes on them as they made their way through the camp towards the lake. She hoped Ronan was anywhere else; he didn’t need to see this display.

“I am glad you decided to come with me tonight Evelyn. I have been thinking of this of late. Every time you leave you walk into danger. Tonight, I wanted to take you away from that, if only for a moment. The noise of the camp doesn’t reach this place.” They reached the pier then. He placed the basket on the edge and pulled out a blanket. He began to pull the food out and placed in neatly on the blanket.

“Do you come here often?” Evelyn asked, intrigued despite herself.

“I come here to clear my head. The messengers know to leave me alone when I’m here.” He finished setting the food and looked up at her. He raised his hand, inviting her to sit down. “But I want you to have this place too.”

The lake was quiet, and she actually was famished. A few moments here couldn’t hurt. She sat down beside him. He smiled and began to help her with the food. He poured themselves a glass of wine. With a cheers they sipped their wine.

A silence dangled over them. She looked out over the lake. Despite the circumstances, this was a nice break from the Inquisition. She risked a glance at Cullen and noticed his hands trembling slightly.

“Are you cold?” She moved towards him, not really sure what she could do.

He clenched his fists and shook his head, “no..it’s not…” he paused, “maybe a little.”

“We can go back if you like?” Evelyn moved to get up. Cullen grabbed her hands gently and pulled her back onto the blanket.

“No, I can endure.” Realizing something, he snapped his fingers. “Wait! I brought an extra blanket.” He pulled it out of the basket and began to wrap it around himself. He stopped and offered her the other half. “We could share it, that is, if you are cold as well?”

She was cold, “no I am alright thank you.”

Cullen snorted derisively, “No you are not. You’re shivering. Come on, there is enough room.”

Left without a choice, she shuffled over to allow him to drape the blanket over her. She was warmer, but much closer than she wanted to be to the commander. She could smell the soap he used; hear his breathing.

“You’re quiet tonight.” He twisted to face her, which brought his face close to hers. His lips pulled into a smirk. “Have I finally bored you with my presence?”

She gave him a small smile. “No, I’m not bored with you, I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep last night.”

“Not at all?”

She shook her head.

“No dreams then?”

Her smiled dropped. She turned towards then and leaned back to regard him suspiciously. “Why do you say that?”

He pursed his lips. “no…no reason.”

Her eyes widened and blush engulfed her face. “Did Josephine tell you?”

Cullen gave her an innocent look, “tell me what?”

She hit him playfully on the arm. “You know exactly what I mean! Josephine told you I had a dream about you last night.”

He feigned surprise, “oh? You had a dream about me?”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, but a smile appeared on her face.

She was more relaxed now. She took a long drink from her glass and settled back down. The blanket pooled around her waist, but she didn’t seem to mind the cold anymore. She looked at him expectantly.

“What?” She asked.

He smirked. “Are you going to tell me what it was about?”

She shook her head vehemently. “Nope!”

He laughed and edged closer, bringing his voice down low. “Why? Was I doing something I shouldn’t be doing?”

She stared at him with her full slightly open. He may have pushed her too far with that comment. He would have to rein it in; he didn’t want to scare her off. He was about to apologize when she smirked.

“You were doing paperwork.”

He scoffed theatrically and leaned to one side. _Slowly._ He placed his hand nears hers almost touching. She didn’t move her hand. “Even in your dreams I work too much. And what were you doing?”

Her eyes shifted, hesitating. Her mouth moved slightly, as if she was battling with her mind. He needed her relaxed and his questioning was putting her off. He steered the conversation to safer grounds.

“Have you heard the story of the Paragon Caridin?”

He saw relief and curiosity in her eyes. “No, I haven’t.”

“It was the Ancient Age during the days of the First Blight. The dwarves were losing the war against the darkspawn. The kings of Orzammar were powerless to stop the destruction of the Deep Roads.”

She leaned forward she was intrigued.

“From the Smith Caste, a new Paragon named Caridin approached the kings with a new weapon. Men made of stone: Golems. With the golems, the tides of battle turned. The dwarves were victories and began to reclaim the Deep Roads. But then, one day, Paragon Caridin vanished.”

Evelyn was enthralled. She beckoned for him to continue.

“They searched the Deep Roads for him but they never found him. In a last act, the queen sent the entire legion of golems into the Deep Roads, but they never returned. Without the golems, the darkspawn retaliated against the dwarves. They were never able to fully recover.”

“For years no one knew the fate of Paragon Caradin. His tale remained unfinished until just a few years ago when the Hero of Fereldin happened upon his secret. When she was in the Deep Roads she found the secret that had stayed hidden for thousands of years.”

“For years, no one but Caradin and the kings knew how the golems were made. Volunteers sacrificed themselves and were used to animate the golems. Using the Anvil of the Void, he crafted the golems using these sacrifices. Over time, King Valtor grew tired of waiting for volunteers and began recruiting criminals and personal enemies for the sacrifices. Paragon Caradin refused, and for his principles he was turned into a golem himself by the king. But no one except Caradin knew how to control the golems so Caradin still preserved his free will. Betrayed by the king, his act of vengeance, he took the Anvil and disappeared.”

His story finished, he gazed at Evelyn. She had moved closer to him during his storytelling. She leaned forward, careless of their legs touching. She smiled at him.

“Wow, that was a great story. You tell it very well.”

“I am glad you liked it Evelyn.” He saw her blush. Then her features grew sad. She realized their closeness and shuffled away.

“What is it?”

“I should go.” She quickly got up. Without another word she ran off the pier and towards the camp.

He didn’t chase after her, only watched her run out of sight. He raised his head towards the night sky and exhaled, frustrated by the turn of events. She seemed within his grasp, but something in the end spooked her. Lelianna said this would be easier. She should have relented by now; given up whatever fantasy she had about keeping her secrets. He would have to speak with Lelianna, come up with a different plan that didn’t have him wasting his time with this girl, puffed up on her own imagination.

She thought she was being compassionate keeping her secret from them. She was naïve to think she was right. The world burns because of her arrogance.

Angry, he stomped back to camp. His headache had returned tenfold. Miraculously, it was absent for the entire evening.

He approached his tent to find a new pile of reports awaiting him. He rubbed his temples to relieve the pressure building. No wonder she dreamed of him doing paperwork, he never seemed to stop. He stopped. _She dreams about me. Sure it’s dull. But she thinks about me enough to dream about me at all. BUT the paperwork could have been a ruse. She seemed embarrassed to talk about it all. Paperwork doesn’t do that._ Maybe he was closer to their goal than he realized. He could bide his time for a little while longer. Soon she would be his, along with her precious secrets.


	13. Trust and Other Drugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan finally meets Cullen although not in the way he had anticipated. Lelianna's schemes.  
> Evelyn and Ronan make plans of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhat NSFW near the end.

Ronan waited on the side, watching his fellow soldiers run through the exercises. The commander was berating them and for good reason. They were not very good. He ordered his own men to tone down their skill. They didn’t want to raise any suspicions by annihilating their opponents. But this was hard to do with these farm boys playing soldier.

Clearly frustrated by their performance, the commander orders the group to stand down. Next was Ronan’s group. He was paired with a man about his own age, but might as well have been a kid for how he awkwardly held his sword and shield.

Ronan preferred the two-handed sword. It was heavier, but he was light enough on his feet to evade most attacks. He raised his sword into a defensive stance and waited for his opponent to attack.

His opponent raised his sword and ran towards him. Ronan easily sidestepped the attack and resisted striking the poor man from behind. Overstepping, the man stumbled to regain his footing and charged at Ronan again. This time Ronan parried and with a swift twist of his sword, he struck the man on his side. The man stumbled back with a grunt. He growled at Ronan.

Not learning, the man charged again. Ronan parried, and swung his sword to the other side. The man had no time to raise his shield before Ronan struck. The man fell over with a loud thud. This caught the eye of the commander.

“You there! There’s a shield in your hand. Block with it! If that man was your enemy you’d be dead!”

Ronan lowered his sword and approached the man with his hand out. The man took it and raised himself up. He looked at his sword and shook his head in defeat.

“I am never going to get this!”

Ronan felt for the poor man. He wasn’t getting any instruction from the trainers and if he goes out into the field he will likely die. Ronan lowered his sword to the ground at their feet and used it to rearrange the man’s feet.

“Here, stick your foot out like this. This will give you better balance. Always have your shield slightly up like this.” He raised the man’s shield arm. “This means you will always be ready to block. When you do, strike with your sword. Try it.”

Ronan swung his sword at the man. Thankfully the man raised his shield and successfully swung his sword at Ronan. Ronan parried but he saw the smile on the man’s face.

“Good! Keep an eye on my feet. Your opponent will try to feint to trip you up but the feet never lie. Like this.” Ronan deked to the right, then struck on the left. The man barely knocked his sword away. Now the man was grinning.

“Good, now when you come at me. Don’t charge straight at me. Dance around me; get me to shuffle and shift around you. Got it?”

The man nodded vigorously.

“What’s your name?”

“Carston.”

“Alright, Carston let’s go again.” Ronan readied his stance when a shout interrupted them.

“You there! Come here!” The commander pointed at Ronan who glanced quickly around. But it was Ronan the commander was beckoning. Ronan sheathed his sword and approached the commander with a smart salute. He wasn’t foolishn after all.

He had never been in front of the commander before. When he joined, he passed through with the lieutenants and only saw the man when he was barking orders at them. He was secretly pleased to see he stood an inch taller than man. The commander had his arms crossed in front of him.

“What’s your name recruit?”

“Ellis sir.”

“What were you doing over there?”

Ronan mentally scolded himself for his display. Of course it would get the attention of the commander. For his answer to the commander, he decided to go with the truth.

“Just helping out my comrade sir.”

“Yes, so I see. And where did you learn those techniques?”

The truth seemed to be working for him. “I trained with the army of Starkhaven sir.”

The commander nodded. “Yes, your accent gives you away.” He said somewhat sarcastically. “What rank did achieve while you were there?”

“Captain sir.” Not a lie exactly, it wasn’t his fault the commander wasn’t specific about time.

The commander continued nodding approvingly. So far Ronan was able to stay ahead. The truth was easier to maintain than a lie.

“How long are you planning on staying with us?”

“Until the Breach is closed sir.”

“Not after that?”

“Didn’t know there was an after that sir. But I suppose there is work to be done afterwards.”

“Right you are.” The commander called over one of his lieutenants. “Tarrish, I would like you to start the paperwork on Ellis’s promotion to Sergeant.” The lieutenant gave Ronan a once over, assessing this newcomer’s qualifications. Ronan returned her gaze confidently.

The lieutenant smirked at Ronan before turning to the Commander to salute. “Yes sir!” Once she was gone, the commander continued on as before.

“I hope you don’t mind the rank of Sergeant. It isn’t Captain, but I think you will manage under this new role.”

Ronan kept his face neutral. “Yes sir.” He did mind. This would make it harder to leave Haven. But he couldn’t dismiss the commander without drawing unwanted attention.

“You will be in command of your own unit.” The commander then proceeded around the perimeter of the training grounds. Ronan had no choice but to follow.

“Yes sir, although can I make a request?”

The commander stopped, “And what is that?”

Ronan made sure to keep looking forward. “Can I choose who’s in my unit?”

The commander smiled, “Of course you can. Who do you have in mind?”

Ronan made a point of scanning the grounds. He took a risk but he had to keep his men together and safe. “Lyons, Wade, Flynn, Vermeer, Sprouse, and Carston sir.”

“All those except for Vermeer and Carston are from Starkhaven too.”

Ronan predicted the question. “Yes sir, we were on the same boat coming here. Good guys, all of them. Would be happy to serve beside them.” All of that was true, just the details were missing.

“And Vermeer and Carston?”

“Vermeer ‘s big, can take a hit like no other.”

The commander nodded knowingly, “and Carston?” Ronan looked over to the training grounds where Carston was running through what Ronan had taught him. His stance was all wrong but you couldn’t mistake the determination in his posture.

Ronan turned to the commander. “He has potential, plus you can’t discount the dogged spirit.”

The commander snorted. “No I suppose you can’t.” He turned to Ronan and held out his hand, which Ronan took. “Well, they’re your men now.”

Ronan felt relief pulse through his body. With his men under his protection once more, it was one less thing to worry about. Thinking the conversation over, Ronan began to salute before the commander cut him off.

“Sergeant, I want you to also help train the recruits. They must be ready for a real fight.”

Ronan nodded. “Yes sir.”

The commander continued, “Most of these recruits are locals from Haven and some surrounding villages.” Ronan felt it was safe to just nod, let the commander share whatever was on his mind. He knew these recruits were greener than the grass under their feet. He knew how to train them to be fighters and killers. But he was fine letting the commander say his piece.

“I myself was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall. I was there during the mage uprising. I was there for the attacks _and_ the aftermath. Cassandra found me trying to keep the city together. She had a solution to the problem and offered me a position in her team. So I left the Templars to join her cause. Now the Inquisition is helping people in more ways than just trying to close the Breach. We can make an actual difference.”

Ronan listened to him engrossed. He knew what it felt like to be responsible for so many lives. He had never been to Kirkwall but he heard what had happened. No one talked of the aftermath, the people trying to restore peace. Despite the circumstances, Ronan’s respect for the man grew.

“That is why I am here.” The commander turned to face Ronan. “But what about you?”

Ronan knew this question would come up. So he launched into his rehearsed speech. “I heard what happened in Kirkwall. The effects of it echoed throughout Thedas but Starkhaven seemed to repel it effectively. But when I heard about the Breach, I felt that not even Starkhaven would be safe from its reach. I put in my notice and left on the next boat.”

“They let you leave as a Captain?” The commander asked disbelieving.

Ronan smiled internally, predicting that question. “With the promise to return once this is over.”

The commander nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, when this is over.” The commander seemed to trail off then. Ronan wanted to take that as his cue to leave but he saw the object of the commander’s attention. Evelyn was walking with the elven archer towards them. _Sera was her name wasn’t it?_ She didn’t seem to notice them she was too engrossed in the elf’s story. Her face lit up with a laugh as Sera concluded her story complete with a very rude gesture. Ronan regarded the commander’s scrutiny and felt a pang of jealously surge through him. The rumours regarding the commander’s affection for the herald were true then.

Evelyn looked up then and saw the two of them standing side by side. Her face went from amusement to shock to horror before resting on an awkward smile in the span of a second. He could practically hear the commander smirking. Ronan bristled but the commander seemed to have forgotten Ronan all together.

Evelyn bid goodbye to Sera and approached her two suitors. She purposefully greeted Cullen first, despite her urge to throw her arms around Ronan. Cullen nodded deeply and smiled at her. Ronan gave her a bow, which surprised her, but they were in public after all. When he raised his head she didn’t mistake the yearning in his eyes. She surprised herself by being able to keep her face neutral and stiff.

“So what d’we have here?” She asked generally. _What could possibly bring these two together? Surely Ronan knew enough to stay as far away from Cullen as possible_. She needed to keep him out of this mess.

“This is Sergeant Ellis. He will be helping us train the recruits. I will have them ready when we close the Breach.” Ronan bowed again at the introductions and Evelyn had to resist rolling her eyes in front of the commander.

“My lady Herald. It is an honour to serve you and your cause.” _You’re such an ass!_

Evelyn smiled, “Oh! A Starkhaven boy. I thought I finally left you all behind when I came down here.”

The playful jab got a chuckle from Ronan. “We’re like bad pennies.”

“I’ll have Josephine review the coffers right away then.” This earned her another chuckle.

Evelyn looked at Cullen then who was scowling at the exchange. _Too far!_ She needed to stop the flirting before they were found out. She mentally shot Ronan a remorseful look.

“Cullen..er…Commander. I was actually looking for you, I was wondering if you had some time before our meeting this afternoon for some lunch.”

Cullen looked surprised for a moment before rubbing the back of his neck. “Of course Evelyn.” He didn’t correct himself, he wanted Ronan to know they were familiar with each other.

Cullen turned his back to Ronan and held his arm out for Evelyn. Evelyn took it but not before glancing back at Ronan who didn’t bother concealing his hurt. _I am so sorry! I don’t want to do this anymore than you want to._ Ronan didn’t respond, just turned and stalked back to the training grounds.

Guiltily, Evelyn returned her attention to the commander as they walked up the hill. Evelyn looked up to see Lelianna standing on the hill watching them. Catching Evelyn’s gaze Lelianna casually walked in front of their path.

“Commander, a word.”

Cullen was about to decline but the look on Lelianna’s face thwarted any refusal. “Of course.” He turned to Evelyn and raised her hand to his lips.

“Another time perhaps?”

A mixture of emotions clouded her face. But she accepted his answer, bid them farewell, and left Cullen to face the rogue.

“What is it?” Cullen asked irritably. _Whatever Lelianna wanted surely it could have waited until this afternoon._

“This is about you and the Herald.” _Apparently not._

He crossed his arms defensively, “What about?” He was doing his job liked she asked, with no help from her.

She pulled the tent flaps closed to prevent any interruptions. “I think we are losing her to the Inquisition.”

Confused, Cullen asked, “Aren’t we the Inquisition?”

Lelianna smiled which was more like a sneer. “The _rest_ of the Inquisition. She is gaining allegiances, but some are swearing only to her, not to us.” Cullen scoffed but Lelianna continued all the same. “We mustn’t underestimate the power that she is acquiring. We could soon find ourselves overthrown in a coup.”

Cullen didn’t bother hiding his disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

“How was the conversation with that Starkhaven man you just made Sergeant?” She asked coldly. _How did she…forget it!_ Of course Lelianna knew already. But did she know something about them.

“What do you mean?”

Lelianna softened her face. “They seemed quite…friendly with each other don’t you think?”

Cullen scoffed again, but he replayed their encounter again. There was definitely something there. Anger swelled inside him recalling their conversation. And jealousy? No, the man was just a brazen flirt. But Ellis would soon hear of his intentions and respectfully back off.

“So what do you have in mind?” He didn’t want to get rid of the sergeant. His experience was invaluable. Also, he was reluctant to admit but he thought he found likeminded companion. Someone who had been through similar experiences, _well never entirely similar_. He didn’t really have many friends here. His rank prevented him from making any close connections with anyone.

“I think one of us needs to go out with her next time. Try to sow some discord.”

“Doesn’t Cassandra go out with her?”

Lelianna waved her hand dismissively. “The herald never chooses Cassandra. And even if she did, Cassandra is not the best at subterfuge. Subtlety is not her best quality.”

Cullen couldn’t help but agree. There wasn’t anyone else who they could trust though. Finally connecting the dots, Cullen looked at Lelianna who nodded. “You want me to go.”

Lelianna smiled as if Cullen just performed a trick. “You two already have connection, she listens to you.”

“You seem to have forgotten, I have an army to command, soldiers to train.”

“I seem to recall you just appointed a qualified soldier to train your recruits.”

“I can’t leave a sergeant in charge!” Cullen countered.

“Not in charge, but have him participate in the training. Your lieutenants can take over the day-to-day.”

“And where will I be going with the herald?” Cullen asked, resigned.

“The watchtowers over Dennet’s farm are complete. I think an inspection from the Commander of the Inquisition would be a good excuse. It won’t take you away for long. We can survive for a few days without you.”

Cullen felt like their partnership was not equal anymore. Maybe it hasn’t been for a while now and he just didn’t notice. What choice did he have though? He was too far deep to get out now. Whatever Lelianna’s plan was he was along for the ride for better or for worse.

*****

Evelyn stalked through the yard. _How dare she?! She’s doing this just to get under my skin!_ Some pilgrims drifted towards her but with one look at her face they scurried in the opposite direction.  She needed to find Damien, Ronan’s friend, right away. Lelianna wasn’t going to get her way, not entirely.

She found him in the tavern sitting amongst some other merchants, chatting idly. _Apparently work is slow today._ She thought sarcastically.

Upon her arrival, the merchants rose to their feet and bowed mumbling apologies. Evelyn impatiently waved them away. She knew they didn’t deserve her wrath.

She scanned the table, the merchants were shamefully sheepish. “I need someone who deals the felandaris herb, I need 8 of them.” Predictably, no one raised their hand, it was a rare herb. It didn’t matter anyways she didn’t actually need them. Damien sipped his wine, and nodded.

Evelyn consciously calmed herself, and smiled. “That’s okay, if any come up let me know.” The table visibly relaxed. Without making eye contact with Damien she left the tavern and tried to find a way to calm her mind. But the first part was done. Damien would pass on the message to Ronan to come to her cabin for 8. Now she just had time to kill until then. Maybe she would go find Sera she’s always good fun.

 

*****

Ronan made sure to keep moving during the evening. If only to keep his mind occupied. He heard that the Herald was set to leave again tomorrow morning; he imagined Evelyn was not part of that agreement.

As it got closer to 8, Ronan began to make his way towards her cabin. He went around back this time. Sure enough her window was left open. Both agreed it would be less conspicuous than the front door. He tapped quietly before crawling in. Once inside he saw Evelyn approach him, as beautiful as ever, a smile bloomed on her face.

Any resistance he had crumbled and he rushed towards her, his lips crashing onto hers. Any surprise she felt by his intensity melted away and she pressed herself against him urging him. She moved back pulling him with her until she was backed against the table. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she ran her hands through his hair.

His hands slowly descended down her back pressing himself further against her. Any space between them was too much.

She opened her hips and he cupped his hands around her ass and lifted her onto the table. She wrapped her legs around his waist. A soft moan escaped her lips as he began to trace his lips down her neck. He felt her buck against him. She must have felt his cock harden against his clothes. He wanted her desperately.

But he stopped. “Wait wait wait.” He pulled back breathless. He wanted this, but this isn’t why he was here.

He heard her chuckle, and he looked up to see her grinning.

“You’re right. Though that was…” She sighed and bit her lip.

He pressed his head into her neck and sighed deeply. “Yeah.” Against all his urging, he pulled away from her so she could get down from the table. She smoothed her hair and moved to the other side giving themselves some distance.

She sobered immediately. “I am going to the Hinterlands tomorrow.”

“Why?” He asked truly curious. “I thought you were to stay here for a few weeks.”

Frustration was etched all over her face. “I thought so too! But this morning _Lelianna”…_ the name spoken with venom…“tasked me with going to inspect the watchtowers. They are sending the commander along to babysit me.”

Ronan’s ears perked up at the mention of the commander. “Wait, he is coming with you? Why?”

Evelyn tossed her hands up in the air.  “Probably to keep tabs on me for Lelianna. She knows he likes me so she is using him to get to me.”

She looked at him and saw hurt in his eyes. She should be more delicate about mentioning Cullen to him. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t easy for you.” She rounded the table to stand in front of him. She reached up to cup his face. “This plan will work. If they think me smitten with him, then their guard will go down. We can fade into the night once this whole thing is done. About earlier, I was trying to protect us, I’m sorry that I hurt you.”

His face softened and sighed. “I know. I know. I just hate seeing you have to go through this.” He gave her a hopeful smile but he knew it came off weak. “Whatever it is, I can deal with it.”

She smiled up at him. “Thank you. It makes things easier for me knowing that you trust me.”

“I do.” And he did.


	14. Missing the mark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn and Cullen ride out to the Hinterlands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am excited to get the main story going soon. A lot of time has been spent on the relationships, so the story can now take more centre stage.   
> Just a note, I really struggled with Cullen in this chapter. I was always a little annoyed at this character in the game. I feel like the character would still be struggling with trust. But I didn't want him to come off like a gaslighting creep.   
> Anyways, let me know what you think of him.

The ride down to the Hinterlands was excruciatingly slow. Bringing the foot soldiers slowed the march down to a crawl. Evelyn could have been there and back by now. Luckily she managed to wrangle Solas and Varric to come along. They had enough stories to last the journey.

Predictably, Cullen rode in front with her. He was the commander after all. But she couldn’t break the feeling that he was watching her. The conversation with Lelianna before the meeting was not a coincidence. He was sent along to spy on her. She probably should have taken Cassandra on some of her travels. She was much easier to read than Cullen. Lelianna patience must have run out to send Cullen along.

They chatted amicably. It was mostly through his efforts though. She wasn’t being unfriendly but she wasn’t in the mood to help Lelianna out. He seemed to give up after a while and let her be.

After a day and a half they reached the watchtowers. She let Cullen and his men work while she left with Solas to find an elven orb, part of the bargaining for his presence here. All in all it was turning out to be a boring trip.

Cullen was content to give her space and spent most of his breaks with his soldiers. She was pleased to see that he took the time to talk to them and get to know them. True loyalty is fostered through respect.

At night everyone sat around the fire, eating, drinking, and chatting. She was having a great time talking to one soldier, Mila, who came from a farm not too far away from here. She was telling her all about pig wrestling.

“Wait, so how often did you do this?”

Mila laughed, it had an infectious ring to it. “Oh pretty much every other day!” Evelyn laughed. “We’d sometimes use it to sort out chores. To decide who’d go empty the pigpen then we each hav’d to wrestle with a pig.” Evelyn clapped her hands in delight. “One time, Nico, my oldest brother, he didn’t want clean out the attic so he set the bet at wrestling the largest pig we had, Daisy, for ten seconds. Well, he strips down to his breeches and creeps towards Daisy. Daisy sitting there eating some mud, not minding Nico one bit. Nico creeps behind her and jumps on her back. Daisy squealed like nothing you’ve ever heard. She goes bounding around the stall Nico bouncing on top of her. She flings him off; him sailing into the air. He lands in front of the barn, just covered in mud! Daisy is right mad. She stomps her feet and charges at Nico. He rolls out of the way causing Daisy to crash into the barn door. All the chickens we had come running out. Our Pa comes running and sees Nico covered in mud running like an idiot after Daisy and the chickens. He had to do all our chores for a month after that.”

The two of them exploded into laughter. Finally getting control of themselves, she looked over to see Cullen grinning at her. Instead of feeling embarrassing, she held her chin up and smiled back at him. He smirked and held eye contact with her. The glow of the fire casted half his face in shadow. The smirk left his face, replaced by something Evelyn couldn’t decipher. The feeling of gaiety faded but the afterglow left her feeling slightly lightheaded.

“He really is handsome isn’t he?” Mila’s question broke whatever spell fell over Evelyn.

She turned towards Mila. “What do you mean?” She knew but needed to deflect.

“Well I shouldn’t be saying it since he’s my commander, but you though, you two are on even footing. Well actually, you’re the Herald, you command him. You can command him to give you a good rutting.” Evelyn’s eyes widened so much she thought they would burst. Mila laughed at her reaction.

“Oh come on, we’ve all thought it.” Mila nudged her slyly. Hopefully the fire wasn’t bright enough to reveal her blush.

“Well I haven’t.” She said in her haughtiest voice.

All she got in reply was “Psssssh!”

Evelyn rolled her eyes.

Mila got up from her seat and saluted her. Mila had enough sense to let it go but not before one last jab. She leaned down and whispered. “You can take him in your tent, no one would mind. We’re all rooting for you herald.” She winked and finally left Evelyn in peace. _So everyone knows then? That’s good right? This is going as planned?_ She felt very out of control at the moment. She looked in the commander’s direction and noticed he was still staring at her over the fire.

She pointedly looked away. She left the campfire to retire for the night, leaving all thoughts of the commander and _rutting_ behind.

*****

They finished their inspections the following day and began to make their way back to Haven. Evelyn was anxious to get back and see Ronan. She had to consciously keep from riding ahead.

Evelyn felt the telltale tug on her hand indicating a rift nearby. It wasn’t a big one, a sliver instead of a gap in the fade. She raised her hand displaying the pulsing glow to her companions. She pointed in the direction of the rift. It was small but close. Her companions nodded and dismounted to begin their attack.

Cullen had never fought with Evelyn before. He trained with her, evasion techniques mostly, but never an actual fight. He rationally relinquished control of the battle to the others who had, followed their lead. They knew where to give her space. It would be up to him and the soldiers to get into the thick of it though. He would have to trust that her aim was what she said it was.

They crept towards the ravine where the rift had opened. The ridge allowed them cover to scope out the battlefield. They were close enough they could hear the hiss of the rift. Cullen’s hair stood on end. He missed this feeling.

The others were watching Evelyn, waiting for her signal. He thought that one of the others would have taken command. But no one seemed to mind her taking the lead. She whispered commands to each member stopping at Cullen last.

“Solas will provide cover for you and the soldiers to get to the ground. Varric and I will cover you from each side of the ridge. I will need to be close to close the rift. Stay out of the line-of-sight from up there.” She pointed to the other side of the ravine. It was the perfect spot to rain death down below.

Everyone got into their position. Evelyn crept around to the other side; she would be alone over there. Solas waited until he knew she was in position before casting Immolate at the demons surrounding the rift. Immediately he heard a loud boom coming from the other ridge. He saw one demon shatter from the explosion. That must have been from Evelyn, what else could have done that. Starting the charge, he ran down the hill towards the demons, which were quickly dispersed in the ensuring chaos. He was one of the first into the fray. He bashed a demon with his shield before cleaving it with his sword. With a disgusting wail, the demon fell.

Another loud crack was heard again, and he glanced around to see a demon, who had been standing over a prone soldier, go down. He looked at Evelyn who was already loading another shot; she must have practised for weeks to become that quick. A demon rushed towards him, bringing his attention back to the battle. He blocked the swipe from the demon before thrusting his sword into the neck of the demon. It screamed but didn’t go down. He pulled his sword from its neck but had to parry another swipe from the demon’s claws.

With his sword finally free he made to swing at the demon again but another boom was heard and the demon crumbled before him. He looked up to the ridge to see Evelyn grinning down at him. That was the last demon. Evelyn slid down the hill and ran towards the rift. He felt the world pull as she lifted her had to close the rift. No sooner did he feel it that the pulling stopped. The rift was closed.

A cheer went up from the soldiers, chanting ‘Herald’ over and over again.

Embarrassment bloomed on her face and she raised her marked hand in the air. The cheer became deafening. Lelianna was right; the Inquisition was theirs no more.

*****

One more night, one more night before she was back. Despite her protests they couldn’t take the mountain path at night, it was much too dangerous. Not caring if she looked childish, Evelyn pouted to show her disapproval.

Wanting a break from the group, she took herself to a corner to take apart her weapon for a thorough cleaning. It was a meditative action, causing her mind to calm and her heart to steady. She laid out her cloth to keep from losing her pieces. She took this time to think about how to improve it. She didn’t like the time it wasted loading the pellets manually. _Maybe if I could develop a lever to slide each into place…_

“Herald?”

She looked up to see Cullen standing nearby. She instinctively covered the parts even though he was too far away to see it in the dark.

“I know you want some time alone but I need to speak with you.”

Annoyed by the disturbance she thought about refusing. But she was curious about his reason. With his back to the fire, she couldn’t see his face, but his voice was earnest. “Okay give me a moment.” She quickly reassembled her weapon and put it away. Once finished, she beckoned him to sit down beside her.

He sat next to her but didn’t say anything. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

“Right…” He looked at her. “You fight well.” He coughed, “I mean you have improved a lot since I last saw you fight.” He rubbed his neck again

“Wow I must have been _really_ terrible before.” She said sardonically.

“No I didn’t it mean like that!” He protested.

She placed a hand on his arm. “Cullen it’s alright. It was a joke.” She pressed her lips together and spoke as if addressing a child. “You know…a joke?” Her lips curved upwards.

He managed a self-deprecated laugh. “Right.”

“Are you alright?” She was beginning to worry about him. His hands were shaking like they were at the lake. But it was a warm night. Maybe he is getting sick.

“Yeah…”

She didn’t believe him. He attempted a smile, but it came off as a grimace. “Yeah you’re not. Tell me.”

He stared into the distance. “I saw you today and….” He trailed off.

“What?” She whispered.

He shook his head, “nothing nevermind,” he said roughly and moved to get up.

She grabbed his arms and dragged him back down. “Cullen.” It was no louder than a whisper but it worked to keep him seated.

His gaze pierced hers, his honey-coloured eyes danced. Her heart began to beat faster.

Concerned filled her eyes, she bit her lip. “What is it?”

His eyes dropped to her lips.

“Are you happy here?” He whispered.

The question appeared to catch her off guard. He saw her brows furrow in confusion. He didn’t give her a chance to counter. “I know that you were wary of the Inquisition when you first arrived. We didn’t treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserved.” He was rewarded with a grim expression. “But I want that to change.” He pitched his voice lower. “I have been trying to show you how we… _I_ care about you.” He made a point to look deeply into her eyes and hold her gaze. Her dark eyes shone in the moonlight.

She broke their gaze and looked away and gave a strangled laugh. “I think you’re the only one in the Inquisition that seems to give a shit about me.” _Yes!_ He reached for her face to bring it back to him. She was still tense and reluctant. He needed to push it further.

His voice dripped with concern. “Evelyn.” He whispered, bringing his face closer to hers. “I care about you. More so than I would have thought possible in my lifetime.” Their faces were barely inches apart. Her eyes were fixated on him now, he had a hold over her, now to drive it home. He tilted his head and brought his head down. His lips brushed hers before coming down completely. Her lips were soft and warm as he imagined they would be. He tried to deepen the kiss but she pulled back. His eyes shooting open.

“Cullen…I can’t do this, not like this.”

He leaned back and sighed, waving his hand dismissively. “It’s alright. I didn’t mean to push you.”

She smiled at him. “It’s okay.” _Why did she look so sad though?_ And awkward pause filled the air before she continued. “It…I… look…you’re handsome, and smart, and brave, _and handsome_.”

He snorted. He looked back at her and her smile was more genuine this time. Soon enough, her smile faded replaced with frown, her eyes filled with sorrow and _was that guilt?_ She stood up then, preventing Cullen from seeking any more truths from her eyes.

“Good night Cullen.” She turned without waiting for a reply and disappeared into her tent.

Twice now she had run away from him. She was like a cornered rabbit, each time he thought he had her she somehow was able to slip out of his grasp.

He was going about this all wrong. She wasn’t going to be swayed by deep declarations like most girls he’s been with. By now she should have been swooning and eager to please him. _What does she like?_ He has spent countless hours in her company but he admitted didn’t really know her. But he was determined to figure her out. _Evelyn Trevelyan will bend to my will, I will see to it._

 

*****

Cullen met with Lelianna immediately upon his return to Haven. He wasn’t too proud to ask for his help with Evelyn. She was more than please to help. ‘Some things need a woman’s touch’ she told him, smugly. She promised to investigate her companions, find out any secrets they were hiding. Stories from them would certainly give Cullen a window to see into her life.

He left her to go to his tent to find his foreseen stack of papers. His lieutenants did a good job keeping it under control but some things could only be done with his authorization. He only had a few hours till the meeting in the war room. Surprisingly he did not have a headache despite the circumstances. He sat down and set to work hoping that this feeling would last.

 

*****  

Cullen pinched his nose, exacerbated at having to explain his reasons for the hundredth time to them. In times like this he felt that maybe he was hallucinating again, that this was another trick of the demon to keep him in some kind of hell. To explain the same thing over and over only to get the same response. If Josephine brings up the mages one more time…

His voice dripped with irritation, “The Templars are the best choice to close the breach. The order was founded to fight magic…”

“I agree.” Evelyn’s raised voice cut him off. Everyone turned to stare at her. Her chin was raised high, challengingly.

Shocked, he could only manage to choke out “you do?”

She looked at him. “You sound surprised.”

He couldn’t keep the resentment out of his voice. “I thought myself alone on the matter.”

She gave him an impish grin. “This isn’t a discussion about how much hair product you should use.”

The rest of the group laughed at the remark. Even Lelianna chuckled behind her gloved hand. He reflexively moved to touch his hair but stopped. He scowled further.

She smiled sympathetically to calm him down. “But I think the Templars are the right choice.” She turned her attention to Josephine. “Do we have enough support to approach the Templars?”

Josephine looked at her clipboard, but Evelyn knew she had the list memorized. “Yes Herald. We do. We would need to give them time to mobilize. But enough have pledged support to our cause.”

Evelyn could feel relief flood her body. _This would be over soon._

“Good, keep me posted so we can leave as soon as they are ready.” She paused to look at the group, pausing on Lelianna. “If there is no other business to attend to I would like to take a little vacation from traveling.” Lelianna met her gaze with an infuriatingly serene expression. _Oh you know exactly what I’m talking about._ But she said nothing.

With business concluded she left the war room to go find Ronan. She didn’t know how much time they had to plan so they would have to start immediately. She took a deep breath, but her heart wouldn’t stop racing. They had to let her go after this. They had to. Once she was separated from the Inquisition she could work on getting back into Starkhaven. Vael was a reasonable man and she could also ask Connal for help if need be. She still had friends there.

Her pulse finally slowed. She walked down to the training yards, Iron Bull and Sera were there so she used that as an excuse to stay and watch the soldiers train. Ronan was by the fence in front of a group of soldiers. He was demonstrating a wide-sweeping parrying technique with one of his soldiers Flynn. He was too engrossed in his teachings to notice her arrival until the soldiers stopped to salute her. He turned to see who stole their attention and smiled at her.

She smiled back and raised her hands. “Oh please don’t let me stop you.”

Still grinning, “I believe you already have Herald.” He turned back to his soldiers and clapped his hands loudly. “Come on! If you stopped every time a beautiful woman walked by you would be dead ten times over! Now pair up and Flynn here will hit you with a pointy stick every time you mess up!” Flynn was a serious man, not even a hint of a smile as he marched away.

Evelyn had no reservations and laughed loudly. She approached the fence as Ronan retreated from the soldiers.

He saluted, “Good afternoon Herald, this is a pleasant surprise.” he finished with a wink. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She casually looked around. People paid her some attention but nothing suspicious. She was merely speaking with a sergeant of her soldiers after all. She kept her voice low regardless.

“I have some news. We are leaving for Therinfal Redoubt soon, I hope your men will be ready.” She tried to keep her face neutral, but he was making it very hard.

A smirk tugged on his lips, “I will personally see to it that we are prepared. Do we have an exact date?”

She shook her head; she couldn’t keep the worry from her face. “Not yet.”

He moved his hand over his mouth, contemplating. He pitched his voice low. “Can I see you tonight?” His steel blue eyes caused heat to rush through her body.

She looked down to hide her face. “I would hope so.”

He tried to hide his grin. “Good cause I haven’t stopped thinking about you.”

She struggled to hide her blush. She cleared her throat and raised her head and her voice. “Good, keep me informed Sergeant, I look forward to a thorough report on their progress. Don’t keep me waiting.” She didn’t know why she added the last bit.

He saluted her once more. “I wouldn’t dream of it Herald.” No wink this time which was somehow worse. He returned to his soldiers barking orders at them once more. She sighed quietly to herself and went to join Iron Bull and Sera on the sidelines. She just barely hid the skip in her step.


	15. Envy slays itself by its own arrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the Champions of the Just campaign. I did this when I did my playthrough of the game and I really liked it. I don't know why this one doesn't get much attention it's a pretty neat story. Less Dorian in it so I think that's why ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is an anonymous quote.   
> Dialogue is taken from the game.

“At last…”

A blinding light assaulted Evelyn as she fell being dragged down but an unknown force. Down and down she fell and then…nothing.

She felt cold wet stone against her face before anything else. She opened her eyes and could see little beyond the fog in front of her. She rose to her feet, surprised that she was not injured.

The last thing she remembered was being grabbed by the Lord Seeker and pulled towards him. Was she in another part of the castle? The air felt different, and her body felt…ethereal? No, but this wasn’t natural.

She surveyed the large room in front of her. All she could make out at the moment were some large pillars in the middle of the long hallway and rows of fire ahead. Behind her lay gigantic veins of red lyrium. Their sang inviting her to come closer. She didn’t dare go near them.

With a steadying breath she began to walk towards the mounds of fires ahead of her. The fog made it difficult to see more than a few metres. As she approached she realized that the fires were made of corpses. Flesh burned almost entirely away. Each figure poised in agony.

Evelyn looked away but corpses lay in every direction. She was forced to walk through them or else stay there forever. Staring straight ahead she crept through the hallway.

In the distance she could make out two figures shrouded in fog. They stood upright, unmoving. Desperate to get away from the corpses she ran towards the figures.

She skidded to a stop to see Ronan and Cullen standing in front of her. They didn’t move or speaker; only stared at her.

She heard movement from her left and saw a grove that wasn’t there before. She drew her weapon and aimed at the grove. Around the corner Lelianna swept into view. Her face was normal except her expression was unnatural. Evelyn froze but kept her aim on her. _I cannot kill her._

Lelianna stopped in front of her and spoke with a voice like her own butdeep and raspy. “Will you let me in?”

“What do you want?” Evelyn managed to choke out. Her heart raced. Something was wrong but she didn’t know what to do.

“I want to know you.” Lelianna walked around Cullen to Ronan and wrapped one hand around his neck. “Tell me what would this do?” She drew her knife and held it to his throat. Ronan remained placid and unmoved. The only movement was his eyes, following her.

It finally clicked. This was a demon, which meant she was in the fade. Evelyn strangled a cry. This is not real. But she was so afraid. Ronan didn’t try to get out of her grasp, didn’t speak to her, only waited.

“Don’t.” Was all that she could say.

The demon didn’t respond and silently slit his throat. The only sound was the sickening slice and the thud of him falling to the floor.

She clenched her fists. His corpse awoke something feral inside of her. She screamed a wild guttural scream. _The demon would pay for this, real or not!_

The demon that was Lelianna faded into the darkness laughing, mocking her. The figure embodying Cullen stirred. Flashing a wicked smile, he stalked towards her.

“Being you will so much more interesting than being the Lord Seeker. Do know what I could do with the Inquisition?” His voice scraped against her skull. Faster than she could follow, he leapt around her. She spun around but he vanished.

_This is not real. You will wake up._

An unseen voice said. “The Elder one is coming; glory is coming. He let me have you.”

She was tired of this mind game. She needed to draw it out. She made her voice bored. “Yes yes you will be me and I will be dead and the Elder one will rule the world.”  

The demon did not bite only continued its sermon. “The Elder one only wants you to die. Let me in and I could be what you should have been.”

From behind her she heard Ronan’s voice.

“I am not your toy! I am not yours to play with and then discard when someone else comes along!” His voice was wrong, but his words stung her. She took a step back.

She tried to stand her ground but her voice was weak. “This isn’t real, you have nothing to hold over me.”

Ronan smiled. “Ah! _This_ is you.” He drew a knife and retreated into the fog.

The demon’s voice howled. “Tell me what you feel!” And a figure appeared in front of her. It morphed into Fionntan and he cried out in pain. Blood poured out of his chest and mouth and collapsed to the ground. Evelyn felt the warmth of blood on her hands. She looked down and blood dripped from her blade. She dropped it in disbelief.

She dropped to the ground in front of him and tried to hold him; his blood smearing her clothes. Tears fell from her eyes as she watched his body writhe in agony and then stop. The apparition faded into nothingness and the demon’s cackle echoed in the hallway.

She wiped her eyes; the blood remained even after Fionntan’s body disappeared. She stood and advanced down the hallway.

The hallway was silent except for undecipherable wails heard off in the distance. A door to her right opened silently. She felt her feet move in its direction. Passing the threshold she hear a voice whisper.

“Wait.”

She spun around looking for the source but finding no one. This voice was different than the demon’s or maybe it was getting smarter.

“Envy is hurting you.” A young man appeared into view. She couldn’t see where he had come from.

“Mirrors on mirrors on memories. A face it can feel but not fake. I want to help. You not Envy.” His voice was earnest, contained nothing of the venom of the Envy demon. Someone he managed to disappear again. He looked familiar but she couldn’t place him.

“Have I seen you before?”

His voice sounded close but he was nowhere near. “I’ve been watching. I’m Cole. We’re inside you. Or I am. You’re always inside you. But I’m here, helping.” She felt calmer by his voice. “Envy hurt you, is hurting you. I tried to help those who hurt. So I am here, in the hearing, it’s…it’s not usually like this.”

Evelyn tried to follow the young man’s ramblings but it proved too much. He somehow sense it and appeared into view.

He was a thin boy…no not quite a boy, but a young man. He could not be more than 20 if she was generous. His clothes seemed to be stitched together using different fabrics each time. His floppy hat practically covered his gaunt pale face. His blonde hair was stringy and was swept over his face. He looked like a prisoner one day away from death.      

He continued his ethereal monologue. “I was watching. I watch. Every templar knew when you arrived. They were impressed, but not like the Lord Seeker.”

Evelyn understood. “The Lord Seeker is the Envy demon, it wants to be me.” _How long had the demon gripped the Lord Seeker?_

“Yes, its vice twisted into the commander, forced the Templars to abandon their people, their fight. They’re red inside.” _Red?_

Evelyn blinked and the young boy called Cole sat on the table beside her. Despite his behaviour, she felt calmer than before.

“You’re frozen.” He continued. “Envy is trying to take your face. I heard it and reached out. And then in. And then I was here.”

“Are you a spirit?”

“Does that bother you?”

She felt like he knew the answer. “You can help me fight the demon?”

“Yes. But we must hurry. You’re in here. Thoughts are fast, faster than outside. Outside, a blade is falling.”

Panic began to swell inside her. “How do I get out?”

His voice shrugged. “It’s your head. I hoped you’d know how to stop it.”

“Well I don’t.” She did not bother to keep the anger out of her voice.

He shuddered at her anger. “All of this is Envy: People, places, power. If you keep going, Envy stretches. It takes strength to make more. Being one person is hard. Being many, too many, more and more, and Envy breaks down. You break out.”

Having said his homily, the young man walked back to the hallway where Evelyn followed. His presence meant some hope for her to escape…somehow.

The demonic voice greeted them from down the hallway. “This thing cannot help you! I _will_ see more!” Evelyn felt a calm wash over her. Cole was helping her.

She ran down the hallway and through the archway into a large room. If not for the walls she would have thought it was outside. Grass covered the floor and trees spread out around her. Then she looked up.

Corpses hanged from the ceiling too many to count. Bodies littered the ground near gaping holes that filled the room, dirt dispersed as if it exploded from the ground. Body parts were scattered across the room, but there was no evidence of what caused it, just the aftermath. Smoke filled her nostrils. A soldier got up and walked towards her. One arm had been torn off, it was held in his other hand. He looked up at her. Did she recognize him? Suddenly, the familiar sound of a gunshot raced past her ears. She watched him as a pellet shot through his throat. Blood poured out of him as he collapsed.

   She instinctively ducked but no other shot was fired. She walked over to the fallen soldier. Blood pooled around his body. The shot did not come from her. But she caused him to die.

“This is what you are.” The demon laughed manically.

She heard Cole’s voice from up ahead, his voice pleading. “Come.” Leaving the soldier behind, she ran toward the voice.

Ahead of her was a large red door, just like the one from before she entered this place. Neither the demon nor Cole seemed to be around.

She ran up the stairs towards the door when a body slammed against her back. She crashed against the steps and fumbled to turn around. Her own face, distorted in rage snarled at her.

“I will have you. That thing kept you whole but you will give me your shape!” The demon grabbed her throat and lifted her off the ground.

She glared into the glowing eyes of the demon. “You have no hold over.” She slammed her arms down, breaking its hold on her throat. She grabbed the demon and pulled it towards her. She jumped back towards the door, flinging it open and dragging the demon with her through the door into the light.

******

She fell back onto the steps. She was back in the real world. The demon dragged from the fade in front of her, its true form revealed. Around her soldiers and Templars stepped back from the demon. It rose, limbs unnaturally bent. It screeched and retreated into the castle.

The Templar Barris helped her to her feet. “What in the Maker was that? Where is the Lord Seeker?”

Her head ached and she blinked slowly as she adjusted to the real world again. “Gone, the demon possessed him, and tried to possess me.”

Barris took this news in stride, understanding the events now. “That monster had him in Val Royeaux.” It was not a question.

She looked around at her soldiers and the unaltered templars. _Would this be enough to take on those the demon has swayed?_ She supposed she would find out soon enough. They all looked at her to begin the command.

“This demon is Envy.” She called out to her followers. “It is a coward. It hides, but we will find it and we kill it.” A small cheer went up around her mostly from her soldiers. She looked at Barris whose face was grim. He was not looking forward to fighting his brethren. Corrupted or not. She tapped his arm, and turned to look at her. He gave her a determined nod.

“Let’s go break this beast.” She signalled the charge and ran into battle.  

 

*****

The march back to Haven was heavy despite the victory. The demon was dead but the cost was high. Many templars and soldiers lost their lives either to the corruption or the corrupted. Barris marched in back with his soldiers. While he showed no unkindness with Evelyn he did not welcome her decision of disbandment. Even though she did not regret her decision, she would not berate him for his feelings. She would have far disparaging words for herself if she were in his predicament. But that was what made her make her decision. She would not have made the choices that the templars did.    

Regardless, they were hers, or rather the Inquisition's. They certainly swore no oath to her. Not that it mattered. It would soon be over. And she would be far far away.


	16. A glamorous vision of war.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evelyn plans to escape with Ronan now that the Breach is closed. But a sudden attack on the camp throws everything in chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes form Virginia Postrel
> 
> European nations began World War I with a glamorous vision of war, only to be psychologically shattered by the realities of the trenches. The experience changed the way people referred to the glamour of battle; they treated it no longer as a positive quality but as a dangerous illusion.

Evelyn stood away from the dancing, the crowds, the singing. She was exhausted. She asked Ronan to give her space that night. To go enjoy one last night in Haven. They would be leaving in the morning. She was prepared and packed, with letters written explaining her actions. She even wrote one to Lelianna. She told them that her service was over, her duty fulfilled, and to remind them what the Inquisition could and should be. She would be going home.

She wandered the empty halls of the Chantry. Everyone was outside revelling in their victory leaving her alone. Maybe it was because she was leaving that she started to feel some nostalgia for the place. She would miss Josephine, and Sera, and Varric of course. She smiled softly. She had letters for them as well telling them to come to Starkhaven when they were done with the Inquisition.

She opened the large door to the war room. This would be the last time she was going to see this place and she was happy about that. She ran her finger on the map, tracing her finger from Haven to Starkhaven. A long journey. Maybe they would stop in Ostwick first, see her mother. It had been such a long time since she had seen her. She never even sent her a letter…

She heard the door open and she saw Cullen creep into the room and close the door. He seemed surprised to see her there.

She didn’t want to anyone, especially Cullen. She didn’t want to deal with whatever his perceptions of their relationship was. Her letter explained her feelings. He could wait a day.  

She rubbed her forehead. “Cullen, I’m sorry but I don’t want to see anyone right now. I want to be alone.”

He stood straighter and crossed his arms. His face was strained.

“I actually came here to be alone, I didn’t expect to find you here. I thought you would be out there celebrating.”

She looked at him. He seemed tired today. More so than usual, but then again it had been a tiring day.

“No, although I am happy that they have something to celebrate.” She couldn’t force any energy into her remarks. He didn’t appear to notice, though his eyes turned cold.

“They celebrate you.” _Not us._ Confusion painted her face. Not at his remarks but the tone in which he said it.

“Are you unhappy with me?” Anger seeped into her voice. “I did _not_ ask for this. Remember _you_ brought me here! Made me your Herald to parade in front of nobles.” She moved to stand in front him, his height doing nothing to intimidate her. “Whatever has happened is your fault not mine.”

Cullen edged closer to her. His amber eyes flashing in anger but he could not stare her down. “And the templars? What about them?” His voice rising. _Was she really so ignorant of her actions?_

“What about them?” Her voice rising to match his.

He yelled in her face “You disbanded the templars! History and order ruined for your _petty_ reasons.”

She seethed with anger. “They brought it on themselves! They let corruption seep into their order. The destruction they caused, the crimes they committed…”

He cut her off. “Were committed by their officers, yet you punish the soldiers.”

“I did what I thought was right.” She countered.

“And you were wrong! You don’t know the chaos you have caused with your recklessness.”

She threw her arms in the air. And turned her head away. “Well you don’t have to worry about me causing you trouble anymore then!” She didn’t mean to tell him but she had had enough. She didn’t give him time to respond, she moved towards the door.

He ran into front of her blocking her way. “What do you mean?”

She dodged around him and tried to open the door but he slammed it shut. He held his hand over the door.

“What do you mean?” He said deathly slow.

She looked up at him; anger and distrust stared back at her.

Any reply was cut off by war bells sounding from the camp. Cullen turned away from her and bolted from the room. She raced after him. She ran down the steps of the Chantry towards the gate. Shouts from the watchtower met her. “Forces approaching!” She saw Ronan run towards her. She grabbed his arms and pulled him with her. They followed Cullen down to the gate where Cassandra waited.

“It is an army coming from over the mountain.” She informed them, a slight hint of fear tinged her voice.  

“Where did they come from?” Evelyn asked.

“We don’t know.” She answered.

A bright light appeared on the other side of the gate, followed of an unnaturally loud pounding.

“If someone can open the door, it would be greatly appreciated.” An impatient voice yelled from the other side.

Evelyn jerked her head towards the guard. The gates opened and she ran out to see a mage lying on the ground surrounded by dead soldiers not theirs though.

He began to rise leaning heavily on his staff. She raced down to help him up. His garb was unusual for a mage. And very muscular, also unusual. His dark hair was matted with sweat but his moustache remained immaculate.

“My name is Dorian Pavus I came here to warn you. It seems I am fashionably late I’m afraid.” He swayed causing Cullen to grab him and hold him less he fall again.  

“I came to tell you what happened to the rebel mages at Redcliffe.” Evelyn exchanged looks with Cullen and Cassandra. _This cannot be good_.

The young man continued. “The mages have allied with the Venatori, they serve someone called the Elder one. This army is led by one of his.” He pointed to the ridge where the army was marching. “Maevaris Tilani leads the army, but the Elder one leads her.”

Evelyn gasped at the name. Ronan appeared beside her and gripped her arm. He knew the name as well. _How could she ally herself with this demon?_ She looked up at him but he had no answers for her.  

She looked around to her advisors. “We need a plan.”

Ronan instinctively took over. “We cannot defend against an army like this, not here. We need to hit them before they get to us. Aim the trebuchets at the hills to slow their attack. Get the villagers into the Chantry and archers on the walls. The soldiers will fortify against the ground forces.”

They all stared at Ronan then to Cullen. He regarded his sergeant for a moment before shouting to everyone “Well, you heard the man, move!” They all scattered, messengers relaying the orders, soldiers readying their position.

Evelyn made to run to the wall but Ronan grabbed her arm. “Evee, stay back. Please.”

She tried to fling her arm out of his grasp but he held firm. “Ronan, I need to be out there.”

“I need you here.” He tried to plead with her. All it would take is one arrow and she would vanish from his life.

“We’re better with me out there than here.” She managed to get out of his grasp and with a final look she ran towards the walls.

Ronan waited until she was gone from his view before he turned to his men. Sword drawn, “We stand with Haven.”

 

*****

Evelyn ducked behind the cover of the wall while she reloaded her gun. _Filia_. The name she bestowed on her invention. What would her father think of her at this moment? Fighting for her life against a force that she wasn’t sure she could beat. Her weapon reloaded, she peered over the top her eyes just over the edge. She should keep moving along the walls, it was dangerous to spend too much time in one place. Her eyes found a line of torches on the hill. Peering closer she could make out a row what looked like sticks bundled together. The bundles were pointed at the walls. She followed a torchbearer as they approached one bundle and placed the flame on a short rope extending from the bundle. The rope began to burn towards the bundle.

Realization dawned on her as she jumped from her perch. “Get away from the walls!” She shouted as a loud shriek burst from the hill towards them. A moment later the wall shattered from the explosion sending archers flying. She was hurled back by the force, gasping for air. She could not hear anything beyond a loud ringing. Disoriented she stumbled as she tried to stand. She looked at where the wall used to be to see enemy soldiers charging towards the gap.

She fired her gun at the first soldier through the gap and retreated back to safety to reload. She needed help but all she found were bodies.

She heard the shrieking sound again followed by another explosion further down the wall. More cries went out as the explosion destroyed their fortifications. _The trebuchets, why weren’t they firing?_ She ran towards the trebuchets, grabbing soldiers along the way, and found the soldiers there overrun.

Iron Bull and the chargers were fighting but they were outnumbered. She immediately started firing. He saw her and gave her a sly grin not breaking his stride. “Glad you could join us boss.” Despite their dire circumstances Evelyn smiled.

She danced away from her enemy while reloading. “You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

Iron Bull cleaved his axe into the skull of a corrupted mage. “I made sure to save you some.”

“What a gentleman.” She aimed at a charging soldier; red shards erupted from his skin, and fired, gouging a hole in his chest.

Iron Bull whistled. “Damn. Remind me not to piss you off.”   Her group managed to get control of the situation once more and the trebuchets were safe to launch. Without wasting another moment, the technicians fired the trebuchets. The sound was silent compared to the shrieking of the explosion from earlier but the destruction was just as brutal. Carefully aimed, the shots landed on the mountain above the army, causing an avalanche.

She watched dispassionately at the snow flooded the valley where the army marched. Some would survive but the majority would be lost. Cheers immediately erupted from all over the camp. There would be stragglers but they had won. She breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Iron Bull who gave her a grim smile. _It’s over._

Suddenly a horrible roar came from the mountains. She looked up to see a red dragon, unlike anything she had ever seen, fly overhead and launch itself at a group of soldiers. Its maw clamped over a soldier and carried him up into the air only to fling him back to the ground. The dragon came around for another pass shooting a flaming ball from its mouth towards a trebuchet. Arrows attacked the dragon but none penetrated its hide. The trebuchet shattered, sending millions of flaming pieces everywhere.

Recovering from the blast Evelyn yelled out to her command. “Get to the Chantry!”

People, propelled by her voice began running for the Chantry. The dragon continued sailing overhead wreaking havoc around them. Ahead of her, the dragon dove and snatched up more prey. A young woman who couldn’t dodge away in time. Her screams pierced Evelyn’s ears.

People ran in terror, easily scattered by the dragon’s attack. _It could easily pick us off._ “Keep running!” Was all she could say.

The Chantry finally came into view, luckily the doors were still open for them. She saw Cullen pulling people inside. She ran through the doors and looked behind her. She was one of the last. Everyone else were either dead or inside. Hastily Cullen shut the door.

She could hear the dragon incinerating the camp. Soon it would come for them in the Chantry. They wouldn’t be able to hold out for long.

Cullen must have been thinking the same thing as he approached her.

“Herald, we cannot beat this thing.”

She looked around. It was only the two of them. “Where are the others?” She asked desperately.    

“They are in the back, there are many wounded.”

She didn’t care of secrets anymore, she had to know. “And Ellis, where is he?”

He only gave the hint of a surprise, “He is safe, but with the other wounded.” She moved to go to him but Cullen grabbed her arm.

“We need you here.” The phrase was not lost on her, echoing Ronan’s words to her earlier. But Cullen was right. She was needed here.

“What do they want?”  Evelyn demanded.

Cullen ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, they have made no demands. The dragon is just releasing ruin with no goal other than to destroy us.”

The young mage Dorian stepped forward. He had finished tending to the gravely wounded Chancellor. More blood covered the Chancellor than Evelyn thought was possible. He would not survive his wounds.

“The Elder one did not negotiate with the rebel mages either. He is using the mages to get to the Herald. He only wants her.”

Evelyn felt cold, like she plunged into an icy lake. She shook her head. “What does it want with me?”

Dorian tilted his head. “Believe me I would have told you if I knew.”

It became hard to breath. _This cannot be happening!_ She looked at Cullen you looked as hopeless as she felt. “What can we do?”

His eyes were grave. “We don’t have a lot of options.” He clenched his fists and began to pace. The dragon continued its carnage above them. He stopped and looked at Evelyn. “Were there anymore trebuchets not destroyed?”

She nodded. “Yes, but we cannot aim it at the dragon and hope to hit it.”

“Not at the dragon, but at the mountains above us.”

She had to point out the obvious flaw in his plan. “That would bury us.”

He approached her slowly. “We cannot survive this, but we can choose how to end this.”

Dorian stroked his moustache. “It is such a pity, I was rather looking forward to surviving.” He said dryly.

Cullen did not take well to his humour in this. “If you have anything actually useful to say then by all means _I’m all ears._ ”

Behind them, Evelyn noticed the Chancellor stirring, trying to get up. She ran towards him and held him still. He heard him struggle to speak.

“There is a way...a path.”

Not understanding she could only listen.

“I took it once, a long time ago on a pilgrimage to the north. It will lead us to escape.”

 _Hope._ “Where is this path?”

His breath was haggard, he didn’t have much time left. “I can show you, not many people would know where it is, but I do.”

She nodded to him. “Lead them to safety.”

He raised his hand weakly. “I was wrong about you.” His voice barely above a whisper.

She nodded, tears began to fill her eyes.   _No you weren't._  But she wasn’t going to contradict him now, not so close to death. She motioned for Dorian to take him. She stood up and breathed deeply. Her body was cold but calm.

“This Elder one wants me and I will let him."  Cullen opened his mouth to speak but she carried on.  "I will draw the dragon away while you follow the Chancellor’s path. When you are safe, fire an arrow and I will know.”

Cullen shook his head but she continued. “There is no other way Cullen. The breach is closed.  Plus, I’m not your herald any longer so you can’t tell me what to do.” She somehow managed a smile.

He smiled and was no longer shaking his head, reason finally reaching through to him.

She wouldn’t have time to say goodbye to Ronan. It was probably better this way. If she saw him she wouldn’t be sure she could go through this. Hopefully he will understand and forgive her.

Cullen looked at her as she readied herself. He opened his mouth several times but closed it without saying anything. She touched his arm and nodded. There was nothing to say that could make her feel better about this.

Turning her back to the Chantry she opened the doors and ran to meet her death.

*****

 

She made it to the trebuchets. She just needed to hold her ground until the others were safe.   She kept her gaze towards the mountains. _Where are you?_ The now familiar roar of the dragon screamed at her. She looked up to see the dragon diving down towards her. It launched another fireball from its mouth. She managed to dive out of the way but the blast sent her flying. She landed heavily, her head hitting the ground hard. Flaming debris landed around her. She struggled to get up and only managed to get to her knees.

The demon calling itself the Elder one walked through the debris towards her. It stood well over ten feet tall. It looked more bone than flesh. Its hands were claws. Its face was a mosaic of scars and the skin stretched unnaturally over its skull. It was draped in an unusual dress, more ceremonial than anything else.

The dragon landed beside the demon. Its scales and flesh mirrored its master. It circled Evelyn but did not attack.

The Elder one spoke, its voice deep and unnerving. “Such an unremarkable creature you are. You do not know the power that you wield. You are unworthy of such a gift.”

Evelyn had no clue what it was saying, nor did she care. “Enough, tell me what you want.”

It gave her a sinister smile. “Such bravery, only uttered by the truly ignorant. You will know me and submit to my dominion.”

She had no words left, only a snarl escaped her lips.

“Your defiance matters not. I only want your anchor. You will give it to me.” He held up a black orb, which began to glow. It reached out with its other hand and her marked hand lit up.

“I do not know how you survived how you thwarted my ritual. But you will trouble me no further.” Her hand felt like it was being incinerated. He stalked towards her and lifted her easily off the ground.

“I once breached the fade in the name of another, to serve the old gods of the empire in person. I found only chaos and corruption. Dead whispers. For a thousands years I despaired. No more. I have gathered the will to return under no name but my own, to champion withered Tevinter and correct this blighted world. Beg that I succeed for I have seen the throne of the gods and it was empty!” He threw her in the air and she landed painfully against the base of the trebuchet.

“The anchor is permanent. You have spoiled it with your stumbling.”  

Evelyn made herself get up. She stood to face this creature.

“It matters not, I will find a way to break the veil. Give this world the god it deserves.”

To her right she saw a flaming arrow go off in the distance. _They made it_! But she would not. But she could take this thing out with her.

She looked at the handle next to her. She tried to think of something clever to say but nothing came to mind. She just smiled grimly at the creature and kicked the handle sending the trebuchet in motion.

It launched the missile into the air and crashed into the mountain causing the second avalanche. Without waiting Evelyn sprinted away. She heard the dragon screech and she expect a fireball to meet you back. But she kept running.  The rumbling of the avalanche came closer and she leapt waiting for the snow to overtake her. And then she knew only darkness.


	17. Fall down seven, get up eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken verbatim from a Japanese proverb  
> Fall down seven, get up eight.

Ronan helped the old woman through the passage. He was injured himself, but he was one of the luckier ones. Her and many others were barely able to walk but they had to move. The orders were shouted down the line reaching him in the infirmary. They were going to trigger another avalanche, one to bury Haven. But how, and who was the unlucky soul charged with that task? He didn’t consider Evelyn to volunteer for that position. Never in his lifetime would he have thought that. But he didn’t know the stakes; what the Elder one wanted.

So when he didn’t see Evelyn as they were marching out, he didn’t worry. Cullen had yet to arrive and maybe it would be the Tevinter mage who wanted the noble honour. He also didn’t worry when they escaped through the secret passage. It was only when they had made it to the mountains and he finally saw Cullen emerge to give the order to fire the flaming arrow that he began to worry. Evelyn wasn’t there.

It was too late to go back. All he could do is watch as the arrow flew into the night and moments later hear the avalanche bury Haven and bury Evelyn. They saw the dragon fly away, away from where they were. They were safe. Evelyn made them safe. The following silence was filled with sobs. They all knew the sacrifice that was made. He looked at Cullen then, who was watching him sorrowfully. He clenched his fists. _Was this his idea?_ The man couldn’t maintain eye contact with him. Cullen started to shout orders to continue moving.

Ronan quickly walked over to him and grabbed his arm. “We can’t leave yet. She is out there!” He didn’t care how he sounded. Cullen looked at him, his amber eyes filled with pain. _He has no right to feel this way!_

“It was her choice, the Elder one wanted her.” His voice cracked with sorrow.

Ronan wanted to shout at him; castigate him and the whole damn Inquisition for letting her do this. But all fight suddenly left him. She was gone. He cast his eyes down, unable to find the strength to lift his head. He felt Cullen’s hand on his shoulder then heard the crunch of boots walking away. The procession began to move again.

He looked at where Haven lay buried. Nothing moved. It would be dawn soon and the world would be entering a day without Evelyn Trevelyan. He was now a man without a country, a home, and a love.

 

*****

_Tap-tap-tap_

The rain began to fall around them but they didn’t bother to move. They had a little time before it became a downpour. The tree above them provided enough cover for now anyways.

She looked to her father sitting beside her wrapped up a large coat. He looked much healthier than the last time. He turned to her; a large smile covered his face.

“I see you came at last.” His voice was strong and deep. He held her hand in his. They were warm and solid, not frail and cold like last time.

“Am I dreaming?” She whispered.

He chuckled. He looked like he did ten years ago when he still had the future ahead of him.  

“That is one way of thinking of it.”

She considers his choice of words. “Am I dead?”

He shook his head. “No, not entirely.” He looked down at their hands and squeezed. “You’re in between our worlds. Right now it is only your will that keeps you from coming here fully.” She somehow survived Haven. She was alive, barely, somewhere out there.

She examined her father. He was exactly how she remembered him ten years ago. This was before the sickness took over, robbing her of him. Her heart swelled seeing him like this.

“I see you followed in my footsteps.” He continued. “Although I see you have achieved far more than I ever could. I knew you would be the more successful one.” His eyes glittered with pride. She could feel tears well up in her eyes. It wasn’t fair that he was taken from her.

He wiped away her tears, consoling her. “My darling Evelyn, I’m sorry I failed you.” Tears began to fall down his face. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there when you needed me.”

She managed to get a hold of her crying. “But you’re here now?” She knew the answer before he shook his head. “I could stay here then, with you?” She said hopefully. He looked at her, love and sadness painted on his face.

“I know you don’t truly want that.” She shook her head but it was true. She wasn’t ready.

“When do I have to go back?”

He smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “Let’s stay here for a little while longer.” He put his arm around her and she curled up inside his arms. She didn’t stop crying, her tears washed away in the rain.

 

*****

 

Evelyn opened her eyes. 

She was in a dark cave; the only light came from a tunnel to her left.  It could only be shortly after dawn. Without looking she knew her right arm was broken. She tried to sit up but pain shot through her leg. She cried out in pain and lay back down till the pain became a dull ache. She shifted her neck to try and see, all she could make out was the pool of blood around her thigh. She gingerly touched the area and felt the large gash. It had started to clot but she still lost a lot of blood.

 _What to do?_ She could try to mend her wounds before going to get help but she didn’t know a thing about resetting bones. If she tried to move she might reopen her wound. Well option one is out of the question so it was option two. But how to dress the wound? _I don’t know the first thing about healing._ She braced herself and sat up, biting down the pain.

Once sitting up she could actually examine her leg. It was in bad shape. The wound was deep and wide. And it was still bleeding; the perceived clotting wasn’t complete.

She looked around for any spare clothing and only found debris. Her own clothing was sparse. She did have a shirt and coat. She took off her jacket and shirt, shivering heavily, and quickly put her jacket back on. She didn’t bother putting her armour back on. Any extra weight had to be disposed of. She tied the shirt around her leg tying it tightly but not to cut off the circulation. The blood started to soak through the shirt but it would have to do. Using the fallen debris, she slowly tried to get up using her good arm.

Her left hand still sparked, the anchor apparently still there. _One thing at a time. Work on not dying first, then worry about an evil elder thing trying to destroy the world._

Her arm and leg protested but she was able to limp towards the mouth of the tunnel. She could feel the presence of demons before she could see them. Four of them waiting at the mouth of the cave. She felt the pull on her hand but there was no rift she could see. But the pulling didn’t stop so she held her hand up and made to close whatever rift was out there. The demons screamed and tried to fight against it but they were quickly torn apart. And then they were gone. And the pulling stopped. Whatever she did she hoped she could do that again.

She looked outside and the gusts of wind made her feel very exposed. _Would they go up or down?_ She couldn’t see any fires in either direction. It was a gamble either way. Then her nose picked up a brief scent of smoke. _It has to be them_!   It was still a gamble but she felt better about this now. She took a deep breath, _it’s going to be cold might as well get it over with_ , and began her trek north.

 

*****

Ronan shifted uncomfortably on the bench around the fire. The bandages around his torso were probably in need of a change. But he didn’t want to bother any of the healers or mages. They likely had worse patients to deal with.

They had set up camp for midday but this would be a short rest. His men kept silent company around him. But he knew what they were thinking. They wanted their next orders. They wanted to know when they were leaving. But they gave him his time to grieve.

He stared into the fire. In his hands was one of her cloths she used to tie her hair back. It carried her scent and was the only piece of Evelyn that escaped Haven. One of his soldiers approached him with a hot mug and offered it to him. Ronan shook his head and continued sending his thoughts to the fire. The soldier merely nodded and sat beside him in their silent vigil.

He was eternally grateful to them, he asked for so much and they never questioned him even when they should. _Like now_. Reaching a decision he stood up and left the warmth of the fire to find the leaders of the Inquisition.

They had separated themselves from the rest of the camp. For good reason too. They were currently shouting at each other. No need for the rest of the camp to see this spectacle.

He didn’t bother to wait them out and approached them confidently. Being a general for several years has that benefit. He didn’t bother saluting when he was within range, Cullen wasn’t his commander anymore. The yelling petered out as he approached and he pounced on their silence.

“I am leaving the Inquisition. And I am taking my unit with me if they so choose.” There was no question in his voice so he didn’t wait for an answer. He turned around and began to walk back to camp.

He heard Cullen shout, “Wait!”

Ronan stopped and Cullen ran in front of him. “Ellis I need you here, now more than ever.” He saw Cullen’s shoulders slump. The consequences of sending Evelyn to die seemed to have finally hit home for him. But Ronan felt no sympathy for the man.

“Moral is low, if people see you leave it will spark a revolt that we cannot stop. We are stronger together.” Cullen looked hopefully at Ronan. “Let us get these people to safety and I will grant your release no questions.” Desperation clung to him. “Please.”

He had already decided to return to Starkhaven. He would pardon his men, remove any responsibilities from them. He would openly declare that he had been ungoing a secret mission in the name of Vael. Perhaps the public would prevent Vael from executing him. Whatever the decision he would accept his fate. There was nothing left for him here.

But the man was right. If Ronan and his men left the camp, despair would break these people before the elements could. He could wait a little while longer.

 

*****

Evelyn tripped and fell in the snow. Her legs were numb. She tried to get up with only her left arm but she could only get to her knees. Her clothes were soaked and the wind relentless pushed her down.

The snow was almost up to her waist. She hoped she was still going in the right direction. She lost the trail a while ago but kept on hoping that they would stop for camp soon. She had been walking for hours and it was dark in the mountains. But it couldn’t be later than midday.

She chose to live but now she actually might die. Not in the cave but frozen in the mountains. That is if she stopped. Hopelessness clouded her heart and she couldn’t find the strength to lift her legs. Maybe she would see her father in the end. But she didn’t want to die not then, and not now. She remembered something he always told her whenever she wanted to give up. Just six simple words.

 _Fall down seven, get up eight_.

With all the energy she could muster she got to her feet and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. She made it up to the crest of a hill before she fell again.

 _Fall down seven, get up eight…get up!_ She pushed herself up with her good hand and brought her knees forward. She would crawl if she had to. And she did. Because wherever she stopped that is where she would die.

The wind howled around her. It screamed into her ears. It mimicked the sounds of people she knew. It mimicked Ronan. “That isn’t fair!” She yelled to the wind. It wasn’t fair to torment her with the voice of someone she may never see again. But the voices kept coming. Along with Ronan’s, Cullen’s voice could be heard.

She looked up and saw dark figures far away from her in the small valley below. She saw the figures get bigger as they came towards her. It wasn’t the last vestiges of her mind playing tricks on her. They had found her. As they came closer she let herself collapse in the snow.

“Evee! Evee!” She felt hands lift her up and she was wrapped in a large blanket. She was still cold but she felt safe again. She felt herself being lifted up and carried to their camp.

She felt herself fall away into unconsciousness but not before she heard Ronan whisper, “I got you, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

*****

 

_Skyhold._

 

The journey was hard. The healthy were slowed down by the injured who were slowed down further by the snow. But they made it.

She was forced to sit in the wagon with the other injured. Ronan was injured as well since he could walk he wasn’t allowed on the wagons. She was more embarrassed than anything, but she wasn’t too proud to admit that she needed help. And she would feel worse if she slowed down the procession because of her pride. So she sat in the wagon.

Everyone was in good spirits now that the Herald was back and they had a destination. Ronan didn’t leave her side unless she scolded him to get some rest. But she was grateful for his company. No one made any comments about his presence, which surprised her. He told her stories, and sometimes just him being there was a comfort. He never brought up what happened in Haven. But his face always clouded whenever anyone from the Inquisition came by to check on her. It wasn’t jealousy, but something she couldn't quite figure out. After they left he always seemed on the verge of asking her something but would always stop.

The day they arrived everyone was shocked by the size of the fortress. Josephine worked her magic to get everyone setup.  It only took days to clear out the main sections and have everything up and running.

Evelyn sat on a chair on the balcony overlooking the mountains. She dragged the warmest blanket she could find and bundled herself so tightly only her head poked out. Josephine designated one of the largest and grandiose rooms to her. Evelyn protested but Josephine said she would have a revolt on her hands if the Herald was given anything less after her sacrifice. It seemed that she didn’t have a choice in the matter.

She was almost better. The arm would take the longest to heal but a mage came in everyday and mended her arm, giving her more strength every day. Soon she would be back to normal.

Ronan stopped visiting her as soon as they arrived in Skyhold. She missed him, and she thought to send word to him when she heard the door open. She looked over hopefully only to see Lelianna walk up the stairs.

Evelyn immediately stiffened.  She casually walked up to her and sat at the opposite chair as if visiting an old friend.

Feeling childish, Evelyn wiggled out of her blanket and tried to gracefully put it aside.

Lelianna smiled, a small but gentle smile. “It seems I was wrong about you.” Evelyn continued to stare silently. “I thought you indifferent to our struggles. I thought you were our enemy.” She looked imploringly at Evelyn. “I wish to make amends.”

Evelyn opened her mouth to speak but she couldn’t think of the words. She was angry with Lelianna for treating her like a prisoner. She was angry at how she treated everyone around her, pawns in her own little game. _Was this another maneuverer is her game?_ Maybe. But Lelianna seemed earnest. She really did seem to want to atone for before.

It also raised the question of her future here in Skyhold. The attack on Haven threw her plan into chaos. Her and Ronan hadn’t discussed what to do now. Would she be safe leaving, would Corypheus hunt her down until she died? She didn’t think she was safe while he was out there in the world. He found her in Haven, he could find her wherever she went. It seemed that she had little choice but to remain. But she could do it on her own terms.

She looked at Lelianna and nodded. Tension left her body and there was relief in her eyes. “But, things cannot be as they were before.”

Lelianna’s face was serious. “Of course. What did you have in mind?”

“I want final decision on every important matter. I choose where I go and when. I don’t want scouts following me anymore. You say you want to trust me then trust me.”

Lelianna’s face was unreadable but she nodded. “Yes, of course.”

“Okay.” Evelyn was surprised by Lelianna’s readiness, she was used to fighting the rogue at every turn.

Lelianna turned away to stare out onto the mountainside.

“We want to make you Inquisitor Evelyn.” She turned only enough to look at Evelyn. That was possibly the first time Lelianna had used her actual name.

Evelyn kept her face neutral. “I will have to think about it.”

Lelianna’s lips tweaked into a smile as she bowed her head. “Of course Herald, I wouldn’t expect you accept to easily. Please let us know.” She rose from her seat and turned to leave but she stopped and asked over her shoulder. “Ellis?” Evelyn froze. “Who is he?”

Ronan didn’t tell them who he was when they thought she was dead. Was it worth it to keep it a secret? But then again it wasn’t hers to tell.

She shrugged and kept her voice even. “We met several times in Haven. He’s from Starkhaven, he reminds me of home.” Evelyn looked Lelianna in the eyes, keeping her face neutral.

“Did you know each other before?” She asked.

She shook her head. “No.”

Lelianna nodded slightly “He seems infatuated with you.”

Evelyn tried not to blush. “Oh?”

“Yes, but you are the Herald after all who saved us from a dragon. Wouldn’t surprise me if half the people here were in love with you.” She smiled and left the room.

Evelyn sank back into her chair. She needed to find Ronan. They needed to figure out what to do next. This was too much for her to handle alone. She could send for him but she needed to get out of her room anyways.

She struggled out of her robe and into a clean shirt and tunic. She gave herself a quick onceover before exiting her room.

She asked around for Brandon Ellis and was soon directed to the barracks. Further inquiry led her to a more private section. He had been given his own room apparently. _Odd for a sergeant, but I guess we have the space!_ She found him in his room writing a letter at his desk. It was a nice room, much larger than she expected. The door was open but she knocked before entering.

He looked behind him and smiled. He got up and quickly went to her. He looked outside the door but no one was around. He closed it and turned around smiling at her, eyebrows raised.

“Couldn’t wait to see me?”

She tilted her head. “Yes, but why is it that I am coming to see you and not the other way around?”

Any joviality left his face then. “Yes, I was planning on coming to see you, I really was.” He walked past her and began to pace the room. “But I wanted to give you space. I also needed time to think things over.”

Dread filled her gut. “What sort of things?”

He didn’t answer her. “How are feeling?”

Her brows furrowed suspiciously. “Fine.” She stepped in front of him. “What sort of things?” She asked slowly.

He took a deep breath. “Have they asked you to be Inquisitor yet?”

She slowly nodded. “Yes.” He exhaled dejectedly.

“Will you accept?”

He wanted to know if they were will leaving for Starkhaven. If they were still running away together. He thought that the plan hadn’t changed despite all that had happened. She nodded. His eyes held grief and fear.

“Why?” He asked softly.

“I need to be here.” His eyes flashed with anger.

“No you don’t…”

She yelled. _“_ Corypheus wants me dead!” She took a step back from him. “He has Maevaris _somehow_ on his side. Did you see how they took out the walls? She was behind that. He will hunt me down until he finds me.”

He took a step and grasped her uninjured arm. “But you are not safe here. He found you because you were with the Inquisition. We can get away from here and hide until he is defeated. You do not have to do this.”

“This is not just about him. This is so much bigger now.” She hadn’t told him about Corypheus’s plan to assassinate Empress Celene. She hadn’t told anyone, she wrote it in her letters that had been incinerated in the fires. He didn’t know any of that. “Corypheus will attack Orlais, the empress’s life is in danger. If she dies then…” She didn’t need to finish her thought, he was nodding. He took another breath.

“But I can’t shake this feeling that they are using you Evee. It has always been you that is put in danger. You’re the one that made the sacrifice while they stayed behind and argued amongst themselves.  They don't deserve you.”

She moved to stand in front of him. He looked wretched, his concern for who filled her heart. Careful of her arm, she pulled him into an embrace. She heard him sigh into her ear. It felt good to hold him again. She pulled back just enough to look at him.

“I know, and I am going to careful about who I trust. But believe me when I say that it will be safer here than out there.”

His eyes unfocused, in thought. She cupped his face in her palm. His focus returned to her. “I believe you.”

She smiled at him. She paused, her smile faded, doubt flooded her mind. “Ronan I can’t, in good conscious, ask you to stay…”

He smiled down at her. “The whole point was to bring you back home with me. There is no home without you.” His eyes fell to her lips. He hesitantly dipped his head, as if this was their first kiss, and brought his lips down to hers. It was a soft kiss. And he soon pulled back. He brushed some hair from her face and stroked it gently.

He still wasn’t entirely on board with her idea. She may have begun to trust them but he certainly hadn’t. He saw them at their worst and it was a disgrace. This Inquisition floundered, propelled by Evelyn’s work alone. She could get rid of the whole lot and they would be better off. Evelyn would be a far better leader than any of them.

“I do think you should be Inquisitor.”

She sputtered, clearly taken aback. “What? I thought you against the Inquisition?”

He shrugged as if it perfectly ordinary. “If we are going to do this, it should be right.”

She looked thoughtful. “I want you there, close to me.”

“I will. I will make it happen.”

She grinned at him. “Okay, we have a lot to talk about then.”

 

*****

The next few days were a blur. News spread like wildfire of her acceptance as Inquisitor. She told them what she knew of Corypheus’s plan for Orlais, and they started to get to work immediately. Lelianna kept her word and was open with her, as much as Evelyn expected her to be. She knew Lelianna wouldn’t give up all her secrets, but Evelyn did not see her as a threat anymore.

Josephine already started planning visits from nobles to Skyhold. Support came flooding in, along with requests to meet the new Inquisitor. Evelyn wasn’t surprised but she wasn’t thrilled. Some of the more charitable donations would require personal visits but most of them she could gather all at once, save her some efforts. Josephine balanced all of it with more grace than Evelyn could possible imagine. She was forever grateful to the ambassador.

Ronan relayed the news to his men and gave them a choice. He would do everything that he could to grant them a pardon so they could return to Starkhaven as free men. He wouldn’t hold anything against them for wanting to choose to return home. He couldn’t hold back his tears of gratitude when they all refused. _I don’t deserve these men_. He promised that the choice will always be there, but in the meantime he would keep them safe.

He didn’t want Evelyn to reveal his identity. It was much safer for him to be Brandon Ellis than Ronan Neval. Starkhaven would not react well to his presence within the Inquisition. He also suggested that they keep their relationship secret. Their relationship was just beginning. He was tired of the secrets but their relationship did not need the eyes of the whole Inquisition on them. He was fine with the role of ‘infatuated soldier’.  

Cullen remained distant from Evelyn throughout all of it. Publicly he was as enthusiastic as the next person, but when they gathered in the war room, he would only speak to her when directly questioned. As soon as they finished, he was the first to leave. Evelyn tried not to take his actions personally.    

Evelyn walked around the battlements. She managed to get some time away before the next meeting with yet another noble eager to meet the Inquisitor. This one was a big one, everyone needed to be present.  Someone she doubted Corypheus has the same problem.

She still didn’t know her way around. Each day, more and more rooms were being cleared out. She heard construction all around her. The roads had been cleared to allow traders to come to Skyhold. Flush with supplies, repairs could finally be underway.

She dodged out of the way as two construction workers carried a long heavy pillar through a door. She’d best find a place out of the way. She ducked into the next door and came face to face with a half-dressed commander. Face to chest actually.

She felt heat rise to her face as she covered hers hands over her eyes. “Oh I’m sorry! I didn’t know this was your room.” She turned around to run out of his room.

“Wait!” He called. She stopped but didn’t turn around. “Can you help me?” His voice was unusually sheepish.

She risked turning around. He was wearing only his pants, holding three shirts and two sashes in his hands. He looked utterly helplessness.

“What goes with that coat?"  He motioned to a coat hanging off a stand.  "I’m supposed to dress to meet the new guests and I’m afraid I am of no use in these matters.” He held up the clothes self-consciously.

She remained by the door and pointed to one of the shirts. “The blue one, with the grey sash.” He nodded; tension flowed out of his shoulders.

“Yes, thank you.” He shrugged on the shirt but struggled with the sash. She sighed and helped him maneuverer the cloth.

“Josephine usually decides this for me but she is much too busy at the moment.”

“So you asked another woman?” She asked eyebrows raised.

Some colour bloomed on his cheeks. “No, just someone whose opinion matters.”

“Do all my opinions matter? Or just the ones concerning clothes.” She finished tying the sash with more force than she intended. She didn’t move back, only stared defiantly at the commander.

They hadn’t spoken in private since Haven. She would catch him looking at her during their meetings. Through the corner of her eye he would watch her. Whenever she turned to him, he would look elsewhere. But he never asked her anything during the meetings. It was like pulling teeth. Every time she suggested something, the rest of her advisors would agree or help her figure out a better plan. But he never said a word.

Just like now when she dared him speak, he was silent. She gave him a disgusted look and turned to walk out of the room. She had her hand on the doorknob when he finally spoke.

“Every time I look at you I see what I could not do.”

She stopped with her hand hovering over the doorknob. She glanced at him over her shoulder.

He continued, “I can’t look at you without seeing my own sins and failures.”

She turned around then but remained by the door. She folded her hands in front of her. “Is this why you’ve been ignoring me?”

He sighed dejectedly. “I know it is unworthy of me to behave as I have. After what you have done…I hope that you will forgive me.”

She fidgeted with her fingernails; she looked away from him as if fascinated by the décor of his room. “Everyone has bent over backwards to thank me for what I did at Haven. But…” She paused to look at him only to divert her gaze again. “The truth is, I had no choice. If there had been another way…if Corypheus could have been stopped in any other way, I wouldn’t have done what I did…so this thanks, this praise, that I get…I don’t deserve it.” Her shoulders fell and she hugged herself.

He knew her shame; he had felt that shame for the last ten years of his life. But she didn’t deserve it.   He slowly walked towards her and brushed his hands over her arms. She didn’t look at him.

“Your actions were noble. It doesn’t matter what could have happened. And despite what you said that you ‘had no choice’. You did.” She raised her eyes to him. “You did have a choice, and you chose to face him.” She didn’t believe him but she no longer averted her gaze.

Neither spoke for a few moments.

She shifted and straightened causing him to release her arms. She turned to go but stopped, turning back to him. Her eyes full of concern.

“Whatever sins you have committed…I only see a honourable and brave man. The past is who you were…not what you have to be.”

Cullen swallowed the lump forming in his throat. _You don’t know how much of a coward I am._ “I have tried, but Haven proved that….”

She reached for his hand and squeezed it lightly. “…You can lead and people will follow.”

He felt warmth spread through him at her touch. Her concern and faith in him stripped away his defenses. He didn’t realize until now that his distrust for her was gone, had been gone for a while now. Replaced with something else, something he didn’t recognize. Suddenly uncomfortable by her touch, he cleared his throat and pulled away.

“I am sure they are waiting for us.” He whispered.


	18. The Secret in their Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of secrets going around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW generally throughout, it was pretty fun to write it. But I should read some more smut for later scenes. 
> 
> Title is from an Argentinean film, really good if you haven't checked it out.

 

Evelyn’s heart thundered in her chest as she ran along the battlements. Her legs burned and her chest heaved to try and take in more breath. She felt like her lungs were going to explode if she ran anymore. But she did, because she wasn’t going to get beaten by the commander. Cullen ran along side her, rather he was a few feet in front of her no matter how fast she ran. And he was barely sweating.

Following Haven she decided that she needed to be a better fighter. She wouldn’t always have the advantage of concealed vantage points where she could pick off her enemies. Each member of her team offered their services in one way or another. Cullen’s first suggestion was cardio endurance. And she hated him for it.

Every morning, he would pull her out of bed and they would run laps around the battlements. He never let her slow down and he never let her stop. He would shout what he thought was encouraging phrases but it only made her want to punch him in the face.

The cold didn’t stop her from sweating either. And today was no different. When they finally rounded the corner to the finish line she let her body slow down. As soon as she stopped her head began to swim and she felt herself sway. The commander was used to this and was at her side in a moment. She felt her stomach churn and she shook her head, pushing him away to run to the outside wall. There, she heaved whatever was in her stomach. Luckily it was just mountainside below. The commander dutifully looked away, he was used to this as well. Once finished, she pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her mouth.

Cullen looked at her reproachfully. “Are you going to do that every time?”

She looked at him. “Are you going to be a smug bastard every time?”

He let out a hearty laugh. “Only until you beat me.”

“I hate you.” She croaked, but heart wasn’t in it. She made to swipe at him but he easily stepped out of her reach. “Can you come closer so that I can hit you.” He chuckled and helped her stand straighter.

“I hope the others don’t get to see the Inquisitor like this.”

“Nope you’re the only one.”

“Lucky me.” He said dryly.

Around them, Skyhold began to wake up. He left her to lean against the wall as he walked over to a sack left in the corner. Opening it, he pulled out two flasks, tossing one to her before opening his own. Evelyn grabbed the flask with both hands. Opening the lid she tossed back the contents with a grimace. She hated the taste but Cullen insisted it would help her recover from their runs. It tasted both sweet and sour at the same time.

“Blech!” She made a face. “If you insist on this foul drink can you at least make it taste good?”

He joined her in front of the wall overlooking the courtyard. He gave her a serious look. “It is still better than your breath.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “I didn’t know you had such wit. Are you going to pull my hair next?”

Any reply was cut off from a call from below. They peered down and saw Dorian standing haughtily, staff extenuating his swagger. Despite his constant complaining of the cold he didn’t seem to bother covering up at all.

“My dear, I woke up early to help you train and here I see you dallying around with the commander!”

Evelyn laughed. “Would you rather you were up here _dallying_ with the commander?”

Dorian leaned on his staff. “Don’t tempt me.” He said suggestively.

Luckily she wasn’t looking at Cullen whose ears were turning bright red. She was grinning down at the mage; he would never have guessed she was sick over the wall just a little while ago.

She turned back to Cullen. “Well we shall have to end our dallying for now. I’ll see you later Cullen.”

He watched her walk down the stairs to the courtyard where the mage stood impatiently. He said something to her that made her laugh out loud, likely something at Cullen’s expense. She placed her arm through his and they walked away chatting ferociously. Dorian’s job was to teach Evelyn how to battle magic. Vivienne would have been the better choice, but Evelyn quickly became attached to the Tevinter mage.  

Cullen watched them until they were out of sight. He savoured this time alone on the battlements, but he couldn’t put his work off any longer. He returned promptly to his own quarters still thinking about Evelyn. She had really taken to her training. Corypheus would strike again, and she was determined to defeat him. No one wanted a repeat of Haven, her least of all. But what impressed him most was her dedication to the Inquisition. After the way they, him most of all, treated her, they did not deserve such devotion. But she didn’t know what they had done. What he had done to her.

His good mood was quickly clouded by his guilt. He could never tell her, she would leave them, and rightly so. But she deserved to know. He stopped and leaned his hands on his desk. His choices were between his duty to the Inquisition and his duty to her. He laughed to himself. She thought he was brave, but didn’t know how much of a coward he really was.

*****

Ronan found a message on his door written in Evelyn’s handwriting.

_Come to the war room at your earliest convenience. I have some news._

No signature, not that he would need one. He grabbed the note and immediately set foot to meet her. _Why the war room?_ They hadn’t really been alone since Haven, maybe she want a private place. It would be less conspicuous than her room.

At the thought, a small smile crept onto his face.

It was tough to keep a low profile on their relationship. Before Haven, he was able to sneak into her cabin every other night. There, he had to sneak out before dawn, but the place was secure. Here, the path to her rooms was too public. His was worst. Every soldier in the Inquisition would notice the Inquisitor coming to his room at night. Not that they had done anything too scandalous.

He thought it was much too soon. They had really just started their relationship. But there was that one time that things got out of hand. And then they cooled it. _But_ the truth was, he wanted it, wanted her. And if he was any judge, she thought the same. _Was it too soon?_ Maybe he should wait to bring it up. Or let her bring it up. Whenever they did decide to take the next step, they would have to be discreet. Maker knows how much everyone loves to gossip around here.

His musings ended with him in front of the door to the war room. He knocked and heard some shuffling from inside. He heard her beckon him to enter. Opening the doors he saw her dressed in a billowy blue tunic and dark pants with long boots. It was plain, but she looked beautiful in it. Her hair was tied back in the same cloth that he saved from Haven. It was her favourite she had said to him.

It took him a moment to notice that she was flanked by three others. Her advisors. He saluted smartly and stood at attention. She released him and motioned for him to come forward.

“Thank you for coming Sergeant Ellis.” She said formally. There was no hint of their romance in her features. She was getting better at schooling her face. He tried desperately to hide his own.

“What can I do for the Inquisitor?” He made his voice gruff. A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips before she turned to the commander. The commander stepped forward.

“Sergeant Ellis. Your commands during the attack on Haven were impeccable. You saved a lot of lives that night.” The commander was blunt, he liked that. He decided to return the gesture.

“I just did what I thought was right in the moment.” He tried to make his voice humble. But the commander was right. He saw the layout of the battlefield as soon as the army appeared from the mountain. He knew exactly what to do before Evelyn called for the plan. It was a risk to voice it at all but he was relieved when the commander seconded his orders. The commander was smart enough to see the right tactics and use them.

“Do you plan on staying with the Inquisition Sergeant?” He had forgotten about his conversation with the commander that morning after Haven.   He was ready to leave them lying in the snow. He was ashamed of abandoning his duty to those in need so hastily.

He turned to the commander. “No sir, not anymore.”

“And your men.”

“Same thing.”

The commander looked to the others who nodded. He turned back to Ronan.

“We would like to offer you the position of General of the Inquisition. You would be second in command to me. I feel that your expertise and battle instincts would be invaluable assets in our war against Corypheus.”

Ronan’s mind was racing. He looked at the rest of the group resting a breath longer on Evelyn. Her face was warm, she nodded slightly. This would give him much more freedom than his role as Sergeant. He would be privy to much more information too. He could control the army and make sure Evelyn was safe. As safe as she could be.

This would tie him to the Inquisition though. Make him that much more public. But Evelyn’s fate was woven into the Inquisition. And if he was being honest with himself he was looking forward to seeing what the Inquisition could do with the two of them at the helm.  

“I am honoured sir.”

“Is that a yes then?” Evelyn asked hopefully.

He looked at her and couldn’t help the smile. “Yes Inquisitor.”

Cullen clapped him on the back and shook his hand. “Good!” He shook hands with the rest of the group. He wanted to pull Evelyn into an embrace but managed to resist, settling on shaking her hand.

Josephine readied her clipboard. “Well then, you will have to move closer to the main area of Skyhold. We had anticipated your affirmation and I took the liberty of moving your belongings to your new room. I will show you after you are done here. You will also need to be fitted for an officer uniform for our formal occasions. Commander Cullen had assured us that you have shown enthusiasm for such affairs.” He looked at the commander who gave him an apologetic look. “I am sure that it isn’t so that he won’t have to attend these events himself.”

Cullen cleared his throat. “No, not at all,” keeping a straight face.

Josephine gave him a disbelieving look. “Regardless, your fitting will be this afternoon.”

Lelianna stepped forward, her hands clasped behind her back. “We are hoping to send you into the field with the Inquisitor and her companions. Mostly you will be in charge of the soldiers brought along for support. We will teach you the codes but the messengers will take care of your correspondence with us here.” She was watching him for his reactions. He didn’t flinch when she mentioned the Inquisitor. He didn’t shift his eyes in her direction. Years of training in the military prepared him to school his face under these types of circumstances.

He nodded and kept his face forward.

Evelyn tilted her head. “How does that sound General?” He hadn’t heard her call him that in what felt like forever. He liked how it sounded coming off of her tongue.

He looked at her, her eyes sparkled. “Sounds good serah.”

She grinned at him. “Good!” She regarded her advisors. “Let’s get to work. Lelianna, you were telling me news about Adamant…”

*****  

Evelyn insisted on walking Ronan to his new quarters. His was in the same building as hers but it still took a long way to get there. His was the only room down a long corridor. Along the way she kept the conversation normal. She told him she happy that he agreed to be part of the team. She talked about the construction of the new wing. All normal topics. Even when they walked down the corridor to his room she only uttered banal words to him. She didn’t falter when she took the key and put it into the lock. She walked in first and started to show him where his stuff was. He followed and roughly closed the door.

She stopped and turned around to face him, an unrestrained grin on her face. She didn’t say a word as she sauntered over to him, her hips swaying. She stopped within a foot of him and looked up.

“How do like your…” her words were cut off as he crashed his lips onto hers. She wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her. It had been so long since he touched her, since he had kissed her. His hunger was ravenous. He broke away to trail his lips down her neck. She let out a groan, which urged him on. He sucked and bit her neck. A hiss brought his face up to hers. She smiled and kissed him again.

“It was…really…hard…to watch…you…and not…touch you.” She said in between kisses. He smiled.

“Did you want me to take you right there? In front of everyone?” His voice was husky.

She ran her fingers through his hair. “Maybe.” Her breath was hot against his skin.

Desire ran through his body. His cock throbbed against his pants. “What about now?” He dared.

She pulled back from him. Her eyes were hooded with lust and want. Her breathing was ragged. Her smile was shy though. “Do you?”

He tried to calm his breathing. “I do, but not if you don’t want to.”

She bit her lip, the smile still there, she nodded. “I do.”

He smiled broadly. He dipped his head and kissed her slowly, sensually. He wanted to take his time and taste of moment of her. She opened her mouth, inviting him in. He ran his hands down her back, moving his hands under her tunic. She smiled against his lips when he discovered that she wasn’t wearing a breast band.

She shifted her hips giving him more access. His cock hard against her. She moaned, bring one of her legs up and around his waist. He moved one hand to help, running his hand along her thigh and around her ass. He brought both legs up and lifted her, prompting her to wrap her legs around him. She gave a surprised yelp but returned to his lips with fervour.

He broke away to find out where in blighted world was his bed. Finally locating it, he moved swiftly, gently laying her down. She tried to sit up, her eyes focused on the bulge in his pants. But he put a hand on her shoulder and gently urged her back onto the bed. He crawled on top of her, easing his way up her body. He stopped at her waist. He lifted up her top to run his hands over her skin. He gently kissed her naval.

She squirmed and softly bucked against him. He could hear her moaning softly. He loved the sounds that she made, and yearned to make her say more of them. He lifted her tunic higher, kissing her soft skin along the way. He reached where her breasts lay covered. He brought his mouth over her one of her breasts. He softly flicked the nipple with his tongue, bringing a gasp out of her. He smiled.

Suddenly they heard a pounding on the door. Evelyn immediately shot up. _Did they lock the door?_ He didn’t remember locking it, and she certainly didn’t. He got up off the bed allowing Evelyn to fling herself off. The pounding on the door came again.

“Ellis?” It was Cullen’s voice. Evelyn looked at him and frantically shook her head. He nodded; the commander could not see them like this. He looked around; there was nowhere to hide.

She pulled on his arm and gestured to the back room, where the bathing room was. It didn’t have a door but it was enough that she could hide until Ronan got rid of the commander. She ran into the other room and Ronan straightened out his clothes. He tried to conceal the hard on he still had so he grabbed his coat and placed it over his crotch. It would have to do.

The pounding came again as Ronan opened the door. The commander still had his fist over the door. He did not look pleased to be kept waiting like that.

“Commander.” He couldn’t salute, so he nodded his head, hoping that was enough. Cullen stood outside and peered in suspiciously. “Is everything alright general?”

Ronan blinked, trying to slow down his breathing. “Yes, I just woke up from a nap. I’m a heavy sleeper sir. I’ve been told that I almost slept through a battle, didn’t hear the morning bell.” He was rambling; he mentally scolded himself.    

Cullen continued to regard Ronan. “Have you seen the Inquisitor?”

Ronan shook his head. “No sir, she showed me to my room but then left. Haven’t seen her since.”

“Because you were taking a nap.” Cullen said evenly.

Ronan made his face innocent. “Yes sir.”

Cullen nodded, keeping his eyes on Ronan. “Come down to the training yard, after you have taken care of that.” His eyes didn’t leave Ronan’s, but there was no mistaking what he was referring to.

Ronan barked a laugh. “Will do sir.”

Cullen’s face remained neutral as he nodded, turned on his heel and walked back down the corridor. Ronan kept the door open until he heard the commander’s footsteps retreat down the hallway.

He closed the door and rested his forehead on the inside of the door. He heard footsteps behind him and he turned around. Evelyn had put herself back together, no evidence of their actions.

He snorted. “That was close.”

She laughed quietly. “Yeah, too close” A smirk grew on her face “…So Cullen thought you were…”

Ronan shook his head smiling. “Yeah, great.” He exhaled deeply. “I need to go down to the yard…”

She was already nodding. “Yeah, I should go. Next time, I think that we should plan this better.” Her eyes darkened and she smirked. “When we don’t have to worry about anyone disturbing us.”

He chuckled. “I can’t wait.”

*****

 

Evelyn setup her shop inside the undercroft alongside a new addition to the team. The Inquisition acquired a young dwarf named Dagna whose enthusiasm was…staggering to say the least. The Inquisition was lucky to have her. After getting settled in Skyhold, Evelyn worked on a new design to replace her gon she lost in Haven. Ideas flowed through her head, she had dozens of sketches strewn about on her workbench.

She showed Dagna her designs; for whatever reason she trusted the dwarf instantly. Perhaps it was her unabashed enthusiasm or just the pure joy at creation that made Evelyn trust her.

Dagna poured over the designs, almost vibrating with excitement. “This is beyond anything I have seen before. I like things I haven’t seen before.” Evelyn absorbed her excitement. She was still apprehensive about showing her work to others but Dagna was….different. This was academic appreciation. With Dagna’s help, they got to work on her new gon.

Maevaris Tilani dogged Evelyn’s steps since Haven. She had brought her up with Ronan who shared her concern. After Evelyn left, Maevaris was promoted. The promotion brought access to information and secret previously denied to her. Maevaris knew a lot of secrets at the tower in Starkhaven, secrets that she brought to Corypheus. And those weapons they had fired at the walls, what were they? They had to be an invention of Maevaris. Evelyn thought of how she had done it, to try and replicate the design. The Inquisition would not be as defenseless as they were in Skyhold.

Evelyn was currently lying down in the undercroft, staring at the ceiling. Dagna was fiddling around on her workbench, occasionally muttering under her breath. Evelyn was running through how Maevaris created such violent devices. The occasional clanking from Harritt punctuated her thoughts. Her vision was filled with rotating pieces and possibilities. Something was missing. Something on the edge of her vision. The clanking and the muttering continued.

_That’s it!_

Her eyes refocused and she shot up. She ran over to her workbench and quickly sifted through her papers. Finding what she was looking for she furiously crossed out several lines and drew a sketch. Once finished she ran over to Dagna and shoved the paper under her face. Dagna stopped her work and looked at what Evelyn was showing her. A large grin crossed her face.

She looked up at the Inquisitor. “Oh Inquisitor, this will be fun!”

 

*****

Cullen climbed the ladder to his room. The hole in his ceiling letting in the soft moonlight. Josephine tried to get him a different place saying that his choice was unbefitting a commander. But he staunchly refused. She tsked but let him be. He methodically took off his armour and placed it neatly on its stand. Peeling off his shirt he heard the soft click of one of his doors below. He tensed. He really should get into the habit of locking them at night.

The click was followed by near silent footsteps coming to the ladder. He watched as Lelianna poked her head out from the opening. She smiled and deftly hopped onto the landing. She wasn’t wearing her armour, in fact she was wearing tight grey pants and a low cut shirt that was quite revealing.

Cullen didn’t say anything as she stood up and looked around his sparse room. “Oh Cullen, you really should have let Josie have her way.” Her voice was amused. She loved to tease him.

   He snorted gruffly. He wasn’t in the mood to be teased at the moment. Her smile remained coy.

“I like it this way.” He replied sullenly. He wanted to be alone but he saw that familiar look in her eye.

She slowly walked over to him. Her hips swayed, he couldn’t help but feel drawn to them. He felt hypnotized. She approached him and she raised her hand to glide her fingers along his chest and around to his back as she circled around him.

Faithfully, he rotated his body along with her touch. She was facing him, her back to his writing desk. She lowered her hand and placed both hands on the desk, gripping the edges. This elevated her chest accentuating her breasts. His eyes betrayed him as they drifted down drinking in the sight. Her smirk was undeniable; she knew her effect on him.

“We need to talk about the Inquisitor.” She said in a sultry voice. He automatically stiffened at the mention of Evelyn.

He cleared his throat. “What about her?”

She lifted her hands and leaned forward slightly. Concentrating, she raised her hands to delicately graze them over his still bare chest. “She is much too independent for her own good. She needs to see how much she needs us. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea of her role here.” Her words sent a chill down his spine while her touch set his skin aflame. His arousal mixed in with his agitation. Despite his urgings he could feel himself growing hard.

“What do you have in mind?” His voice was low, unable to keep the want from his voice.

She looked up her face looked innocent but he knew otherwise. This ‘relationship’ started before Evelyn stepped out of the fade those months ago. It was a combination of late nights, alcohol, and just pure loneliness. And then it didn’t stop. It didn’t stop when she ordered him to pursue Evelyn. He felt wretched about the whole arrangement; more wretched because he didn’t think she was bothered by it at all.

   Like a good Spymaster, she knew what buttons to push to get him aroused. She knew her strengths, knew his weaknesses. She knew he didn’t value himself enough to put an end to it.

“She needs to be separated from the ones she trusts. She needs to need us.”

“She does need us.” He countered.

“Does she?” She asked slyly. That caused Cullen to pause. Maybe she was right. Evelyn…the Inquisitor had more allies around her than they did. The scales were unbalanced. Despite his intentions, he realized she was right.

Lelianna watched his face. She caressed his chest, bringing her hands lower. Still looking at his face, she brought her hand over his bulge.

Cullen closed his eyes and groaned. Her touch felt good. She slowly stroked his cock over his pants. With her other hand she unbuttoned his pants and slid her hand inside.

After a moment, she whispered, “Will you help me?”

He didn’t answer right away. He could only moan at her touch.

She asked again, “Will you help me?”

“Yes.” He breathed.

“Do you swear?” She stroked faster, pulling a moan from his lips.

“Yes.” He was panting now. He opened his eyes and reached for her waist and turned her around.

He furiously reached around and undid her buttons to pull down her pants just far enough to give him access. He bent down and kissed her neck roughly, biting down. With one hand he groped her breasts savagely while he reached down to slide his fingers into her cunt. His fingers pumped into her as he fondled her body.

Wanting more, he pulled his fingers out and slid his cock inside and thrust against her. She arched her back allowing him to drive his cock deeper. He growled against her neck, his pants growing haggard. He was close.

His thrusts elicited demure moans from Lelianna. She braced herself against the desk as his violent thrusts caused the desk to rattle against the wall. He felt himself rise and fall over the edge as he came. His thrusts staggered and stopped as he bent over her.

She slid him out of her and pulled her pants up, leaving him to fend for himself. She brushed her hair with her hands and readjusted her clothing. She swooped under his arms and walked towards the landing. He still hadn’t bothered to clean himself up. He heard her voice, soft but unmistakably imperious.

“I’m glad we are on the same page commander.” He heard her step down the ladder and out the door.

Oh yes he felt wretched indeed.


	19. Never ruin an apology with an excuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions rise causing a lot of hurt. Varric lends a hand and just a lot of companion building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote comes from the Benny Franklin  
> "Never ruin an apology with an excuse"

Evelyn pressed both palms over her eyes and sighed. According to Lelianna there was no communication from the Wardens at Adamant Fortress. There hadn’t been for over a month. She had gathered her advisors, including Blackwall and Ronan to figure out their next move.

“We cannot do anything until my scouts have reached Adamant. They will send word once they reach the desert.” Lelianna was not pleased with the situation. Everyone was unsettled by this news. But she seemed to take personal offence at being kept in the dark.

Evelyn looked at the map on the table, the distance between Skyhold and Adamant was staggering. It will take the scouts well over another week to reach the fortress. She turned to Blackwall. “Why do you think the Wardens have gone silent?”

It was hard to read his expression through his massive beard but he seemed hurt by the news. He seemed worried about it, the timbre of his voice shook just a little bit. “I cannot tell you, but they must have their reasons.”

“Well that doesn’t really help us does it.” Cullen said irritably. Cullen looked tired.  More than usual.  Dark purple ciricles underlined his eyes.  He eyed the warden who stared back at him in return.

“Wardens have secrets and goals of their own that stand outside institutions like the Chantry and the Inquisition. They do not need to answer for every action.”

Cullen guffawed “But surely you see this as abnormal behaviour even for the Wardens?”

Blackwall bristled “Even for the Wardens?! Why if you…”

Evelyn raised her voice. “Enough!” The men quieted. She was not in the mood for their bickering. “Blackwall, can you sense anything with your fellow wardens? Anything at all that could help us?”

He crossed his arms. “It doesn’t work like that my lady.”

Evelyn smiled grimly. “Thank you Blackwall, that will be all.” He bowed formally to her and silently left the war room.

As soon as the door closed, Cullen launched into a lecture. “I think he is hiding something. How does he not know what is happening with the wardens?”

Josephine raised her chin. “Blackwall has been nothing except devoted to the Inquisition. If there was any information he could have offered, he would have.”

“He might be beholden to warden secrecy but I think that Josephine is right that if he could help, he would.” Ronan offered. He stood beside Cullen. He wasn’t privy to every meeting they held, but this one Cullen specifically wanted him there.

Cullen turned to his general. Ronan thought that Cullen might have regretted his presence. But he nodded to Ronan and sighed. “Maybe you’re right.” He turned to Evelyn. “Whatever the Wardens are up to it isn’t good.”

Evelyn didn’t react; she continued to stare at the map. Ronan felt for her. The pressure was mounting, she would need to act, and every decision she made will have far reaching effects. The look on her face told him she was aware of that.

Evelyn laid out their impossible situation. “It is too much of a coincidence that they have gone silent as soon as Corypheus makes himself known. But any move we make now we would be making blind. But if we wait too long we will repeat what happened with the Templars.”

Cullen stood up a little straighter. “I agree, we should not repeat what happened with the Templars.” The venom in his voice caused everyone to still. Ronan looked at Evelyn who had her fists clenched at her sides. Her face betrayed little of her emotions unless you knew where to look. Her eyes were strained and her lips thinned.

“The Templars destroyed themselves before I got involved. Do not pretend otherwise.” Her voice was dangerous devoid of emotion.

“Maybe we should discuss…” Josephine tried to speak but Cullen cut her off.

“You could have kept the Order, they wanted to change but you didn’t give them a chance!” He didn’t seem to care that he was yelling.

“Did they?” She asked incredulously. “How many times must we forgive the templars? It wasn’t enough after the mage rebellion? It wasn’t enough that they were killing any mages and non-mages who got in their way since? And now to you it isn’t enough that they let themselves be corrupted by Corypheus. Did they want to change at all before then? No! And they would not change after this. They had their chance, over and over and over again. I do not regret my decision.”

Cullen did not reply, he turned around and stomped out of the war room. They watched him leave, once he closed the door they collectively turned back to Evelyn.

“Let’s continue on with the next order of business.” She ordered.

Josephine looked at the others. “Your Worship, we can continue this a later time.”

Evelyn turned her face slowly to the ambassador. “No. We will continue. We have our general here who is hopefully more level-headed than the commander.” She looked at Ronan, daring him to contradict her. He said nothing.

“Josephine, what news out of Orlais?” If she couldn’t solve Adament, maybe she could make headway in how Corypheus plans to assassinate the empress.

Josephine looked at her clipboard. “We have collected a lot of support from the nobles in Orlais. After Haven, many have thrown their support behind you. But it still isn’t enough. The empress does not consider the Inquisition a powerful ally yet. But we could go through her cousin Gaspard. He may be willing to help us. Even if it is only to infuriate the empress.”

Ronan met Gaspard once. He did not care for the man, he was a pompous ass but he was well loved by the troops. And he did respect his skills in battle. The empress would have won long ago if Gaspard weren’t in charge.  

“Is he willing to talk to us?” Evelyn inquired. She had cooled down slightly since the altercation with Cullen but there was still an edge to her voice.

“Almost. I am working on it Inquisitor. At the urging of Grand Duchess Florianne, the empress is holding a ball. Absolutely everyone will be there. Including Gaspard.”

“So we get ourselves invited as Gaspard’s guest? I don’t care if it is for spite as long as we are there.”

“I agree.” Lelianna stepped forward. “We are only concerned with stopping the assassin.”

Josephine pouted delicately. “Since we don’t have an invitation from anyone we can discuss that detail later. Do you have anything else you which to discuss your Worship?”

Evelyn’s shoulders slumped at the question. _Everything. Nothing._ She shook her head. “No, that’s all for now thank you.”

Lelianna and Josephine gathered their things and quietly left. Ronan lingered, pretending to move some pieces around on the map. He waited until the women left. When he heard the door close he saw Evelyn fold over the table. He walked around the table and placed his hand on the small of her back. Her eyes were closed and she sighed deeply.

“Are you alright?” He asked, he knew the answer but didn’t know what else to say.

She shook her head. “He told me how he felt about my decision just before Haven was attacked. But we hadn’t talked of it since. I don’t regret my decision. The templars should have been held accountable long before that.”

He took his hand off of her back and leaned against the table facing her. “It was not a decision to be made lightly…”

She sharply stood up. “You think I made the decision lightly?”

Ronan was taken aback. “No, but Cullen’s right, the decision…”

“I know what the consequences are!” She looked at him hurt painted her face. “I thought you were on my side.”

“I am on your side…”

“Then _be_ one my side!” She shouted. She turned away from his sharply and walked away from him. She turned around and gestured around her. “All of this is intangible. Whatever power I have can be taken away like that.” She snapped her fingers as emphasis. “I can’t do anything if I don’t have people behindme. I need to quell that type of behaviour before it starts. I won’t tolerate people questioning my decisions like that.”

He looked at her. She was close to breaking. Her eyes were manic and she fidgeting with her fingers. He didn’t like seeing this side of her.

“Evelyn.” He said calmly, he needed to bring her back down. “I agree, but…You don’t need to make these decisions on your own.”

“You weren’t there! No one was but me! Everyone is so quick to criticize but no one has been willing to step up but me.” They were both silent, neither sure where to take the conversation next. Ronan felt powerless to help her. She was lashing out at his words, wanting a punching bag for her frustrations. But he couldn’t bring himself to be that person for her.

He looked at her, seeing the pain and frustration in her eyes. He turned away and walked out of the war room.

*****

Evelyn watched him walk out on her. She felt like a petulant child lashing out like that. He wasn’t even who she was mad at. She was hurt that he sided with Cullen but really her anger wasn’t with him but with Cullen. But she had too much pride to call him back so she let him leave. She was still angry so nothing good would come of it anyways.

She walked over to the map. Dozens of tiny figures were splayed out over it. Most were littered over Ferelden and Orlais, but some stretched as far as Nevarra and there was one in Starkhaven. It was Vael’s banner. A constant reminder that he was still out there. Lelianna says that they haven’t moved out of Starkhaven but Vael still considers Evelyn a heretic. He believes that she killed Devine Justinia and considers the Inquisition an enemy. But his forces are quiet. Evelyn asked Josephine to help but Vael has turned away every agent she sent over there. Josephine promised to keep trying, that eventually he will see the good we are doing, but Evelyn was beginning to lose hope. She would never be able to go back home.

She dragged her finger over to the Ostwick border. She found her hometown on the map; it was so small barely worthy of being named. She wondered what her mother was up to at that moment. What would she think of Evelyn being the Inquisitor? Would she be proud? She honestly didn’t know. Would she ever be able to visit her again?

It had been so long since Evelyn had seen her mother but there was always the chance. Now…now she might never see her again…

Evelyn walked away from the war table and out of the war room to go find Lelianna. She needed to get in touch with her mother. She didn’t make it more than ten feet when Varric walked in front of her. His face was void of his usual joviality.

“I have something to tell you, something big.”

She sighed. “Varric..I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now.”

His face remained serious. “I think you will want to see this…or I should say her.”  

*****

Evelyn ran through the battlements, the wind whistling in her ears. There was a calm mist around Skyhold this morning drowning out any sounds. It suited her mood just fine.

Cullen didn’t come wake her up this morning. He was absent at dinner the night before. She thought about going to see him, being the bigger person and apologizing but it didn’t feel right. She felt right by her decision, and she didn’t want to apologize for it. And it was him that provoked the argument. But then again she should have helped clear the air before it came to a head like that. Either way, he treated her poorly; she didn’t deserve to be yelled at like that. And no one came to her aid. Tears pricked her eyes as she ran.

She ran past Cullen’s tower. She didn’t look up, kept her eyes forward. If she did she would have seen Cullen watching her from his window.

He had been up well before dawn. His early morning nightmares preventing him from falling back asleep. He watched her run past his window, but she never looked his way. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to. He made the decision to apologize to her. Despite his opinion he shouldn’t have been so rude to her. She was right, but it still stung.

He kept telling himself and others that he was no longer a Templar, but when does it stop? There was still lyrium humming inside him and he stopped taking it months ago. When she told him about the templars he took the news personally. It was time for him to own up to his proclamations of moving forward. He needed to set things right, starting with Evelyn.

*****

Dorian descended the stairs from the library. It was a quiet day, but he liked walking through Skyhold when there weren’t many people around. Made things easier.

Since arriving to the Inquisition Dorian had gone through several different encounters. When people found out Corypheus’s army were Venatori, he had been spit on. When people found out he was a mage, people hid themselves from him. People seemed to have forgotten that he raced to Haven to warn them of Corypheus in the first place. But people feel safe now, now they can focus on _real_ threats, like him.

 _If only they truly realized how similar we really are. The Imperium was once just like this. Templars, circles, all that rot._ Not that he wished it to be like his homeland. He cared for Tevinter a great deal but he didn’t want the South going down the same path.  

They asked him why he stayed after Haven. He stayed because he didn’t really have anywhere else to go. The rebel mages allied with Corypheus, he would be damned if he joined them. But he also stayed to atone for what those from his homeland were doing.

He made his way out to the courtyard to await the Inquisitor. He rounded the corner and saw her leaning against the wall overlooking the fortress. She hadn’t seen him yet so he took the opportunity to observe his friend. She didn’t treat him the way the others did. She didn’t treat anyone differently. She cared deeply about everyone around her. But he could see how some people would take advantage of her kindness.

He never told her about how the others treated him. Practically all his life he had been a pariah. Why should now be any different? Plus she had enough troubles to deal with she didn’t need to deal with his as well.

As he watched her he noticed that the commander wasn’t with her. _That’s unusual. Whatever could bring the commander away?_ She rested her head in her hands and gazed out over the courtyard. He watched her face. _Was she always this sad when she thought no one was looking?_   Her eyes were unfocused and she wore a prominent frown. He knew the world was heavy on her shoulders, but she always seemed to take it in stride. But that’s what happens when the world gradually pushes you into the ground, you can handle it up until you can’t but by then you’re already crushed.

Finished with his scrutiny he stepped out from the shadows. She noticed him and immediately smiled, no hint of previous sorrow on her face. She would even hide it from him. _The world doesn’t deserve you._ He smiled back at her as she descended the stairs.

“I say you look rather fetching today, there is much less of a ‘drenched rat’ look about you today.”

She laughed at his remarks. “Well I try.  I even beat my time.”

“Probably helps when there aren’t any commanders to distract you.” Her face fell at his mention. Dorian scolded himself on his error. “My dear friend, I am sorry. What has the commander done to hurt you so?” Her face began to crumble. He pulled her into his arms. “Shhhhhh amicus.”

She cried on his shoulder for several minutes. Dorian kept her close, stroking her hair. He swore several oaths to the Maker to hurt Cullen later for this. Finally she pulled back. Her eyes were red and tears streaked her face. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Think nothing of it. But do tell me what is troubling you?” She looked like she was about to cry again but she held herself together.

“Cullen...he...I just…I just feel so alone.”

“Leaders typically are. Not much company I’m afraid. But luckily for you I fit into the ‘exhalted’ category quite nicely. And I’m told I’m excellent company.”

A small smile crept onto her lips but fell once more. “I’m afraid Cullen doesn’t think I fit that description.”

He brought her face up to his. “Then he is wrong and a damn fool.”

She smiled, and this time it was real. “Thank you Dorian. I’m glad you’re here.” She took a deep breath. “Ready to practise?”

He maneuvered beside her and put his hand on her waist to lead her towards the training grounds. “Why don’t we take a break from practising and instead watch the soldiers beat each other with swords.” 

***** 

Ronan ducked under a swinging blow and had to roll away from a second attack from his side. Coming up to he feet he raised his sword. His opponent stood several feet away his sword poking over his shield. His defense was strong but Ronan knew how to get around it.

Ronan stood on the balls of his feet, ready. His opponent edged towards Ronan. Once within striking range, his opponent launched himself at Ronan. He eased into the blow and used the momentum to push the man off balance. He quickly swung his sword at the opening.

The man staggered from the blow but kept his feet. Whirling around, the man swung his shield, hoping to catch Ronan in a parry. Ronan danced back from the swing causing the man to tumble forward. With a smart thwack Ronan hit the man in the back.

Finally falling over, the man tried to raise his shield but not before Ronan pointed his sword at his neck.

Cheers and hollers greeted him in his victory. He offered his hand to help the man up who graciously took it.

He looked around at the crowd that had gathered. The show was for his soldiers but others had gathered to watch the general fight. The usual onlookers were there including some of Evelyn’s companions: Sera and Dorian. But not Evelyn herself. She still wasn’t talking to him apparently.

He went to the drinks table at the edge of ring and poured himself a glass. He was dripping with sweat, and looked around for his towel to dry himself. Not finding it anywhere he gave up and turned to watch the two new soldiers taking up the ring.

A strong Orlesian accent came from behind him. “Monsieur, I believe this is yours?” He turned to find a tall masked woman holding a towel delicately in her gloved hand. He nodded and took the towel to dry himself. He noticed her still looking at him.

“Thank you.” He said awkwardly. He could not read her expression through that blasted mask.

“Mon plaisir.” But she continued to stare at him expectantly.

Ronan stood awkwardly silent. Was he missing something? These Orlesians were always playing The Game but he couldn’t see the point. Plus it usually required more talking than this.

He looked around. Everyone else was watching the spectacle, not paying him any mind. “Um…Do you want something?”

He heard her tittle behind her mask. “Oui, je veux te baiser dans les écuries.” She giggled again.

He blushed furiously. He coughed and he heard her giggle at his expense.

“Je ne pensais pas que quelqu'un du Starkhaven parlerait orlesian. C’est très intèressant.” Her voice was low. “Tu caches d’autres surprises?”

The crowd erupted, saving him from answering. He turned around to see one soldier standing over the other. Retreating from this woman he walked over to the two fighters.

He cleared his throat and congratulated them. He could feel her eyes on his back. He really hoped no one else noticed his encounter. If he looked up to the highest lookout he would have seen Evelyn looking down on the training grounds. But he did not look up.

Evelyn watched from her perch next to Hawke. She watched him speak with the Orlesian woman. They had their fight but she wasn’t worried. She had other problems to deal with. She met with the Champion of Kirkwall yesterday, but she was still processing the news. Hawke casually leaned over the wall next to her. Evelyn had to keep from gaping at her. She was still in awe of the Champion.

When she was in Starkhaven, she heard many stories about the Champion’s adventures. When the Qunari invaded Kirkwall, her mother worried that Ostwick would be next. That worry was shared by everyone in the Free Marches. But then Hawke and her companions defeated the Arishok and liberated the city. There were so many stories, and here was the hero in the flesh.

“You’re staring again.” Hawke commented casually, still looking down at the training grounds. Evelyn blushed profusely and looked away. She heard Hawke chuckle.

“Don’t worry, if I could look at myself like that I would stare as well.” Evelyn turned to find Hawke grinning. Varric, who had been lounging in the corner, laughed wildly. Evelyn couldn’t help but laugh along.

“You sound like my friend Dorian. You two should meet, you would get along famously.”

Hawke brushed her bangs away from her face. “Or we would rip each other to shreds.”

Evelyn stroked her chin. “Yeah maybe not.”

Hawke turned back to watch the grounds. “Your army is impressive. The Inquisition has moved quickly. I wish I had you around a few years ago.” Evelyn could hear the pain and regret in her voice. How could she complain about her struggles when Hawke handled much worse for ten years?

“Nah, don’t beat yourself up Hawke, no one could have stopped Blondie from blowing up the Chantry not even for you.” Varric said from his corner. Evelyn could tell that this wasn’t the first time Varric has had to say that.

“He’s right.” Evelyn commented. “Even if you had stopped him then, it was only a matter of time.”

Hawke shook her head; her short hair fell in front of her eyes. “You have good people here Inquisitor. They are loyal. Treat them well and they will follow you anywhere.”

“Many have joined the Inquisition, we are lucky to have them” Evelyn agreed.

Hawke turned her level gaze to Evelyn. “No. They follow you, the Inquisition is just a side effect of you, remember that.” Hawke held her gaze until Evelyn nodded.

“Varric told me that Cullen has joined your Inquisition.”

Evelyn nodded glumly. She saw Cullen walk out of his tower towards the training grounds. He wore his usual lion garb. She wondered if he ever bothered to wash the awful thing.

He walked towards the grounds, Ronan walking up to meet him. The two shook hands and conversed amicably. The sight gave Evelyn an odd feeling.

Cullen’s attitude towards her left her utterly confused. Before Haven, he confessed having feelings for her. But the Templars destroyed whatever feelings he had. He barely concealed his disdain for her and yesterday he didn’t even bother to do that.

“I’m glad he has found a new path. Things were not good for him in Kirkwall.” Pity coated Hawke’s words.

“He sided with you in end didn’t he?” Evelyn inquired.

“But at a cost…I heard a rumour when he first arrived in Kirkwall…” Hawke looked up at Evelyn. “…Nevermind.”

Evelyn wanted to but didn’t inquiry further. When she returned her attention to the grounds, Ronan and Cullen were still chatting. _I suppose it is a good thing that they are getting along._ But then why did it make her feel so awful?

Evelyn leaned back from the wall and put Cullen and Ronan out of her mind. “We should probably settle on telling the rest about what you told me.”

Hawke nodded. “I am prepared to help. We should leave for Crestwood as soon as you are able.”

“You should let me talk to Cassandra first. She will be very _upset_ with Varric.”

The two looked at Varric who looked ill at the prospect.

“Not that I am afraid of the seeker but maybe we should head to Crestwood first. You know? To clear the path.”  

Hawke laughed, it had a beautiful ring to it. “Varric you’ve faced far worse than the seeker!”

“Okay! You can stay here and explain to the seeker and I’ll go on ahead.”

Hawke pursed her lips “Clearing a path, good idea as always Varric.”

Evelyn smiled at the two. “I’ll give you a couple days head start.”

*****

Evelyn walked through fortress towards her room. Hawke and Varric would sneak out that night.   After a few days she would follow their trail. It was odd to meet the Champion like this. It was even odder to have the Champion treat her like an equal. Evelyn’s feet were light as she stepped through the main entrance to her building. She passed the hallway to the rotunda and stopped. Looking in she saw Solas painting the wall. She couldn’t see properly from where she stood so she walked in to have a better look. What she saw was unlike anything she could have imagined.

The entire wall was a mural. Solas stood in one corner masterfully painting an image of…her! His painting was of Evelyn and the battle of Haven.

“You can join me if you like Inquisitor.” Solas said without pause in his brush strokes. His elegant hands were covered in paint. Evelyn couldn’t remember ever seeing him dirty.

She smiled and moved to stand beside him. He stopped once she was near.

“It’s beautiful.” She ran her hand over the paint but not touching.

Solas inclined his head, taking the compliment. “I was curious about your reaction however. Some would jump at the chance to be remembered like this but you…” He let the rest of his sentence hang.

“I think whatever the Inquisition does will be remembered regardless of my wishes.”

He chuckled. “You are right in that regard. The reach of the Inquisition is far.”

She nodded vaguely, still examining the mural. “Yes, it is.” She stopped and finally looked at him. He was watching her closely. “But not far enough. I feel that Corypheus will remain forever out of my reach.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “Every day the Inquisition grows. Who is to say how far it will reach in the end.” He paused then smiled slightly. “But you did not come here to talk about Corypheus.”

“He does tend to dominate every conversation.” She said evenly.

Solas chuckled quietly. “Well then…” He picked up a brush and handed it to her. “We could not talk at all and therefore eliminate that possibility.”

She smiled broadly. “I would like that. Do you have another canvas I could use?”

“No, but I would like you to contribute to this.” He gestured to the mural. “I am curious to see what you do with yourself.” He pursed his lips.

She wasn’t looking at him anymore. The hundreds of colours to choose from distracted her. It had been months since she painted. She had forgotten how wonderful it felt. By the time she looked back at him his smile returned.

*****

Ronan leaned against the doorframe watching Evelyn and Solas paint in silence. He was content to stand and watch them; he didn’t wish to disturb their work. The scene was so similar to the one back in Starkhaven. That was before he really knew her. Or she him. She said she didn’t trust him then; saw him as another military lackey.  Now he was here, needing to apologize again to her.

Evelyn put the finished touch on her section and turned to look at him. A large smile on her face. Of course she knew he was there. He tried to smile back but when he remembered why he was there he faltered. Her smile faded after that moment and she got down from her stand. She said a few words to Solas who turned to regard Ronan. The elf inclined his head and disappeared through a hallway.

He looked around but they apparently were alone. She went to the table to wipe the paint from her hands. She sighed deeply and looked at him.

“Hello,” was all she said.  Her eyes were steel.

He looked at her. He didn’t know where to start to apologize to her. Her silence encroached on his nerve. He took a breath.

“I’m sorry.” Her eyes became sad.

“I want to apologize for the other day.” He continued, speaking quickly. “I should have supported you when you needed me. I didn’t. And when you wanted to talk to me I didn’t listen.” Her eyes softened, giving him hope. “I want you to trust that I will be there from now on.”

Her eyes glistened, warmth returning to her eyes. “Thank you.” She looked around. No one was around but they were exposed. She pulled him into the small alcove on the side. Once secluded, she cupped his face.

“I'm sorry too.” She whispered. "Sometimes I am overwhelmed by all of this and I didn't mean to take it out on you.  It means a lot that you said that.”

He tentatively put his hands on her waist. She smiled up at him. She had forgiven him. He pulled her closer.

“I am here. I am not going anywhere Evee.” He could feel her smiling against his ear.

“I've missed you calling me that.”

He pulled back just enough to bring his lips to hers. It was a soft kiss. One filled with forgiveness and promises. A promise to himself and to her; he would not hurt her ever again.

*****

Evelyn waited a few days like she had promised Hawke and Varric. But now, she deeply regretted that decision. She gathered her advisors along with Cassandra. She brought Cassandra over to a chair near the war table.

“Cassandra, I think you should sit down for this.”

Cassandra narrowed her eyes but acquiesced. “Alright.”

Evelyn took a breath. “Varric brought Hawke here to Skyhold.”

Cassandra stood up so quickly she launched the chair behind her. “What?!” She moved to leave, to hunt down Varric. “I will wring that little bastard’s neck...”

Evelyn called out to her. “They already left.”

Cassandra turned back to her, eyes wide with anger. “What?”

 _Oh Varric you owe me big time!_ “They are already on their way to Crestwood. I plan on leaving to join them.”

“Inquisitor, you shouldn’t have left them out of your sight. Now we can’t track them.” Lelianna criticized.

Evelyn eyed her. “I trust them. Hawke wants to make this right.” Cassandra scoffed.  “Varric was protecting his friend. Think about it Cassandra. All that Hawke went through, would you want to put her through all that again if you were her friend?”

Cassandra moved to answer but stopped and shook her head. “You’re right, but I will not be able to forget this.”

Evelyn didn’t expect anything less. “That’s fine. She is helping now and…well it’s complicated things quite a bit.”

She told them what Hawke revealed to her on the battlements. How Corypheus survived; how he may be using Grey Wardens. Once finished, no one spoke for a moment. Even Cassandra was quiet.

“I will leave for Crestwood as soon as I can. And also investigate why the town has gone silent while I am there.”

“I will go with you.” Cassandra offered.

Evelyn regarded her. “I think you should sit this one out Cassandra.” She said cautiously.

Cassandra breathed deeply. “I can control myself. He has some explaining to do, but I will be okay.”

Evelyn nodded. “Alright.I will bring Blackwall as well.  It will take some time to get there.  When can we be ready?”

Lelianna looked at Cullen before turning to Evelyn. “Inquisitor, since you are going to Crestwood I think you should take some soldiers with you. We do not know what you will be facing there. It will be too dangerous to go with so few numbers.”

Evelyn agreed. “You’re right. General Ellis will come with me with his soldiers…”

Lelianna interrupted. “Actually Inquisitor, I thought the Commander should go. This is new terrain and the commander should have a chance to survey it.”

Cullen looked at Lelianna; his face was too neutral to read. Evelyn scrunched up her face in confusion. “Isn’t that why we have our general? No, I think I will stick with Ellis.” She gave Lelianna a wary look. The spymaster looked as if she would argue but thankfully receded.

A sinking feeling ran through her.  That same feeling she had before Haven was back.  She made a mental note to think about that later.  She clapped her hands, feeling in control again. “Alright. Let’s get started.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amicus- My friend
> 
> Oui, je veux te baiser dans les écuries. - Basically means 'I want you to fuck me in the stables'
> 
>  
> 
> “Je ne pensais pas que quelqu'un du Starkhaven parlerait orlesian. C’est très intèressant.” - I didn't know that anyone from Starkhaven spoke orlesian.
> 
> “Tu caches d’autres surprises?” -Are you hiding any other surprises


	20. Kicking Death in the Ass while Singing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from a quote:
> 
> “Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.” Charles Bukowski
> 
> NSFW in some sections. 
> 
> I really love Dorian. I didn't like that Bull was his only relationship choice outside of the Inquisitor so I made him another companion.

The ride out to the Crestwood would only take a few days despite the trail of soldiers Ronan brought with them. The settled on a small unit but it still was slower than if Evelyn went alone. Not that she minded, this time away from Skyhold was refreshing. And it gave her valuable time with Ronan.

Outside of Skyhold they were both more relaxed. They didn’t have to worry as much about the scrutiny of onlookers. The only person Evelyn was worried about was Cassandra, but she was so focused on skinning Varric alive when she found him that she didn’t pay attention at all to Evelyn and Ronan. Blackwall kept to himself, or travelled with the other soldiers. Dorian was trustworthy. Evelyn contemplated telling him. She felt guilty about keeping this secret from him. But they weren’t ready to tell anyone yet, not even him.

She carried two weapons with her. One was her modified gun that she wore on her hip. Easy to grab and fire. It settled on her hop nicely. The other one was a long barrelled gun strapped to her back. That was new. She worked with Dagna and Harritt since arriving at Skyhold on this new design. They tested it in the undercroft but this was the true road test, how would it suffice against demons? It looked menacing on her back. She had yet to try it in front of her soldiers but whispers were abound when she rode out with it strapped to her back.

Evelyn and Ronan rode side by side for the entire day. They kept their mounts close, but remained professional. Their talks were smooth and comfortable. Occasionally someone would come join them but mostly they were left alone. Ronan found himself gazing at her, the way her hair captured the sunlight. But he was the infatuated soldier, he was supposed to gaze. When she caught him looking she would give him a sly look.

He wanted desperately to touch her, especially when she brought her mount too close to his. It took everything he had to refrain. She used every opportunity to touch him. Grazing his hand to grab his attention, touching his arm when he made her laugh. Every touch sent a chill down his spine.

Finally near dusk they settled on a campsite. Evelyn ordered the soldiers to set up camp and start the fires for cooking. She was famished. She got off her horse with a hand from Ronan. His hand lingered on hers. She couldn’t keep her eyes off of his. She didn’t try to bring her hand back, savouring his touch. It was only when Dorian approached them that they separated.

Dorian coughed and leaned on his staff. “Amicus, can I steal you for a moment? Ronan felt Dorian’s eyes on him. He looked at the mage and felt him weighing every imperfection he had.

Evelyn did not seem to notice the scrutiny. She squeezed Ronan’s hand before releasing. “Of course Dorian.”

Dorian put his arm around her shoulder as they walked away but he looked back at Ronan with a warning glare. Ronan held his gaze, resisting a wink. That would only cause trouble. He hadn’t realized how protective Dorian was of his friend. He shook his head when they were out of sight and started to bark orders at his troops.

*****

Ronan eased into his seat around the fire balancing a mug and a bowl with his hands. Evelyn was sitting across from him chatting with Carston. Her hair was down, falling in front of her face every time she laughed. Dorian sat on her other side but he was preoccupied with one of his soldiers, Flynn. Dorian mostly occupied the conversation but Flynn didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Dorian was making Flynn laugh which Ronan didn’t think was possible. His normally stoic friend almost spit out his beer following one of Dorian’s remarks.

Their knees were close together, and the look in Flynn’s eye was unmistakable. His friend was smitten by the mage. This was not a new thing; he wondered how long his friend had been happy.

Flynn caught Ronan’s gaze and nodded to him. Ronan raised his mug in salute, blessing his friend.

Evelyn distracted by his movement glanced his way. He jerked his chin at the couple and smiled. She was beaming, she was very happy for her friend.

*****

Carston was an interesting fellow. He certainly had a lot of stories. He was the middle child of six. This made storytelling a challenge. Evelyn focused on keeping track of the names. It didn’t really matter in the end, Carston was a great storyteller. He was not a big man, but his voice was large and booming. It captured the attention of everyone around the campfire including Dorian and Flynn.

Carston finished his last story to cheers and applause. He stood on his chair and bowed theatrically. Laughter and cheers followed him. Carston launched into another tale and the whole camp hushed. Evelyn sat back from the crowd, as they grew closer to him. The whole scene brought a smile to her face.

She looked around the campfire and didn’t find Ronan. Looking beyond the fire, she saw a figure by the trees away from the campfire. No one was paying attention to her, all eyes were on Carston. She slunk away from the firelight and walked towards the figure.

Ronan melted into view, a smirk on his face.

“Wanna get away?” He whispered.

She looked back at the campfire. Everyone was still listening to Carston. She looked back at him and nodded. He took her hand and they walked into the forest beyond the firelight.

Noises from the camp died away as they walked hand in hand. When all sounds faded, Ronan stopped and with his other hand brushed his hand through her hair. He bent his head down and kissed her deeply. She already had wrapped her hand around his neck, eager to kiss him.

She opened her mouth, opening herself to him. He took it with a hunger.

She broke their kiss to catch a breath, a sultry smile played on her lips. She looked around them, but no one was around.

“I think we find ourselves alone.” She whispered, her throaty voice sending shivers down his spine.

“Whatever shall we do?” He asked in mock seriousness.

She bit her lip. “Come with me.” She took his hand and led him further away. She was silent as she led him down a path to the edge of the forest. She looked back at him every few moments smiling at him. She was practically dancing.

They exited the forest to a field, tall grass in front of them. The moon shone brightly down, illuminating them softly.

She took his other hand and backed up into the grass. Her eyes were dark with desire, her hands warm around his. She stopped and placed his hands on her waist. She encircled her hands around this neck and in his hair. Ronan wasn’t sure when he last took a breath. He couldn’t believe that she was standing in front of him, swaying to some unheard music.

“Evee.” He whispered. They had been so close before. But here, there would be no interruptions. No messengers, or soldiers, or advisors begging their time with them. They were alone with each other.

He dragged his hands up until he cupped her face. “Evee.” He said her name again. It was all he could say, all he ever wanted to say again.

“Ronan.” She breathed his name. “I want you.” She pulled his head down and kissed him passionately.

The next moments were fumbles and giggles as she pulled his shirt over his head. She took a moment to admire his muscled chest, went so far to raise her eyebrows. A few scars covered his chest. She traced her fingers over a long one from his rib to his shoulder. He pulled her back to him, kissing her lips and trailing down her neck. She moaned at his touch and clutched him harder. This drove him, wanting to make her make those sounds again. His hand caressed her skin as he cupped her breast, flitting his fingers over her nipples.

He reached down and pulled her shirt up. She raised her arms to help him. This time she was wearing a breast band. She laughed at his reaction, reaching to her chest, she unwrapped her band, tossing it to the ground. Her breasts exposed in the moonlight would haunt his dreams.

He took his clothes and placed them on the grass. She giggled at his chivalry. He pulled her down and laid her down on his coat. He placed himself over her, his arms braced beside her shoulders. Her eyes danced with desire, her breaths were heavy.

He kissed her deeply. He felt arms scratch lightly against his back, nails grazing his skin. He felt her legs wrap around him pulling his body closer to hers. Cloth still separated them but he could feel the heat of her sex against his cock. His hands roamed her body, wanting to touch every inch of her. A moan escaped her lips. The sound vibrated right down to his cock.

He left her lips to trail kisses down her neck. He sucked lightly on her neck causing another moan from her. His heart raced in response. He moved past her collarbone down stopping at her beautiful breasts. He didn’t pause and took one in his mouth. She moaned again, covering her mouth to keep quiet. His tongue flicked over her nipple. He loved her sounds.

He slowly made his way down her stomach and stopped at her waist. He unbuckled her belt and pulled her pants down below her waist. She lifted herself up to help him. He flung the garment aside and stroked her legs. He slowly opened her legs marvelling at the sight.

He kissed her knees, light feather kisses. She bucked at his touch. His hands held her legs, his fingers massaging the skin. He made his way closer to her middle languidly. He wanted to take his time, enjoying every moment of her. He heard her breath hitch as his mouth settled over her clit. His tongue brushed up against it causing her to buck against his mouth. He felt her body tense as he stroked her clit with his tongue. She taste so sweet he couldn’t get enough. Wanting her to make those sounds he slid

Her back arched and her breathing was ragged as he slowly pumped his finger inside her. He curled his finger to brush the inside. This elicited a whimper from her. Urged on by her cries, he slid another finger into her, moaning when he felt how wet she was for him. He crooked his finger, massaging the sweet spot inside of her. His tongue keeping time with his fingers. He felt her body tense around his finger and release as she came. Another whimper escaped her mouth and he slowed.   He gently removed his finger.

She moved with alacrity, bringing her mouth to his, wanting to taste herself. She sighed against his lips as she brought her hand down to his belt. She deftly unbuckled his pants and released his hard cock. He groaned as she stroked his shaft. She began to lower her head but he stopped her and pushed her gently back on his makeshift blanket. She watched him with darkened eyes. Her pale skin illuminated by the moon; her dark hair absorbed the darkness.

He shook off the last of his clothing and crawled back towards her. Desire painted her paint as she brought him closer to her. He braced himself above her, his cock quivering just above her entrance. She wrapped herself around him pulling him down.

He slid himself inside her wetness, he groaned as she tightened around his cock. He was so close already, the heat of her sex driving him mad. He pumped slowly, savouring the sensations. Her nails dug into his back as he increased the rhythm losing himself in her. He felt her tighten around him again, she was close. He wanted to bring her there again. He kissed her neck as he pumped as she cried his name. He felt her cum, her body tightening around his cock causing him to lose control. He spilled himself inside her.

He slowed and stopped, still inside her. Her breathing was ragged and her eyes danced with euphoria. He calmed his breathing, still staring into her beautiful eyes. She groaned as he pulled out, careful not to spill. He relaxed beside her.

She shifted to drape a leg over his and rested her hand on his waist. He propped himself on his elbow and stroked her leg gently.

He didn’t care that they were outside in a field. The tall grass tickled his back. He gave most the room to her so he was lying mostly on the itchy grass. But he didn’t care, he would gladly give everything to her and he would still be the lucky one. He could not believe his luck that fate blessed him with her.

 

*****

Dorian leaned against the tree looking out into the forest. This was the direction Evelyn had gone so he hoped she would come back the same way. The camp had gone to bed, thankfully, so he could keep watch on his own.   When Evelyn was discovered gone he lied. He told the camp that the Inquisitor had already retired to bed. Dorian thanked the Maker no one actually checked her tent.

Dorian had watched her sneak away from the campfire. He watched her leave the firelight. No one else had seemed to notice her absence. Flynn said he didn’t know anything even after Dorian tried to coax some answers out of him. But he was such a terrible liar. Loyal, but a terrible liar nonetheless. Dorian was able to piece everything together soon enough. Evelyn and Ellis. Suddenly everything began to make sense.

Dorian heard the rumours about the general’s adoration of the Inquisitor but he didn’t know the feeling was mutual. He was a little hurt that she kept this from him. Part of him knew she would have told him when she was ready to tell but other darker part of him was upset by her lack of trust in him. But he also knew that if she was sneaking off that she didn’t want the rest of the Inquisition to know. So like a good friend he parked himself by the edge of the forest to wait for his friend to return.

Footsteps from the forest caught his attention as he saw two dark figures walking towards him. When they saw him they froze. Evelyn opened her mouth but he put his finger to his lips. Evelyn turned to Ellis and shrug sheepishly. He returned the gesture.

They approached Dorian who had a hundred biting remarks waiting on his tongue. But those could wait. First he had to get Evelyn into her tent without anyone seeing.

“I hope you two had fun while I have been sitting here waiting like a bloody pietist.” He tried to sound indignant but their naivety got the better of him. Evelyn tried to answer but he put up his hand. “You can tell me all the details later, and believe me I deserve to know every horrid detail.” A hint of a smile quirked on his lips despite his protests.

Evelyn smiled appreciatively and placed a hand gently on his arm. She mouthed ‘thank you’ to him. Dorian broke and smiled at his friend. Ellis put his hand out and Dorian shook his hand.

“Thank you Dorian.”

He stroked his moustache. “Don’t thank me quite yet, I only told everyone that Evelyn went to bed.” He turned to Evelyn. “I still haven’t gotten you there yet.”

Dorian looked back into the camp. No one was around the fire. Flynn stood by Evelyn’s tent guarding against intruders. He saw Dorian and nodded indicating the coast is clear.

Dorian turned back to the couple. “Alright, Evelyn you come with me now, general you will wait a few moments and go to your tent. _Your tent_.” He heard a snicker from one of them. _Maker help me!_  “I’ve had enough excitement for one night, although I bet I can’t say the same for you two.” Ellis coughed while Evelyn grinned manically.

“Fine fine, let’s go before someone who _isn’t_ me finds you.” Without another word Dorian ushered Evelyn towards her tent. He didn’t look back but trusted the man to wait.

Once inside her tent Evelyn threw herself on her bed. Her sighed into her pillow. Dorian walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. After another sigh she raised her head up and grinned at him.

He tried scowling at her. “Evelyn do you have any idea what you put me through tonight?”

She propped herself on her elbow her face a mixture of apologetic and euphoria. “Oh Dorian, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I haven’t told anyone, I’m… I just don’t want the world to know yet. You understand don’t you?”

Dorian sighed. “Don’t worry, I understand the need for secrets amicus. But seriously, I will have to teach you how to sneak around. What was that amateur display? ”

Evelyn rolled her eyes.

He continued. “But _now._ ” He steepled his fingers. “Tell me everything.”

She sat up and poked him in the chest. “woah woah woah, what about you and Flynn huh? When did _that_ happen?”

   He swatted her hand away. “No stalling, yours is much juicier than mine, though mine is better looking.” Evelyn laughed. “His hair is much too long, is he auditioning to be model for Varric’s next book cover?”

Evelyn slapped his arm. “What? It’s barely past his ears?!”

Dorian sneered. “Like an animal. But…” He raised his palms in surrender. “If you like that sort of thing.”

Evelyn scoffed, but the smile showed Dorian that she was not offended. Her eyes were unfocused, stuck in the past of that evening. He watched her friend reminisce. Hope returned to Dorian, maybe she would be okay after all.

*****  

Thankfully no one in camp suspected anything last night so they were in the clear. Dorian scolded Evelyn on her carelessly. The morning after, she seemed to sober and take him seriously. It was a close call, she promised to be more careful in the future. Now that she was taken care of, it was time to talk to her lover. That morning Dorian rode up beside Ellis.

“General, may I talk to you for a moment?” And he rode up ahead expecting him to follow.

Ellis followed him a moment later, his horse settled alongside Dorian’s. Dorian turned towards the general, but before he could speaker he was interrupted.

“What are your intentions with Flynn?” Ellis asked abruptly.

Dorian was caught off guard by the remark. “Erm…”

“Flynn is a great man. He is one of my oldest friends. I have trusted him with my life on countless occasions. He doesn’t deserve to be loved then forgotten.”

Dorian, for the first time in his life, was left speechless.

“So if this is a game or you aren’t serious about it, then you need to be honest with him. He deserves nothing less.”

“You know General,” Dorian finally managed to get a hold of himself, “I hope the irony is not lost on you.” He looked sidelong at Ellis.

“I hope you know that I value honesty and trust above all else.” Ellis retorted, still keeping his vision forward.

Dorian nodded. He admitted to himself that he didn’t really know the general. Oddly enough, Evelyn didn’t talk about him much. Maybe she was afraid that it would lead to suspicion. She confessed last night about their affair. He had to admit, he liked that salaciousness nature of it. The sneaking, the secrets, the forbidden, although they were rotten at it. If he hadn’t caught on to their secret they would have been found out. _How did they manage to keep this a secret for so long?_

“Flynn is aware of my feelings.” Dorian put forward tentatively. His own relationship was so new, he wasn’t prepared to run away with the soldier despite what he could do with his tongue.

“What are your feelings?”

“I should be asking the same for you.” Dorian retorted not unkindly. His own affair wasn’t the general’s business, despite whatever care he had for his friend.

Evelyn didn’t mention love last night, she was very careful to not use that word. Her feelings for the general were not clear despite her elation the night before. Dorian tried bringing it up again but she seemed to shut down at his questioning. She didn’t regret last night but she was aware that things became much more complicated. She must have heard the rumours too. Maybe things weren’t so mutual after all.

“Will you indulge me General?”

“Do I have a choice?” Ellis answered light-heartedly.

“Oh Maker no!” Dorian exclaimed.

Ellis chuckled lightly. “Alright, ask away.”

Dorian hesitated, unsure how to phrase it. “She is the Inquisitor. She has _obligations_ that are of, how I shall say, _delicate_ nature.”

Ellis’s face tightened. “Whatever the Inquisitor decides, I will stay by her.” He said gravely.  

Dorian gaped at the general. “You really are in love with her aren’t you?”

The general did not look at Dorian.

“I won’t tell.” Dorian offered.

The general did not reply. He kicked his horse into a faster trot, leaving Dorian behind.

*****

 

_Shit!_

They reached Crestwood the next day and began searching the area for the missing scout camp. The found the camp an hour later. The camp was torn apart, not from a storm but from an attack. The bodies they found had been…devoured and strewn around the camp. Like someone had feasted on the remains.

“Shit!” Evelyn said aloud. She immediately dismounted her horse and walked to the nearest body. She didn’t recognize the body, mostly because the face had been had eaten. Dorian was beside her, a cloth over his mouth muttering in Tevene.

“Maker preserve us.” Cassandra whispered behind her.

“This couldn’t have been done by humans.” Evelyn noted, examining the body. The body had been decaying for a while now. She delicately lifted the head to get a better look. The scalp hung loosely from the head, congealed blood held it somewhat together. The brain was mostly eaten. She heard a gagging sound from Dorian.    

“Amicus please.” Dorian moaned. He stepped away from the body.

“Something attacked them and then tried to eat them afterwards. But it was not done in any reasonable way, like it was mindless.”

“Yes, please describe it in more detail.” Dorian said irritably.

“Do you expect something that eats people to be reasonable?” Cassandra asked derisively.

Evelyn tsked. “No, but it tells us we may not be dealing with demons. Unless you know of demons that eat human flesh?” Their silence told her the answer.

She lay the head gently down and walked away from the body. She looked around the rest of the camp. Notes and files were scattered, water drenched the pages making them unreadable. The tents were torn down, as if claws thrashed at them. Maybe demons were here, or something with claws at least.

The rain wasn’t helping her search either. It was no more than midday and the skies were already dark. Maybe it was the rift in the lake. _How does that even get there?_ Whatever happened here was not a coincidence. Something sinister was going on.

She approached Ronan who was waiting by her horse. He ordered the soldiers to stand as a perimeter around the Inquisitor but not to approach the bodies. No one questioned his order.

“This is bad.” She whispered to him. His face was serious as soon as they entered the camp. He wouldn’t joke about something like this.

“What is it?” He whispered back. He wanted to know what they were dealing with before he frightened his troops.

“I don’t know.” She looked at him. “There is a rift nearby, a large one. But I don’t think this is from demons.”

“Maybe whatever happened here has moved on. We should bury them and check the town for information. Surely they must know something.”

Evelyn was nodding. “We should let their families know.” She hesitated. “It might be hard to identify them.”

Ronan’s face grew sad and knowing. “We always find a way.” She didn’t know what to make of that so she settled her hand on his arm. He didn’t acknowledge the gesture and walked away to order his soldiers. They would take care of the bodies leaving Evelyn to go to the town. Ronan would find them there afterwards.

She gathered her team and started their trek towards the village. They crested the hill and saw some Grey Wardens being attacked by corpses. Evelyn stopped dumbfounded for a moment. She had never seen anything like this before. The dead were walking and attacking the living. The corpses were bloated as if waterlogged.

Luckily Cassandra was not dumbstruck. She shouted a war cry and charged into the battle followed by Blackwall. Dorian moved to the side to rain down horror on them. Coming to her senses, Evelyn followed suit.

She swung her rifle from her back and settled into one knee on top of the hill. The rain made it hard to see but she let herself breath and find a good shot. Through the pounding rain she saw her opening and took it. One swift shot to the head and one was down. She didn’t slow down and immediately reloaded her rifle. Her second shot almost missed the targets head but shot through the chest instead. It didn’t go down as a human would. But Cassandra was nearby and took the opportunity to lob off its head.

She reloaded her rifle a third time but the torrential downpour caused her rifle to jam. _Shit!_ She swore again. Not wasting time, she slung her rifle on her back again and drew her gun holstered on her hip. She prayed the rain didn’t clog this one as well. She aimed at the corpse closest to her, stumbling its way towards her. Its shuffling had an eerie quickness to it. Her shot ran through its forehead causing the head to burst. The corpse walked an extra two feet then fell to the ground in front of her. Its bloated body burst on impact. She exhaled and looked for her next target.

Soon after the battle was over with everyone only sustaining minor injuries. Blackwall’s armour almost got clawed through but he shrugged it off. She caught Dorian rolling his eyes.

The two Grey Wardens stood on the other side of the bridge. They recognized Evelyn as she approached them nodding in her direction. She motioned for Blackwall to join her.

“What are you doing here in Crestwood?” She asked. She wasn’t expecting them here and this coincidence was not unnoticed by her companions.

“We are looking for a Grey Warden named Stroud. We tracked him down to Crestwood but the village hasn’t seen him. But they have enough troubles as in, can’t be bothered with his whereabouts. Not that I blame them.”

“What happened here? We lost contact with our scouts.” Evelyn asked.

“Don’t know. The undead come from the lake, they might be coming from the rift. The vill

“Are you moving on or staying here to fight them?” She didn’t want them around when she would be going to Hawke. They could easily tail them and everything would be ruined. Having Grey Wardens around would be a great help but the risk was too high.

“We must move along Inquisitor. We have our orders.” His voice was kind, and regretful.

“Will you really not stay and fight?” Blackwall bristled.

“We have our orders.” The Grey Warden said evenly. He didn’t like abandoning the village or being reprimanded for it.

“I understand.” Evelyn stepped in. She wanted to be done with this place. She was soaked and cold. Her oiled cloak doing nothing to keep the rain off her. She could feel water sloshing around in her boots. Maybe the village would be dry.

The Grey Wardens left them, luckily walking in the opposite direction of Hawke’s hiding place. She would give them time to leave the area before venturing out to see Hawke. They continued on their way to the village.

The situation was even worse than the bridge. Corpses shambled relentlessly towards the village. They had to fight their way through the village gates. Once inside she went to find whoever was in charge. It turned out to be the mayor of Crestwood who was holed up in his manor. Upon seeing the Inquisition he seemed both relieved and frightened.

“Why have you not sent word to the Inquisition for help?” Evelyn inquired, unable to keep the annoyance out of her voice. The undead were doing nothing to help her mood. The mayor looked to have abandoned hope and his people and she wasn’t fond of him at the moment.

The mayor, to his credit, looked ashamed by his actions. “We would but we don’t have any ravens anymore. And there are no merchants to carry our news. We are stuck here with the undead. Is there any way to stop them?” His voice was weary and without hope. The people needed a better leader than this if they would survive.

“The undead are coming from the lake, there are lights in the lake. If I can get down there then I can stop it.”

“It was darkspawn that flooded the lake ten years ago. It killed those in the village; mostly it was those infected by the Blight. We lost so many people then.” The mayor looked drained, like he had been carrying this weight for so long. Evelyn pitied the poor soul.

Ronan walked into the manor then. He jerked his chin to the opposite end of the house and Evelyn followed. Evelyn looked at his face, all colour leeched from his face. It was not easy to bury the scouts. She was so thankful that he took that burden from her. She cupped his face in her palm. His face relaxed ever so slightly. He didn’t say anything but Evelyn didn’t ask. They both knew.  After a few moments he sighed and gave her a grim smile to show his readiness. Together they rejoined the group.

The mayor was silent and no one in the group cared to start a conversation in her absence. The whole scene was somber.

“If the darkspawn flooded it, then can we drain the lake somehow?” Evelyn asked him. It was the only way to get access to the rift. But it was Ronan who answered.

“We saw a dam on our way here. Can we access it?”

The mayor fidgeted visibly. He wrung his hands, agitated more so than Evelyn thought appropriate. “Is there no other way?”

“Not if you want to stop this.” Evelyn answered. Something in her was trying to tell her something but she couldn’t put her finger on it. The feeling served only to make her more ill-tempered.

“There’s bandits!” The mayor exclaimed. “The dam is part of the old fort. They control it. The five of you wouldn’t stand a chance against them. We should think of another way.”

“We have enough soldiers outside Inquisitor. Let me assess it more thoroughly but I am confident in our success.” Ronan offered. Evelyn nodded.    

The mayor sighed. “I…see.” He resigned. He pulled out a key and handed it to Evelyn. “This key will allow you access to the controls. I am sorry that it came to this.” He looked utterly defeated.

“The effects of the blight echo for longer than we see. I am sorry that your town has suffered for so long without our help.” Evelyn’s words seem to make him feel worse. He left them without another word, leaving them by the fire.

Dorian waited until the mayor was out of earshot. “Everyone else was weirded out by him right? Wasn’t just me?” The group nodded except for Evelyn. He looked at her and she shrugged in response.

“He flooded the lake.” He said slowly, as if to a child. Suddenly that nagging feeling made sense. It was why she was so disturbed by him.

“Oh. well, I suspected but…” Dorian gave her a disbelieving look. “Whatever!” Everyone did their best to hide their smirks. She put on her best Inquisitor voice to get everyone back in line. “Someone should guard him while we are away make sure he doesn't escape, we will deal with him later. General, can your soldiers relieve the guards for the time being? Give them some much-needed rest. We will go to the cave and once we return I will want a battle plan for the fort.”

Ronan looked at her intensely. His blue eyes absorbed the firelight. “Aye Inquisitor.” His voice was deep, and the chill down her spine had nothing to do with the cold. She was dumbstruck for a moment before pulling herself together.

“Alright. Rest up for a few moments. Change into whatever dry clothes you have and let’s get back out there.”


	21. It all comes crashing down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of convos, some stuff from in game. I finally got to a part that I wanted to explore since the beginning.

The group was quiet as they rode back to Crestwood. The news hit each of them in a different way. The rain punctuating their mood perfectly. Evelyn kept looking at Blackwall who sat rigid on his horse.

He was mostly silent during the entire exchange. He seemed as surprised by the news as they were but Stroud did say that everyone hears the call in different extremes. He was so disturbed by the Grey Wardens actions that he left halfway through. They found him later pacing beside the horses. He couldn’t stand to hear his fellow Grey Wardens abandon their way. Evelyn didn’t try to speak with him, giving him time to work out his anger. But she would need his guidance when they went to Western Approach.

She looked at Dorian next. His face had gone white since they met with Stroud. She couldn’t exactly decipher his thoughts but she could guess. Another Tevinter enemy. She knew his loyalty to her but others would only see him as another Vint not to be trusted. The Grey Wardens being manipulated by a Tevinter mage is not something that needs to be spread around. She would have to work to make sure he isn’t targeted by association. _He must feel so alone right now. At least he has Flynn_. But even then it would be nice if he had someone else from Tevinter.  

She brought her horse up to his and put her hand on his.

“Paenitentia.” She spoke in Tevene. The look on his face would have been hilarious if the situation wasn’t so dire. His shock turned to gratitude and his face lifted into a small smile.

“Gratiam amicus.” He faced forward again but kept his hand clasped with hers. They rode in silence for a few moments.

“You used the wrong conjugation by the way.” He said nonchalantly, continuing facing forward.

Evelyn rolled her eyes and tsked.

“Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the effort despite the apparent lack on your part.” Behind his moustache a hint of smile graced his lips.

“Well that’s the last time I’m nice to you.” She said in mock offence.

He chuckled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

*****

They cleared the bandits with little difficulty. The hard part was cleaning up the fort following their eviction. The fort was already in rough shape before they got their hands on it. They moved the villagers in who were happy to help repair the fort to its former glory.

Ronan tried finding Evelyn following the battle but she seemed to have disappeared. No one knew where she went and she didn’t appear by dinnertime. He scoured the fort and found her in the farthest corner overlooking the lake and the rift.   Her back was to him, her cloak whipping around violently in the wind. The wind and rain pelted her but she didn’t seem to care. The rain did not stop while they fought and it did not stop when they won. It likely wouldn’t stop until they closed that rift.  Even then he didn’t know.

He tried calling out to her but the wind carried his voice away. He approached slowly to not scare her. But even when he came into her view she didn’t react. She was holding her rifle but staring out into the lake. The sight chilled his blood.

“Evee.” His whisper though barely audible seemed to pull her from her daze. Even in the rain he saw that she had been crying heavily. He gently took the rifle from her hands, she relented easily, and he pulled her towards him. She still barely responded to him.

“Evee.” He said again. He heard her whisper something that even though her mouth was close to his ear he couldn’t hear what she said.

He pulled her back. “What?” He asked gently. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. She stared at his chest.

“I killed someone today.” Sympathy flowed through him as took the time to process her statement. Surely this wasn’t the first time she has had to kill someone. Mostly she encountered demons but the attack on Haven included those not corrupted by Corypheus. He didn’t have any comforting words for her.

“At first I couldn’t do it.” She continued. “When they came into my sight I tried to pull the trigger but I…I lost my nerve. But then I imagined them as demons, they morphed into demons before my eyes and then I could do it.”

She raised her head to meet his eyes. “If they are demons then it’s okay…Ronan!” He didn’t realize he was gripping her arms tightly. So tightly it hurt. He released his grip.

He clenched his fists and looked away. “Evelyn…” He shook his head and turned back to her. His eyes flashed with anger.

“What were you thinking?! You can’t do that. You can’t treat them like demons. Even if you think it helps you.”

Her face scrunched in confusion. “Why not?” Normally her naivety wouldn’t bother him but not this time.

“Because they are human beings!” He shouted, his anger boiling over. She didn’t flinch at his voice. She dug her heels in and stared back at him.

“Ronan…” She began to argue but he cut her off.

“Never do that! Never dehumanize someone like that! A person died by your hands and you dishonour them by treating them as a demon. Do you know how many people I have killed?”

She shook her head. “No I don’t…”

“I do!” He pointed at his chest. “I remember every single person I have slain. You killed one person and treated them as a demon and that is more shameful than anything I have done.” His voice became dangerously low. “You told me the Inquisition was following the same path as the Chantry but your attitude tells me that you are not righting its course only leading it further into corruption.”

Her face crumbled at his remarks. The part of him that wasn’t angry regretted his words, but he still would have said them. She was their leader and her attitude held dangerous implications. But still….

“Evelyn…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that…”

“Leave me alone.” She didn’t look at him. She clutched the cloak around as if just realizing the rain.

He moved to try again but stopped himself. He turned and left her in the rain.

*****

People often complained about the noises in the rookery caused by the ravens. But Lelianna found the sounds soothing. Ravens meant everything was running smoothly. Like a well oiled machine. Today the machine was running at high speed.

The Inquisitor finally got word out of Crestwood. They made contact with Hawke’s ally; they cleared the bandits out of the fort and secured a stronghold for the Inquisition. And they closed the rift in the lake. Or what was the lake. The Inquisitor was bringing the mayor back to Skyhold for questioning. This would actually be an act of mercy since the town would likely hang him for his betrayal. She sent word to one of her messengers to prepare the cells for the mayor.

One particular raven came down from the entrance in the roof. This one was from her scouts in Starkhaven. She got weekly reports from them but they had mostly been uneventful. She didn’t expect this one to be any different. But she checked anyways, if only to get it out of the way. She unscrolled the letter and read the message.

She got only one line in before her hands almost dropped the letter. She reread the letter from the beginning just to be sure she didn’t make a mistake. Once finished she grabbed the nearest messenger and ordered her to get Cullen, he needed to see this. While waiting for him she began to formulate a plan. They would have to act quickly. Unsurprisingly she didn’t have to wait long for the Commander.

Storming up the stairs he walked over to her, his hair a mess and his face was haggard. Her heart softened at his appearance and she contemplated not sharing her news if only to save him the worry. But she needed him more than he needed rest so she showed him the letter.

His face didn’t change when he read it but his eyes darkened in anger. He crumbled the letter in his fist. “That fucking bastard!”

Lelianna took the letter from his fist gently. She would need to preserve it for later. “Yes, but what can we do about it?” She didn’t mean to sound so heartless; maybe she just didn’t have anything left in her to care that much.

“We need to get the Inquisitor back here now. She needs to be told in person not by a raven.”

“Wait…Should she be told?” Lelianna mused.

Cullen gaped at her in horror. “Lelianna she needs to know.” He said evenly.

Lelianna didn’t back down. “ _We_ need her to focus. If we lose her now we will not get her back. Corypheus will not wait for her. You know this Cullen. We can deal with him without her.”

Cullen appeared to be considering it. He ran his hand through his hair causing it to mess up further. Finally he sighed dejectedly. “Alright. But if she asks I will not lie to her.”

She nodded solemnly. “Nor will I.”

*****

Evelyn walked over the bridge to Skyhold along at the front. She avoided Ronan. He tried to apologize to her but she didn’t want to let him. She wasn’t angry with him, but she needed to think about his words. His words hurt her pride at first but as she thought about it more it wounded her more deeply. Because he was right. Her method for coping wasn’t fair to the world. While he didn’t say it she thought it made her no different than Corypheus. And _that_ she could never cope with. If she was going to lead the Inquisition then she needed to be better. She would talk to him later, but for now she didn’t want anyone around.

They had been gone for over a week and the fanfare for their arrival was deafening. They acted like they had come back from a victorious war. Well they were bringing back a prisoner.

She sent word ahead about the trial but she wasn’t any closer to a decision. She would have to ask for council on this, she would make the final decision but she needed outside opinions.

Her advisors greeted her in the courtyard as always. Josephine looking pristine and orderly, with a large stack of missives for Evelyn to look at. That pile almost made Evelyn turn around and ride back out into the mountains.

Lelianna and Cullen stood side by side stiffly. Well Lelianna looked calm but Cullen looked like he was ready to bite off the head of the first person to look at him funny. She deliberately led her horse towards Josephine despite her giant stack of papers.

“Good afternoon your worship.” Josephine bowed slightly as Evelyn dismounted. She handed the reins to a stablehand and embraced Josephine. She had come to appreciate not only her helpfulness but also her honesty. She trusted Josephine before anyone else in the Inquisition and so far she has been awarded for it. She saw a hint of a blush creep up her face before she schooled her features.

Evelyn turned towards the other two advisors. Lelianna nodded to her, which Evelyn reciprocated. She looked at Cullen next who gave the barest nod. She bristled at his behaviour. She thought he would have wanted to apologize for his behaviour but apparently not. She struggled not to roll her eyes at him. Instead she held her chin high and walked with Josephine up the stairwell to the main building.

*****

Ronan barked orders at his soldiers as they ran through the drills. He berated them harshly; his mood hadn’t tempered in the last few days in Skyhold. Whenever he met with Evelyn it was only in public and she only looked at him sadly.

“Alright enough!” He yelled at his recruits. “You’re done for the day. Tomorrow I want to see more energy out there, it looked like I was watching fish flopping around on a pier today. Do you hear me?” He got a chorus of ‘yessir’ in response. They were progressing well, but he wasn’t in the mood for ‘well’.

As they filtered out of the training grounds, Dorian approached the fence. He had his staff strapped to his back. He carried it around everywhere these days. Ronan wondered if that was in response to the news Stroud had.

Since their encounter on the way to Crestwood, Dorian had been extremely nice to him. He still held a protective shield over Evelyn but he seemed to trust him more. He must have known that they had a fight. At least he would have picked up on the fact that she didn’t ride with him at all on the way back.

“Hello General.” Dorian greeted him.

Ronan was tidying up the area, gathering his things. “I sent Flynn back to his quarters, you can find him there.” His voice was gruff and mentally scolded himself. Dorian had been nothing but amicable for their journey. He didn’t deserve that.

“I actually came to see you.” Dorian folded his arms in front of him and stroked his chin.

“Oh really?” Ronan inquired. He continued to pack up his things; he didn’t want to be on the grounds any longer.

“I see she hasn’t forgiven you yet.” Dorian observed. His voice was gentle but it piqued Ronan’s temper.

“Yeah? Did you come all the way down here to tell me that?” He didn’t bother containing his anger anymore.

Dorian sniffed. “Actually General, I came out here to help you.” Dorian said stiffly.

“You have an odd way of helping.”

Dorian ignored his quip. “Talk to her. She won’t come see you on her own.”

Ronan stopped packing. He shook his head. “I don’t think she wants to see me.”

Dorian unfolded his arms and leaned forward on the railing. “That is where you are wrong. She does. But she is much too stubborn to come see you. I happen to know that she will be alone tonight. Sounds like the perfect time to say the right things.” He pushed himself off the railing rested his hand in his palm. “But you didn’t hear it from me.” He began to walk away when Ronan grabbed his arm.

“Thank you Dorian.”

Dorian shook off his arm and shrugged his shoulders. “For what?” He winked at Ronan. “Good luck General.”

*****

Ronan made his way towards Evelyn’s room with a stack of papers. There was nothing on them. He just grabbed a bunch from the storage room on his way to see her. He just needed an excuse to be in her room tonight. If Dorian was right then she should be there alone. _If Dorian is wrong I will shave off his blasted moustache_.

He walked up to her door and knocked. He heard her faint reply to come up. He took a breath and opened the door. Walking up the stairs he was awestruck by the size and beauty of her room. His attention was soon captured by Evelyn standing in the middle of the room. She was dressed in a simple dress, barefoot. The heat from the fireplace filled the room with a comfortable temperature. Her hair was loose around her face. He caught himself staring.

He coughed and held the stack of papers in front of him. Realising his foolishness he brought them back down. “I don’t know why I did that. They are actually blank.”

Her face was soft, a smile flickered across her face but quickly disappeared. “It was good that you did.” Her eyes flittered, resting on his face for only a second before moving again. An awkward silence filled the air.

Ronan started to speak but then faltered. The distance between them was staggering. He needed to close the distance. He put the stack on the desk and slowly walked towards her.

“Evelyn…Evee…”

She cut him off. “Ronan I’m sorry.” She fidgeted with her hands before settling them at her sides. “I have been thinking of what you said. I didn’t want to see you until I was ready. But I have taken what you said to heart.”

Ronan closed the distance. “Evee what I said…”

“Was right.” She finished. “I need to remember them as people. I thought it would be better if I didn’t. Make it easier to kill them. But it didn’t in the end anyways.” Her eyes began to fill with tears. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get used it.”

“I’m not.” Ronan said gently. He stroked his hand through her hair. “I’m not, and I don’t think you should be either.” Tears began to fall from her eyes. He brushed them away. “I know that you’re not like the Chantry, or Corypheus, or Maeve.” He took a breath. “I know that you are a caring person Evee.” He bent down to kiss her cheeks where her tears had fallen. He pulled back. Her eyes still glistened but the tears had stopped.

“Thank you.” She whispered. “Thank you for being here.”

He smiled. “I told you. Wild mabaris would have to drag me away from your side.”

She laughed and it tugged on his heart.

She brushed her hands along his arms shyly. He snorted and pulled her towards him. She sighed into his chest.

“That stack is really just blank pages right?” She asked.

He pulled back. “Oh no! That’s actually a draft I’m sending to Varric. ‘Kilt or be killed’ the story of a Starkhaven lad accused of a murder he didn’t commit, now he must clear his name before the guard catches him!”  

She looked thoughtful. “I would actually read that.”

“Damn, now I’ll actually have to write that.” She laughed and pulled him into a kiss.

“Please don’t.”

“No no, I think you’re right. The world needs my book.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Kilt or be killed?”

“Yes.” Ronan looked very serious.

She appeared to consider it, she nodded. “Kill or be kilt is better.”

 

*****

General Ellis sat in the only other chair in Cullen’s office. He had invited the General to aide him in their plans for the Western Approach. Cullen was currently standing over a map of Thedas spread out on his desk. Sending the Inquisitor out there would be dangerous. But he couldn’t spare that many soldiers for that amount of time. There had to be another way.

Sending her out there would give him more time to deal with Starkhaven, with Vael. He kept his word and didn’t tell Evelyn, but it didn’t feel right. He glanced at the General. This man was in the Starkhaven military, how would he feel about the news? Would he leave as well? He deserved to know just as Evelyn did but Lelianna was right. The Inquisition needs them here. Cullen rubbed the back of his neck; he knew what it felt like to be kept in the dark _for the greater good_. He never thought he would be on this end of it. It left a terrible taste in his mouth.

“Are we any closer to a plan?” The General asked from his chair.

“Can’t you tell from all the way over there?” Cullen remarked.

Ellis had his legs swung over the arm. He was sifting through several sheets of paper, detailed reports from scouts in the area. He had poured them both a glass of whiskey but Cullen hadn’t touched his. The fire burned heartily. Ellis had his jacket undone completely. Cullen always kept a large fire going, he always found himself cold nowadays.

Ellis chuckled. “I can’t seem to make any progress here so I was hoping you had solved all of our problems.” He swung his legs off the arm and set the papers on the desk. He reached for his glass and sipped the last ounce. He looked at Cullen’s full glass before shrugging and pouring himself another.

“I think we are done for the day.” He proclaimed. He sipped from his glass, gesturing to Cullen’s.

Cullen looked at his glass. He had been staring at the map for almost an hour and wasn’t any closer to a solution. He stood up straighter and ran a hand through his hair.

“I think you might be right.” He grabbed his glass and took a long sip. The whiskey coated his throat, given him a little extra warmth.

Ellis snorted. “There we go!” He walked over to the chessboard. “Wanna play a game? I haven’t played in ages but I think I can give you a good run for your money.”

Cullen smiled. “Are we betting?”

Ellis pursed his lips. “How about training duty for the new recruits from Southmere?”

Cullen chuckled. “Alright! Set the board General.” He cleared the desk for the board and brought the other chair over. Ellis carefully set the pieces and settled into his chair, his glass resting in his palm. Cullen was white so he moved first. A comfortable silence fell over them; the only sound was the crackle of the fire.

Several moves in Cullen started to question just how out of practise Ellis really was. He left no quarter for Cullen to find an opening. Taking a risk, Cullen moved his bishop to take the man’s knight. It left his own knight vulnerable hoping the General would take the bait.

Ellis smirked. “Oh look! A knight just ripe for the taking. I should move my queen to take it shouldn’t I, nothing could go wrong right?” He took his time and sipped his whiskey.

“Or maybe it is a ruse and I don’t really want you to take it.” Cullen countered.

“I don’t think you have it in you to _ruse_ Commander.” Ellis remarked.

 _If only you knew._ “Well there is only one way to find out.” Cullen offered.

“Not tonight my friend.” He said as he maneuvered his pawn out to block the move and putting Cullen in check.

Cullen cursed at his lack of foresight. “I see…so you haven’t played in ages did you say?” He narrowed his eyes.

“Well, ages…months.” Ellis eyes were wide with innocence. “Maybe I played a few weeks ago. It is hard to remember…so the recruit training starts at dawn.” Ellis’s face broke into a grin.

Cullen stared at the board willing a move to appear. All he could do was sound a retreat. He pulled his king away. “I’ll make sure a messenger comes and wakes you in time then.”

Ellis peered at the board. The game was far from over but he had Cullen on the run.

“Did you hear the story about this knight during the second blight?” Ellis placed his hand on his bishop. “It was one of the last battles against the darkspawn. He went off to join the Grey Wardens but he left his wife behind. He decided to make this chastity belt for his wife, you know, until his return. He didn’t know how long he would be away but he assured her he would eventually return. Nonetheless he gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping just in case. Well, he had only ridden for a few miles when he friend came riding hard. He caught up with the knight saying ‘You gave me the wrong key!’”

Cullen choked on his whiskey. Ellis let out a lively laugh.

“Oh that was good!” Cullen continued chuckling.

Ellis smiled. “Good!” He moved his bishop into view of Cullen’s king. “Cause Checkmate.” He leaned back and sipped his whiskey.

Cullen stared at the move. He didn’t raise his head. “I could have you fired you know.” He said evenly.

Ellis shrugged. “I still would’ve won.”

Cullen chuckled then let out a long sigh. “Southmere recruits at dawn?”

Ellis nodded. “And they arrived fresh from the farms.”

Cullen groaned. Ellis chuckled and raised his palms. “Aye don’t worry about it, if you take my job that means I have to do yours. I’ve seen what your work does to you.” He began to reset the board.

Cullen snorted. “It isn’t so bad.”

Ellis rolled his eyes. “I’m the one that gets to see your face, you look like shit Commander.”

Cullen gave him a look. “I can still get you fired.”

“And you will still look like shit.”

Cullen shrugged uncomfortably. He didn’t like this conversation. He looked at the board and moved his pawn up.

“I used to play with my sister growing up. She would get this stuck-up grin every time she won. Which was all the time. My brother and I practised for weeks. The look on her face the day I finally won. **”** He chuckled.

Ellis smiled and tapped his chin. “My brother never wanted to play with me but my sister did. She was a cunning opponent. She played wildly but somehow she would whittle down my forces until I had to concede a draw. She would tell everyone that she defeated her militarily brother.   How a draw turns into a glorious victory I could never guess.” There was a mixture of fondness and sadness on his face. Cullen guessed the source.

“Siblings are good for that.”

Ellis nodded, the look still distance.

“How was Crestwood?” Cullen asked.

It was Ellis’s turn to shrug. “Alright. Rain didn’t stop for the first few days. I felt like I had grown fins by the second day. Rain finally stopped once we closed that bloody rift. And the mayor…I don’t know what Evee’s going to do about him. I wouldn’t know what to do in her shoes.” He moved his own pawn up.

Cullen looked up at his friend. _Evee?_ The General didn’t seem to notice his slip into the familiar. Cullen moved his bishop out. “How was the Inquisitor?” He asked innocently.

Ellis was moving his hand but faltered slightly. He recovered quickly and moved his knight. “Good. She has been holding everything together despite the news about the Grey Warden. Awful stuff isn’t it?” Ellis wanted to change the subject but Cullen didn’t let him.

He moved a pawn up. “So the rumours are true then. You like the Inquisitor.”

Ellis didn’t move his piece. He leaned back and placed his hands on the arms. “Isn’t everyone? I don’t see why I should be excluded from the list.” His voice sounded resentful and Cullen pitied the man. It couldn’t be easy to be so close to the Inquisitor yet still not close enough.

“No but I know what it’s like to love someone from afar and never get the chance to be with them. It might be easier to let her go.” Cullen advised.

Ellis’s face turned thoughtful. “What happened between you two?”

Cullen took a drink to give him some time. “What do you mean?”

He leaned over the board towards Cullen. “Before, you two were…” He raised his palms questioning.

“We were nothing.” He said calmly.

“Was that your choice?”

“It was mutual,” He said with a tone of finality. Cullen didn’t want to tell him that Evelyn was planning on running away, abandoning the Inquisition. That was on top of what happened with the Templars. No one could ever know that and Cullen was fine taking that with him to his grave. The world saw a bright, immoveable force in the Inquisitor. News of her faltering, her desertion, would cause some to abandon the Inquisition. He would not let that happen.

The General was scrutinizing him. “And now you two aren’t talking.”

“I’ve been meaning to apologize to her.” Cullen sighed. He had put it off for too long. “I said some terrible things to her, she didn’t deserve it.”

“You should tell her that.”

“You’re encouraging me to talk to her?” Cullen asked disbelieving.

Ellis shrugged. “I only know that it would make her happy and more importantly she deserves an apology from you.” He leaned forward again and moved his bishop up.

Cullen nodded. He had decided weeks before to apologize to Evelyn but he couldn’t bring himself to face her. But his friend was right she deserved an apology. He found an opening and moved his knight to take his bishop. Ellis cursed softly.

He put a hand over his pawn and tapped its head. He pursed his lips in thought.

“Have I told you the story of the fisherman and the salty sea captain…”

*****

Evelyn deliberately left the blinds open, allowing the sunlight to wake her up. The sun streamed through the windows, gently waking her up. Ronan had left during the night, his spot cold next to her. She looked forward to the day where they didn’t have to hide how they felt.

She stretched languidly and flung the covers off of her. The floor was chilly; the fire had gone out sometime in the night. She quickly walked over to her closet to pull out her leggings and stockings. She hopped into her pants and wrapped her breastband tightly. She didn’t have a lot to wrap but running still required it. She shrugged on a shirt and tied her hair in a tight braid. After putting on her boots she gave herself a once over before making her way down the stairs.

Opening the door to her room she collided with the solid wall of the commander. He had his fist raised to knock on her door. He stumbled back slightly in the collision but held his footing.

“Inquisitor! I…” He lowered his fist and used his hand to rub the back of his neck. His face turned a dark shade of red. “I was actually coming to see you.”

Evelyn collected herself, brushing her pants. “Well you came at a difficult time Commander.”

Cullen continued to rub his neck. His shoulders sagging, already defeated.

She jerked her head towards her room. “Come on.” She walked back into her room. Cullen followed, closing the door behind him. She went to her desk and sat down in her chair crossing her legs. He didn’t sit in the opposite, choosing to stand in the middle of the room. He glanced briefly at her bed. She hadn’t bothered to make it and she wondered if he noticed the Ronan shaped hole in it. He didn’t linger on the bed and turned to meet her eyes before talking.

“All of my life I wanted to be a Templar. When I was a child I begged the local Templars to teach me. At first they refused, I was too young. But eventually they let me join. I like to think that they saw something special in me but now I wonder if they saw someone who was so eager to be a Templar they would never question orders. I was only thirteen when I left home. Being a Templar is all that I know. I don’t know how to be anything else.” He took a breath before continuing.

“When Cassandra recruited me, I made a promise that I was done with that life. I was no longer a Templar. But when you disbanded the Templars…” He saw her stiffen. “…I reacted as if I was still in the circle. Others saw your decision as just after what the Templars did and have done for years. Me, I took it as a personal attack. I couldn’t see past the noble veneer to see the corruption and abuse.”

He paused again. The hardest part was yet to come. “I want you to know Evelyn, that I aim to fulfill that promise. I am not a Templar any longer. I have accepted that and have moved on.”  

She didn’t respond immediately. Her gaze bore into his. Cullen wondered if she knew how regal she looked on her ‘throne’. He consciously resisted shuffling his feet. Somehow her lack of response was worse than being angry.

After what felt like a millennia she spoke.

“Cullen.” She said softly. “You say you are done with that life, but it is as much a part of you now as when you were in the circle. It will always be a part of your life, just as my life back in Ostwick is part of mine. You are made of your past. It made you into the Commander of the Inquisition. I wouldn’t have you any other way. I don’t have a problem with your former life. What I have a problem with is when your former life controls you. You let it dictate your actions more than you may be aware of.”

“I am fully aware of what life as a Templar has done to me.” He said bitterly.

“Are you?” She questioned. She stood up from her chair. “Because I wonder.”

Cullen grew angry at ignorance. He stalked towards her, his voice low. “Believe me I know the sacrifices I have had to make. You have led a sheltered life. Even when you came here all we have done we have done to protect you.” He towered over here, using his height to try and intimidate her. She drew herself up, her eyes flashing.

She snorted derisively. “Protect me? You forced me into this! I asked for none of this! I never asked you to come here! I never asked for your protection.” Her face was so close to his. He could feel her breath on him, hot and angry. Her breathing causing her chest to lift and fall captivatingly. Something primal in him began to stir. He pushed it down.

“Yet here I am.” His voice low and gruff.

She searched his eyes. “What are you protecting me from?” She whispered.

Her mouth was slightly open, her lips were so close to his. All he would have to do is dip his head. His anger swirled inside him mixing with his primal urges. His breath became haggard. Her eyes never left his as he struggled to maintain control. He pushed himself away from her, hoping distance will calm his urges.

When he looked back she was still standing where he had left her. Her hands crossed over her chest, her head tilted. Her gaze was even and unflinching. She looked every inch like the Inquisitor.

He took a breath. “A letter arrived from Starkhaven.” He heard her gasp; she ran over to him and grabbed his arms.

“What did it say?”

Her eyes revealed her fear. She knew whatever news came from Starkhaven could not be good.

“Scouts reported Vael’s army marching into Ostwick.” She held her hand over her mouth. “He declared the country a bastion of the heretic and invaded. He ordered all those to swear fealty to him and renounce you as the Herald. Any who opposed…” He couldn’t finish. She was shaking her head.

“No this cannot be true. Vael wouldn’t do this. Not to innocent people.”

“When news came of you, the Herald of Andraste, many in Ostwick hailed you as their champion. He declared you a heretic before. Anyone who protects you is against the Chantry. He basically declared an Exalted March on you.”

Her face scrunched in horror and confusion. “But I haven’t been back there in years. Despite what they say they have nothing to do with me.”

“It didn’t matter.” Her shoulders sagged visibly. The weight of his words hitting home. All anger had left him. Concern flooding his thoughts.

She swallowed audibly. “Is there any news of my mother?” Her voice barely above a whisper. Her eyes shone, a moment away from weeping. Her eyes begged him to deny.

He couldn’t look her in the eye when he said, “I’m sorry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some difficulties with some bits here. I wanted to put some points in but I honestly wasn't happy with how it came out. But I didn't want to beat it to death so I left it in and moved on.   
> Sorry for sad stuff on Valentine's Day, didn't mean for that to line up like that :/
> 
> Paenitentia- I am sorry(expressing regret and remorse)
> 
> Gratiam amicus-I thank you friend.


	22. Reconciliation from our past

Ronan paced the war room. Josephine had left to retrieve Evelyn from her room; it should have been him that went. So he paced the room feeling useless.

They needed to move. They should have moved long before. It was foolish to think that Vael wouldn’t attack. All the warning signs were there. But he was distracted by his feelings for Evelyn, his happiness clouding his judgement. He was naïve to think that it should last.

News quickly spread of the invasion of Ostwick. Cullen informed him officially this morning but the whispers from the merchants reached him before Cullen did. He remembered the cold feeling washing over him as he processed the information.

He tried to see Evelyn but was blocked at the door by Sera who told him to ‘piss off’. He didn’t press, after all Sera wouldn’t know; she only sees him as a soldier from Starkhaven. So he left without being able to see Evelyn, without being able to comfort her in this tragedy.

He rounded up his men who had come with him from Starkhaven. He gave them the choice again. Things would be harder for them now. Some would only see them as enemies no matter that they have been part of the Inquisition for months. Fear makes people see only enemies. But again they refused. Despite his fear for their lives he was grateful for their loyalty.

“Do you mind?” He stopped and turned towards Lelianna who had her hip cocked and her elbow resting in her hand. Her steely eyes displayed her irritation. Cullen stood impassively by her side. He didn’t say anything as he continued to pace. He heard her tsk.

The door opened, cutting off Ronan’s retort. Josephine guided Evelyn into the room, the former had her arm wrapped around latter. Even from this distance Ronan could see her eyes were red from crying. Despite this Evelyn held her head high and looked at everyone in the eyes. When she reached Ronan he held out his hand to her. She took it and squeezed.

“I am so sorry Inquisitor.” Her face crumbled slightly, her eyes glistened again with new tears but she blinked them away. She swallowed and nodded. He wanted to pull her into a hug, try to take away some of her pain. But she moved away from him and walked towards the war table. Ronan took his place. Placing her palms on the table she took a deep breath.

“Thank you for coming.” Her voice quivered. She paused. “I don’t want to waste anyone’s time by being tactful.” She looked up at everyone. “I want Vael’s head for what he did.” Her voice no longer quivered, it was strong with vengeance.

Ronan saw Lelianna and Cullen exchange glances before Cullen spoke.

“Inquisitor, we cannot spare the forces to go after Vael. We are preparing for the Western Approach. The forces we would need to take on Starkhaven’s army would leave our forces decimated. Corypheus would seize on this opportunity and attack us again. We would not have the strength to defend against it.”

She shook her head. “I don’t care. We cannot let him get away with this.”

Cullen leaned forward on the table. “We cannot weaken our position for the sake of vengeance.”

“This is more than just petty vengeance. He killed innocent people! He slaughtered people just for saying they believed in me. How is that not worth fighting against?” She was glaring at him. Cullen returned her glare.

“What you want will bring ruin upon everyone one here. This is madness and you know it!”

She pushed herself off the table. “You will let this abomination go unchecked? What in the void are we doing here if we cannot help people? Tell me another way then! If we cannot send an army, then what can we do to stop him? You are my advisors.” She gestured her arms out wide. “Advise me.”

Ronan raised his hand towards them, placating the situation. “It’s true.” The room stopped giving him their full attention. “He will not stop at Ostwick, he has the resources to invade more than Ostwick. He will come for the Inquisitor and will destroy all those in his path to here.”

Cullen leaned back and folded his arms. “We cannot afford to send an army to Starkhaven.”

“Not an army.” He didn’t dare look at Evelyn. “Me.”

“No!” Evelyn and Cullen said at the same time. They looked at each other but it was Evelyn who spoke next.

“No, you cannot go to Starkhaven. He will hang you as soon as you cross the border.”

“We have to try. I know that many soldiers do not feel the same way as Vael does. He will have gone too far for their taste. I could make them turn. We may not be able to stop him from the outside, but inside we might stand a chance.”

“It isn’t such a bad idea Inquisitor.” Josephine chimed in. “We can also get through to the nobles, there are certainly sympathizers in hiding. If we can offer them sanctuary here that would help cripple his resources.”

“If he doesn’t have the support of the court he would be forced to reconsider his position.” Lelianna added. “I already have spies placed within, I could plant some rumours to help sway those on the fence. By the time the General reaches Starkhaven, they will be in full force.”

Ronan looked at Lelianna. “That would help greatly thank you.” Lelianna nodded.

Cullen cleared his throat. “I like the plan but I don’t like the idea of sending my General into the lion’s den. Is there anyone else we can send in his place? Josephine you must know someone who could parley on our behalf?”

Ronan answered before Josephine could. “I know the soldiers. I know the land. I know the people. I am the best person to go.” He turned to Evelyn. “You know that.”

Evelyn didn’t answer right away. She flicked her finger like she does when she is considering something she doesn’t like. She looked at him, her eyes shone pleading with him to reconsider. Their eyes held their silent conversation.

‘ _Please don’t go Ronan.’_

_‘I have to go. I can fix this.’_

_‘He will kill you.’_

_‘He can try. But I won’t let him.’_

_‘I can’t lose you.’_

_‘You won’t. I will come back to you.’_

She looked away. She looked at the rest of the group. “He will go.”

Josephine voiced was coated in sympathy. “We will keep him safe and bring him home Inquisitor.”

*****

Evelyn and Ronan made love that night. Her ferocity was different. She moved as if he was going to fade away at a moment’s notice. When they finished, she clung to him, as if holding him would prevent him from going to Starkhaven. She didn’t argue with him or try to convince him not to go. She knew he had to, she knew he would do everything in his power to come back to her. But she made it clear she didn’t like it. Eventually her breathing evened indicating that she had drifted off to sleep. He waited for a while before slipping out of her bed. She shifted but did not wake.

He gathered his clothes, changed, and left. He didn’t want to return to his rooms right away so he walked through the fortress. Given the hour, everyone had gone to bed. The only people up were the guards patrolling the walls. Crossing the courtyard he noticed Cullen’s window was lit. Curious, Ronan walked towards Cullen’s office.

Opening the door he saw Cullen hunched over his desk writing. He looked up when Ronan opened the door. His harsh face softened when he noticed Ronan. He sighed and folded his hands over his desk. Every candle was lit, illuminating the dark circles under his eyes.

“I see you cannot sleep either. I’m not surprised.” Cullen paused. “I know this must be really hard for you.”

Ronan only nodded, not knowing what to say. He was ashamed that his countrymen willingly slaughtered innocent people in Vael’s name. He was ashamed that he would be forever associated with that level of villainy. He regretted leaving Starkhaven. Maybe there he could have prevented the slaughter. Or maybe he would have been hanged for trying to stop it. Either way, this would hang over him. He didn’t think he would ever be able to overcome this guilt. Not while Vael remained alive and unpunished.

Cullen stretched and got up from his desk. He opened a bottle of whiskey and poured two glasses and wordlessly passed one glass to Ronan. He took it and took a long swallow, letting the alcohol warm his body. Cullen nodded and drank his own. He moved back to his desk and sat down with a sigh. Ronan took the cue and sat in the opposite chair. Neither spoke for several minutes.

“So you know why I can’t sleep.” Ronan said eventually. “But what about you?”

Cullen shifted uncomfortably. “There’s a lot to do now that you’re leaving. You’re not easily replaceable.” His eyes widened and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re not to blame for this. I suppose I’ve come to rely on you…more than I liked to think.”

Ronan smiled softly. “I’ll leave Flynn here. I know Dorian would light me on fire if I didn’t anyways.” Cullen chuckled but his face grew serious again.

“How is Evelyn doing?”

Ronan stiffened, Cullen wasn’t the type of person to play games but it made Ronan nervous nonetheless.

“She’s alright, considering the circumstances. Dorian and Sera are doing a good job keeping her company. Keeping her mind occupied. I’m glad they’re there for her. It’s never easy.” He thought back to Ana and his parents. He lost his parents only a few years ago but he thought about them everyday. And Ana…he was still dealing with that. The Breach caused her death, Corypheus’s Breach. His hands clenched at the thought of that monster.   

“No it isn’t.” Cullen replied. “I lost my parents during the Blight. I wasn’t even there when they died. I was in the circle when it happened. I only knew when my sister wrote to tell me. If I had been there I might have been to save them.” Cullen took a long drink.

Ronan didn’t answer; nothing would make either of them feel better.

Cullen sighed. “We’ve all lost people though, you would think we would be used to it by now.”

Ronan snorted. “I don’t ever want to get used to it. I have felt like I was about to die so many times before; be it from an arrow to my back or a sword through my gut. I have seen those same things that didn’t kill me kill others around me. I have seen the light fade from their eyes. Every time, it cuts my heart and I bleed for those I’ve lost. But I never want to lose that feeling.” Ronan downed the last of his drink and stood up suddenly restless. “I should leave. I leave in a few hours and I haven’t even packed.”

Cullen nodded and stood. He walked over to Ronan and held out his hand. He looked like he was struggling with something before saying, “Lelianna…She will send spies with you. Refuse any scouts she sends. Come home safe.”

The confession stunned Ronan, all he could do was shake his hand.

“I will.”

*****

Evelyn watched the sunset from her balcony. The day passed slowly with Dorian and Sera kept her company. They kept her mind occupied with stories, booze, games, and more booze. They were thoroughly drunk by the afternoon. There was general notice to stay away from the Inquisitor with her advisors handling the day-to-day chores in sterling fashion.

She resolved herself to get back to work tomorrow, but she allowed herself one more day to mourn her mother and her country. It wasn’t enough, but no amount would be enough time. She learned long ago that the world doesn’t care when you lose someone. It doesn’t stop to give you time to breathe and grieve. She wanted the world to stop for just one moment, to notice that her mother was gone. Instead it kept moving, people going on with their lives.

Your mother is supposed to be your foundation. Your bones. Evelyn didn’t feel that. She didn’t feel that lost connection that others found when they lose a parent. Like she did with her father. But when she thinks of her mother she didn’t feel that same pain. She felt pain, a deep pain. But when she lost her father she didn’t think the pain would ever leave. Now, she knew she would eventually recover from her sorrow. It wasn’t wisdom that gave her this understanding. It was love for one person over another. And that thought horrified her.

She mourned for her mother knowing that she didn’t love her as much as she should have. She remembered their last meeting before she left for Starkhaven. It was a terrible way to say goodbye. At the time she was angry with her mother. The things her mother said wrenched her insides.

_“I have wondered if I love you. I care for you. I want to see you happy, fulfilled, but sometimes I see you and I see your father and brother and not me at all, and then I don’t love you. I don’t like that feeling but I can’t help it.”_

Evelyn wondered if she really did love her mother. But how could she possibly not? Was it not her duty as a daughter to love her mother? What is a daughter without a mother? These thought haunted her like a bright flickering light just on the edge of your vision; persistent and unavoidable.

She forced her mind away to Ronan. She felt so alone as she watched him march out of Skyhold that morning. He promised he would come back. She had to trust that he would. If Vael killed him no one would be able to stop her from coming after him.

A spark in the conversation around her brought her back to her surroundings. Dorian was apparently drunk enough that he was getting bawdy with his stories. Causing Sera to rise to the challenge to outsmut the mage. Evelyn managed a smile. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the comfort of her friends that allowed her to smile.

A knock brought an abrupt halt to the competition. Dorian raised an eyebrow and sauntered over to the door. Evelyn heard murmuring from the doorway but couldn’t make out the voice. She heard the door close and two sets of footsteps ascend the stairs. Dorian returned with the Commander in tow. He was carrying a stack of papers in his hand.

Cullen cleared his throat. “Inquisitor, I know you need the space but I just need your approval on a few matters.” He gestured with his hand holding the stack. There were more than a few pages in the pile.

Sera got up roughly and stumbled towards the commander. She poked him hard in the chest. “Whad’re you doing here? Can’t you see she doesn’t want to be bothered by the likes of you!”

Cullen stared at the finger poking him. He looked at the others who were doing nothing to stop the assault. He was wearing his armour so it was likely hurting her more than him. He probably wasn’t even feeling it. Dorian and Evelyn gaped at the scene before Dorian grabbed the elf away from the commander.

“Well that’s enough for one day I think. Come along Sera, let’s leave these two alone.”

Sera deftly ducked out of his grasp but ruined it by stumbling backwards. “Frigging steps coming out of the floor!”  

Dorian reached for her shoulders and guided her down the stairs. “Those sneaky stairs…” Dorian turned back and gave a sympathetic look. Evelyn smiled reassuringly. She could handle whatever Cullen needed by herself.

She looked back at Cullen who was polishing the spot where Sera poked him. She didn’t notice a blemish but he must have. Once finished he looked up to see her staring at him. His face pinked slightly. He cleared his throat and moved to put the missives on her desk.

She sighed inwardly and got up to move inside. Compared to the outside, the inside was noticeably dark. She hadn’t bothered lighting any candles and the fireplace remained unlit. The only light coming from the setting sun. It cast the commander in an eerie glow.   

She moved to light a few candles, just enough to read the letters. The room was silent as she lit the candles. The commander didn’t bother with small talk, nor did she.

She read the first letter quickly and gave her signature. The alcohol blurred her vision but not enough that she couldn’t read it. Luckily the commander wrote plainly in neat military handwriting. She read the second and signed it. Picking up the third she read and stopped. She looked up at the commander who was watching her carefully.

“What do you mean by this?” She asked angrily.

Cullen didn’t shift or show any embarrassment. He must have anticipated her reaction. “It’s for a small unit to track down a valuable commodity.” His voice was clipped.

“We couldn’t send soldiers out to Starkhaven but we have enough for the Western Approach _and_ to chase after a disgraced Templar?”

His gloves creaked as he clenched his fists. “Samson is more than just a disgraced Templar. Lelianna’s intelligence believes he might be working with Corypheus, he is corrupting Templars with red lyrium. He is a dangerous man that must be brought to justice.”

“Could this not have waited just a few days?” Her head began to throb, the drinking starting to catch up with her.

“I don’t see why we should.” He replied tersely.

She sighed. She walked over to the table and poured herself a glass of water. It cleared her hear a little bit.

“Are you drunk?” He asked accusingly. His arms were folded in front of him. “I assumed the other two were drinking. I expected this of Sera and Dorian even but not you. What if someone were to see you?”

Fed up, she slammed the glass on the table. “What is your problem with me?” She glared at him but he remained unmoved by her fury. “Why? Why do you treat me differently?” She stalked towards him. “If Lelianna were drunk the day after her mother died you wouldn’t give her such grief! If Cassandra were trying to burn some of her pain away with friends and alcohol, you wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Why is it so different than me?”

“Because you are the Inquisitor!” He bellowed. His voice pelted her face. “You have a responsibility to uphold.   You don’t get the luxury of quitting. The world doesn’t stop…”

“I know!” She yelled back. Her eyes pricked with tears. “I know that Corypheus is out there. But you can’t give me one fucking day?!” Against her wishes, tears began to fall from her eyes.

Cullen’s eyes fell, shame crept over his face. “I should go.” He turned to walk away.

“No.” He stopped and turned around. “No.” She said again. “You don’t get to leave whenever you want and leave me in pieces like this. You will stay and we will finish this.”

He looked like he was going to leave again but he nodded. “You’re right. I…” He looked at her sadly. “…you’re right. Let’s talk.”

Evelyn swallowed. She wiped the tears from her face. The fury that raged through her began to fade away. “Cullen, why do you treat me like this now? What changed?”

His face was pale. He nervously flexed his hands. His amber eyes absorbed any light in the room. “I have often seen the people above me get corrupted over time. I’ve seen it time and time again. I cannot, I will not let it happen again.”

She looked at him in disbelief. “You think I’m like Meredith?” Evelyn was deeply hurt by that remark. How could he compare her to Meredith? Was his opinion of her that low?

Cullen flinched at the name. “No, what caused her to…” he trailed off. “…that was different.” He paused. “I think I waiting for you betray me.” He walked the distance towards her. His eyes bore into hers. “The night that Haven was attacked…were you going to leave?”

Her breathing became uneven. She looked up at him refusing to break eye contact. “Yes.” He sighed. “Cullen, I wanted to go home. I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t let me leave.” He let his head fall.

“I guess that we didn’t treat you kindly back then did we?” He raised his head, his eyes full of regret.

“I’m here now. I’m here until the end.” She grasped his shoulders. “But Cullen, I need to trust you. I need to know that I can rely on you when I need to. I don’t need you to like me, but I need you to trust me as well; because we are in this together whether we like it or not.”

His shoulders sagged. He was silent for several moments. Finally he spoke low and gravelly. “I am sorry. It was my through my own failings that I treated you so unkindly. I am unworthy of your forgiveness.”

She squeezed his shoulders. “You have it whether you think you are worthy or not.” His lips tweaked into a small smile. He looked so tired though. Despite all the pain he had put her through she felt sympathy for him. Ronan told her he wasn’t sleeping, nightmares and stress keeping him up.

His eyes drifted over her face and settled on her eyes. He opened his mouth several times shutting it each time without saying a word. He cleared his throat softly.

“I need to tell you something…You might want to sit down.”

*****

Ronan took only a few soldiers with him, he tried to not take those that had come with him but when he arrived at the stables in the morning he found them on their horses ready to go. There wasn’t anything he could do to change their minds. Another pang tug at his heart. At least Flynn respected his order and stayed. He needed him running the show while he was gone.

The march to ship was a sombre one. Everyone knew what awaited them on the other shore. He refused Lelianna’s scouts, just as Cullen advised. He still didn’t know what to do with that information, but he tucked it away for later. She protested but he managed to get her to agree as long as he sent daily reports back to Skyhold. The first letter he wrote they had just left the mountains.

“ _The air is warmer now. Still some snow. Will keep you posted on that account.”_ He smiled when he thought of her scowling while reading it.

Their journey to the ship was without incident thankfully. The Inquisition was doing a fantastic job keeping the roads safe from bandits. He felt safe keeping to the roads and they had the advantage of staying at Inquisition camps almost the entire way.

He brought Carston along. The man proved to be a vital asset to his team. Not only for keeping the morale high in the group, but he also was a good fighter. He had improved immensely since Ronan met him in Haven. And he was loyal, Ronan trusted the man and he knew he would benefit from having him along.

Reaching the ship brought Ronan back to his first trip across the sea to Ferelden. It was less than a year ago but it felt like so much longer. His life had changed so much in such a short time. His home has changed; he had changed. He just didn’t know by how much yet.

He sent several messages before boarding the ship knowing they would reach their destination well before they arrived at the shores. He thought about messaging his brother but decided against it. It would be dangerous either way. Connal is likely still working for Vael and would be caught in a perilous situation if Vael found out or worse Connal would betray Ronan to Vael. He didn’t want to think his brother would betray him like that. But maybe Connal thought Ronan had betrayed him already by leaving Starkhaven. Connal’s loyalty to his country was boundless. Either way, it was best to leave Connal in the dark about this, for now anyways.

Luckily this time the weather was milder. Ronan and his men were able to stay on the deck the entire time. He could actually see and enjoy the view this time around. The salt air clung to his hair and skin. He breathed in the air, savouring it. The trip was over before he wished.

A single horse was waiting for them at the shore. Despite the warmth the figure had their hood up. Ronan disembarked from the ship and told his men to stay back for a few moments. He approached the figure who didn’t acknowledge his approach. He pulled in front of the figure looking up into the cowl.

“Hello Calum.”


	23. Acoustic Provocations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter but it makes sense to end it there than in the next chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from a quote  
> “Almost pedantically, she added: "They're not really bombs-- they're acoustic provocations.”   
> J.G. Ballard, Millennium People

Ronan and Calum rode side by side in front of Ronan’s soldiers. They gave them a wide berth to talk in private. Neither were eager to divulge information right away. Despite years of friendship a chasm had developed between them. Calum kept his hood up. The heat was sweltering but he remained concealed within his cowl.

“Did you find her?” Calum asked from within his cowl. He remained facing forward, his horse waltzing through the terrain.

Ronan looked at his friend but his face was obscured. He was not surprised that he had figured it out about Evelyn. His message to Calum was a simple request to meet. Nothing about Evelyn. “Yes.”

“Good.” Was the reply. “Maybe then this will all be worth it.” Despite his words, his voice did not begrudge Ronan. Maybe Calum was really a romantic at heart.

“It isn’t why I’m here.” It was true. He would avenge Evelyn’s country but he needed to redeem himself as a soldier of Starkhaven. He couldn’t let Vael’s actions go unpunished.

“I didn’t expect you to return. I thought you knew that your return would be death. Likely at my hands, although Vael may do it himself. He is quite unpredictable these days.

“Yes, but this was…truly unexpected.”

“Was it?” Calum inquired. “Was this not the reason you left? He ordered you to march on Haven, surely you must have known this could happen.”

Ronan remembered that day vividly, it would forever be etched in his mind. He had been fighting it for a while but that order sent him over the edge. He couldn’t in good conscious follow Vael’s orders any longer. “Yes, but…”

“But you were happy.” Calum finished. He finally turned and face Ronan. His face full of sorrow. Ronan had never known Calum to have a family or a loved one. He was a private man but Ronan had known him long enough. But now, he wondered was secrets his friend had hidden from him. His friend turned back to face forward, obscuring his face once more.

“So why _is_ the new General of the Inquisition on my shores?”

“I’m here to negotiate Ostwick’s freedom.” That part was true. Vael had to die, but that part will come later.

“And?” He wouldn’t let Ronan off the hook that easily.

“Isn’t that enough?” Ronan asked.

“But you wouldn’t be here if that was the case.” Calum countered. “Ronan.” He turned again to face him. “Tell me.”

Ronan wanted to trust him. Calum had every opportunity to capture Ronan and bring him to Vael before and after his return. But he didn’t. He had to trust Calum if he had any hope of coming back to Evelyn.

“Vael needs to be stopped.”

“Yes he does.”

Ronan’s heart raced as he took a chance. “Will you help me?”

Calum didn’t respond right away. He took a few moments he answered. “Our army is stretched thin. We have managed to control the uprisings in Ostwick but at a cost. We lost many soldiers crossing their walls, despite our artillery. While we managed to breach their outer wall, their inner wall was covered in archers pelting us with arrows as we tried to breach their walls. We weren’t able to detonate any of our bombs without sacrificing soldiers. We gained the city but it was an empty victory. Now we struggle to maintain our hold over the population. There are skirmishes every day from the rebels. They lose each time but we are not without casualties. We will have to abandon the city soon. Our resources are scattered everywhere. We cannot keep Ostwick and hold back the Qunari who will retaliate at a moment’s notice. One needs to give. But each day that passes more of the people of Ostwick die.”

Ronan mulled over this vital information. “We can end this peacefully.” Ronan tried.

“Not if you kill Vael.”

“There won’t be an end to this while he remains alive.”

“If Vael dies while the Inquisition is here on a diplomatic mission, it will force Starkhaven to retaliate. It will rally people behind his martyrdom. There won’t be a way to prevent it.” Calum sighed regretfully. “I wish you had brought more soldiers.”

“Then this wouldn’t be a diplomatic mission.” Ronan replied dryly. Ronan heard a snort from underneath the hood.

“Prince Vael thinks he is helping the innocent people within Ostwick. I don’t know how the Inquisition is expected to persuade him. It may have been foolish to come my friend.”

There was silence following their exchange. They listened to the clicks of their horses’ hooves clomp on the trail.

If what Calum said it true then Vael will have to pull out of Ostwick eventually. But there was no telling when that would be. And what if Starkhaven doesn’t pull out? Calum could be underestimating Vael’s obsession. There had to be something that he could do to turn Vael’s attention elsewhere. Then something Calum mentioned struck Ronan.

“The Qunari.” Ronan stated.

Calum turned towards him. “They have been quiet recently.”

“What if they weren’t?”

“What do you mean? Do you know what they are planning?” Calum’s voice showed a hint of desperation.

Ronan shook his head. “No, but the Inquisition has a Qunari within its ranks. He’s might be able to incite a rumour that the Qunari are going to attack Starkhaven while your attention is elsewhere.”

Calum laughed dryly. “I heard about the Qunari, didn’t think it was true.” His tone turned serious. “We would need more than a rumour. And that would still put my men at risk. Fighting the Qunari is not better than fighting Ostwick.”

“No, but a threat of one coupled with a fledgling invasion could leave Vael without support and…I could help.”

“As Ronan?” Calum asked tentatively. “Vael will order your execution.”

“We will just have to not give him the option then.” Ronan said more confidently than he felt.

“Oh good, cause I was afraid this would be easy.” Calum said wryly.

Ronan laughed airily. “Has it ever been easy with me?” Even though he may have decided his own death, he felt lighter than he had been since he arrived.

 

*****

Lelianna watched Cullen pace around the war table. He would occasionally stop, stare at the door, shake his head, and resume pacing. Josephine was sitting at another table making notes, writing letters, doodling, Lelianna couldn’t discern from this angle. Lelianna herself was trying her best to remain calm. It wasn’t like Evelyn to be this late. She wasn’t worried about the Inquisitor, the fortress was safe, but she didn’t like to be kept waiting.

“Maybe she forgot.” Cullen inputted. It was an honest remark. He didn’t think the Inquisitor would keep them waiting for no reason. She looked at Cullen impassively. He maintained eye contact with her, his stare just as inscrutable.

She was trying to be nicer to Cullen. His stability was hanging by a thread these days. When she invited him to her room last night she made the diligent effort to be gentle and warm with him. If she was being honest with herself, she missed how they used to be. She hadn’t been able to love someone since Aedan. She didn’t think she ever would again. But what they had was comforting, in the beginning. Somewhere it went wrong.

“Maybe we should go look for her?” Josephine offered. She had rested her hands over her clipboard, careful not to smudge her writing. “She could be in the training yard, her room, Dorian’s…”

“I know where she is.” Cullen stated.

Lelianna raised an eyebrow at him. “Well show us then.”

Cullen tried to hide a flicker of embarrassment, but Lelianna could read his face like a book. He nodded and made his way to the door. Lelianna and Josephine walked quickly to follow him. He led them out to the hallway and down the hall towards the undercroft. Lelianna hadn’t been in there since they first cleared our Skyhold. Danga practically lived there but she didn’t consider Evelyn to spend much time down there.

Cullen opened the door and sure enough there was the Inquisitor hunched over her workbench Dagna was at her side practically bouncing with excitement, both were oblivious to their entrance.  The three of them looked around.

There were barrels and scraps everywhere. There was a large wall erected in the middle of the large room, with one side covered in dark marks.

Cullen tried clearing his throat but it didn’t capture their attention. Josephine let out a small giggle at the scene before stepping down into the lower level and approached the Inquisitor. She tapped her on the shoulder and with a start the Inquisitor turned around.

“Oh Maker!” She flushed with embarrassment. She looked past Josephine to Lelianna and Cullen. She gave an awkward wave with a soot covered hand before realizing their reason for being here. “Oh blast I forgot! We had a breakthrough and I didn’t realize the time.” She motioned for them to come closer. Cullen gave Lelianna a look before following the Inquisitor.

The Inquisitor was covered in what looked like dirt but much darker.  Her hands were stained and there were smudges on her face.  Her braided hair was undone and as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear she left a dark mark. She rearranged the parts on her desk and conversed lowly with Dagna who was going to leap into the air from excitement if she wasn’t careful. The Inquisitor carefully placed a vial of powder into a canister before sealing it. She presented it to the others.

“I tried to replicate what Maevaris used against us at Haven. It would have been easier with something to work off of but anything useful is buried under the snow. So I made due with what I could.” Despite her regret about Haven, she seemed quite proud by her achievements. She held out the ceramic canister for inspection. To Lelianna it didn’t appear to be anything worthwhile, but the Inquisitor held it as if it were precious.  

“I have to say I am surprised by this change of perspective.”   Lelianna remarked.

Evelyn drew herself up haughtily. “This shouldn’t be surprising. Do you think I am so stubborn I would let my own pride prevent me from making progress?   Beside, this isn’t going to be used against innocent people; this is going to be used against those already corrupted.”

 _I think you just can’t stand that this woman is beating you at your game. But justify it however you wish Inquisitor._ Lelianna’s face remained passive, not betraying her thoughts. “Of course.”

Cullen was looking at her but she refused to acknowledge him.

“And what does it do Inquisitor?” Josephine inquired.

Evelyn beamed at Josephine. “Let me show you.”

Evelyn brought them over to the other side of the wall. Black marks covered the floor and most of the walls. There was also a large hole in the middle.

“Unfortunately I can’t have you observe it directly but I can show you the aftermath.” She placed a straw dummy in the hole. Dagna then ushered everyone behind the wall. Evelyn looked at everyone, gave a smirk and tossed the canister around the wall. After only a moment they heard, and felt, the explosion. From their side they saw pieces of the dummy fly around them.

Lelianna’s ears rung from the explosion. She saw Cullen and Josephine had their hands around their ears. Dagan and Evelyn were unconcerned by the noise. The two immediately got up and went around to the other side. Lelianna got up, her ears still ringing, and followed them. The hole was bigger and the dummy was completely torn apart. She shook her head and the ringing disappeared enough to get her bearings back.

“Yeah we probably should have warned you but you get used to the ringing after a while.” Dagna informed them.

“This was a small canister. I could make these much much bigger. They can be carried safely to the battlefield as long as we don’t add the final ingredient until we are ready to use them. Then they have to be handled _very_ carefully. Anymore than a jostle will blow you and everyone around you up.” Evelyn was clearly pleased with her results. She was animated as she explained what other inventions she could make. Some could be timed or planted; a small reaction that takes place over time. Lelianna didn’t know if the Inquisitor truly didn’t know how much destruction she was describing as plainly as the weather.

“This is incredible Inquisitor.” Josephine said breathlessly.

Evelyn smiled shyly. “Thank you.” She turned to Cullen. “What do you think?”

Cullen tone was cold. “I think Corypheus will regret making enemies of us.”


	24. This Heart, All Evil Shed Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title comes from the Robert Brooke poem titled "The Soldier"
> 
> If I should die, think only this of me:  
>  That there’s some corner of a foreign field  
> That is for ever England. There shall be  
>  In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;  
> A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,  
>  Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,  
> A body of England’s, breathing English air,  
>  Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.
> 
> And think, this heart, all evil shed away,  
>  A pulse in the eternal mind, no less  
>  Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;  
> Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;  
>  And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,  
>  In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

Evelyn held her hat as a gust of wind tried to pull it away. She should have tied it like some of the others did. Dorian didn’t bother with a hat, despite his complaints he was enjoying the heat. His skin was a slight shade darker, given his skin a caramel tone. Blackwall wore his helmet the entire time and Evelyn was surprised he didn’t pass out from heat stroke. Cassandra scowled at the winds and sands, as if glowering would stop the assault on them.

Evelyn hated the Western Approach. The temperature was unbearable except for dawn and sunset. Other than that it was either sweltering or freezing. Their reason for being here wasn’t making it any better. Blackwall continued to draw in on himself. He was normally very tight-lipped on Warden affairs but he was mute to her questioning about the Calling. She gave up on any direct questions after awhile. But as they glimpsed the Tevinter ritual tower in the distance he became guarded and cagey. This cannot be easy for him. His allies are going mad and he was powerless to stop them.

They met Hawke and Varric the next day. Despite the heat and the circumstances, Varric was in good spirits. Having Hawke back did him good. It made her heart ache how they acted around each other. She felt very alone with them around.

Hawke was different than how she was in Skyhold. She didn’t look nervous, Evelyn didn’t think Hawke could ever be nervous about anything. But she was tense, as if her nerves were being stretched. Hawke’s plan was simple but it still made Evelyn anxious. They didn’t really know what they were facing despite Stroud’s information. They were set to attack the following morning.

They made camp in an old ruin and everyone quickly settled in. Everyone tried to get some sleep. Evelyn tossed and turned, despite her exhaustion from travelling, she could not sleep Her nerves getting the better of her. Finally giving up, she flung her covers off and got up. Shivering she grabbed her cloak and wrapped herself up, rubbing her arms for warmth. She grabbed her pipe and stepped outside.

She looked up and gazed at the stars. It was a clear night; there were no clouds to obscure the beautiful sight.   There were several soldiers patrolling the parameter of their camp. At that moment she was thankful for Cullen’s insistence of extra soldiers. At one post she recognized a particular soldier and made her way over.

“Do you mind if join you?”

In front of a pillar, Mila was peering over the dunes intently and was startled by Evelyn’s approach. “Inquisitor!” Mila smartly saluted Evelyn who nodded in return. “Of course!” She gestured for Evelyn to stand beside her and resumes her post. Evelyn propped a foot behind her and leaned back on the pillar. She stuffed the pipe with tobacco and striked the flint a few times to light the leaves. She took a long pull and exhaled slowly.

She looks beside her to see Mila eyeing her, or rather her pipe. “Would you like some?”

Mila started and looked away. “No Inquisitor, we are not supposed to take a break while on duty.

Evelyn smiled. “I think one time will be fine. I won’t tell those in charge if you won’t.” She finished with a wink.

Mila chuckled and took the pipe. The embers glowed as she took a pull from the pipe. She opened her mouth to exhale but a crack echoed from the dunes followed by a whistling sound as Mila’s head reeled back hitting the pillar. Her body began to slide down as another crack and whistling sound came from the dunes. This time it hit the pillar beside Evelyn and she ducked behind the pillar pulling Mila to safety.

Shouts sprung around the camp as several shots fired from the dunes. Evelyn looked at Mila’s wound. It was a grisly sight. The bullet fired through her face and passed through the back of her head. Blood covered Evelyn’s hands as she cradled her head. Mila was already dead; she probably didn’t even have time to register what happened. She gently placed Mila’s head on the ground and looked around. The entire camp was up but everything was in chaos. The ruins provided minimal cover and the dunes allowed their attackers to surround them.

Evelyn was close to her tent. But she would have to leave the safety of her hiding spot if she would be able to get to her weapons. She creeped her head around the pillar. Before she could, a bullet hit the pillar causing her to jump back behind cover. She heard shouts from the dunes, orders yelling in Tevinter. _Venatori!_ She cursed as she realized her mistake. She heard Dorian yelling for her. She didn’t want to risk him coming to help her.  

“Dorian! I’m here but don’t come over here! They are shooting at me!” She saw Dorian turn towards her.

“Ah. My fellow countrymen, rather rude to show up at this hour.” Dorian said sarcastically. “Are you alright? Can you come over here?”

Evelyn shook her head. “No! And my weapons are in my tent!”

She saw Hawke and Varric run and crouch beside Dorian. Hawke was holding Evelyn’s rifle and pistol. A large smile covered her face. “I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of pinching them when I heard the shots.”

Relief flooded her body at the sight. “I’ll forgive this transgression this time! Can you slide them over to me?” It was a long distance. If they fell short even a few feet they would be useless.

Hawke spoke quietly to Dorian who laughed.  Evelyn scowled at them.  Hawke placed the rifle on the ground. She pulled it back and slid it roughly along the ground towards Evelyn. It slid and stopped just before Evelyn but it was within reach. Next came the pistol, which Hawke successfully slid to Evelyn. Armed, Evelyn holstered her pistol and readied her rifle. She still couldn’t see anyone in the dunes. They could have moved to another location and she would have no idea.

“Any idea on what to do?” Evelyn called out.

“What to do is your job now Inquisitor.” Hawke replied.

Evelyn huffed and scanned her surroundings. If she could make it back to the group then she would be able to organize a retaliation. She just needed to get there without being shot.

“Dorian?”

“Yes?”

“Can you cover me?”

Dorian held out his palms. “With what exactly?”

Quelling her frustration. “Fire at the dunes so that they don’t shoot at me!”

“You should have said that in the first place!”   Dorian casted a lightning storm over the dunes and Evelyn took the opportunity to run from her hiding spot. As she ran she expected to hear shots from the dunes and the feeling of hot metal inside her body. But none came.

She made it to them safely and she let go of the breath she was holding.

“Okay, and now what?” Hawke demanded. Her weapons were drawn and an eager look covered her face.

The rest of the camp was under attack. They needed to help. She could hear gunfire from all around the camp. They were surrounded and it would only be a matter of time before they were picked off.

“We need to be able to see them. Our torches are preventing us from seeing into the dunes and we are lit up where we are. It’s easy pickings for them if we stay here.” Evelyn told the group.

Hawke’s face turned ghoulish. “So we go out and hunt them?”

“Don’t tell me you’re enjoying this?” Varric asked her.

“Okay I won’t tell you.” Hawke retorted.

Evelyn turned to face Dorian. “Dorian can you fire at the dunes again?”

“You mean cover you?” Dorian asked innocently.

“If we survive, remind me to tell Flynn about what happened at the Filthy Ox.”

A look of dread crossed his face. “Point taken.”

The group readied themselves. Dorian gave a nod and cast another lightning storm. As soon as the spell hit Evelyn dashed out from their cover and ran towards the dunes.

Evelyn slid behind a dune and surveyed her surroundings for a target. She caught a Venatori fighter readying a shot towards the camp. She raised her rifle and aimed. Doubt and apprehension filled her. She thought back to the advice Ronan told her. She held her breath and fired. Her shot rang true and the man crumbled.

She let out her breath and reloaded her shot as she moved away from her position. _Always keep moving!_ With a practised hand, she reloaded her rifle and scanned the area again. She saw a woman in the distance with a rifle matching her own. She was too far away to fire safely so Evelyn crept quickly to close the distance.

The woman stopped and aimed over a ridge of the dune. She fired and Evelyn heard the cry of one of her soldiers. Cold anger swept through her body, encasing Evelyn in icy numbness. The woman was off again, moving along the ridge away from Evelyn.

Evelyn followed the woman as she stopped to fire again. Evelyn used the opportunity to get close enough to fire. The woman crouched and readied her rifle. Evelyn quickly crept closer; she stopped and raised her rifle. Before Evelyn could fire, the woman turned towards Evelyn and fired her rifle at her. Evelyn instinctively fired before dodging out of the way. The bullet grazed her arm but she heard the woman scream in pain as Evelyn’s bullet found its home.

Evelyn swung the rifle on her back and took out her pistol before running towards the woman.

The woman was on her back trying to reload her rifle but Evelyn was too quick.

“Don’t move!” Evelyn aimed her pistol at the woman and she saw her drop her rifle in surrender. Evelyn slowed as she approached. She could hear the battle dying. It was too dark to see but she heard the shouts from her camp. Her side won. She heard Hawke shouting victoriously a ways away.

With her pistol still drawn she approached the woman. From the distance she could see the figure gripping her legs with both hands. The bullet cut through the calf, blooding pouring through her hands. As Evelyn approached she could finally recognise the woman.

She heard the woman chuckled, still clasping her leg to stop the bleeding. Maevaris greeted her. “Hello old friend.”

*****

 

Horse hooves echoed against the cobblestones of Ostwick’s capital. Ronan surveyed around him. It would easy to hide an assassin in one of the buildings. A well placed arrow would kill him and their hopes easily. Calum promised no harm would come to him inside Ostwick’s walls but he didn’t trust everyone to keep that promise.

No one was around to watch their march through the city. Calum informed him well before entering that the population hid inside their houses at all hours unless absolutely necessary. He didn’t see any patrols on his march either, which could have been Calum’s doing. The quiet only amplified the unease felt by Ronan. It felt too much like an ambush. Calum didn’t ride with him. He left Ronan soon after their meeting to see Vael. He trusted Calum. He was tied to Ronan now, even if he betrayed Ronan, his fate was tied to Ronan’s. But he trusted Calum to keep with the plan.

He appealed to Evelyn to authorize his plan. Since she was on her way to the Western Approach it took longer to get her response. They hammered out the details while they waited, coming up with a plan and then all the ways it could fail. They would never be entirely satisfied however.

He was careful in his letter to Evelyn to keep it professional. She probably laughed at his formality. His memories of her laugh kept him warm as he waited. He knew the letter would be going through the Inquisition, through Lelianna. He feared that Lelianna would keep the letter from Evelyn. He felt very helpless leaving their fate in Lelianna’s hands. That feeling didn’t leave him until he received a letter back from Evelyn. She had agreed to his plan. Attached was a letter from Cullen. It was short but filled with encouragement from the commander. A smile touched his face. Both letters were tucked inside his jacket pocket.

Ronan rode to the centre of the city. It was there that he was finally met by a city guard. He stood in the middle of the street alone. The guard raised his hand for Ronan and his crew to stop in front of him.

“Greetings General. We’ve been watching you since you’ve entered the city.” Ronan resisted the urge to look around him. Of course people would be watching the long-lost General of Vael’s army riding through Ostwick.

“So you have seen that I don’t bring you any harm.” Ronan offered.

“That remains to be seen.” The guard countered unconvinced. “State your purpose and then we will see.”

Ronan’s face remained neutral, his body was tense, ready to spring if necessary. “I am here to rid Ostwick of Starkhaven’s army.”   The guard smiled.

“Just you?”

Ronan let a small smile escape. “Well I have friends.”

“The Inquisition?”

The rumour spread quickly. If it reached the people of Ostwick then it must have reached Vael’s ears. There was no going back for him or his men.

Ronan swallowed. “Yes.”

The guard nodded. “Arling will see you then.” And he walked away forcing Ronan to follow. Ronan got off his horse, handing the reins to one of his men and walked after the guard.

The guard waited for Ronan at the edge of an alley. Once convinced that Ronan was following he stepped into the alley. After several twists and turns, Ronan found himself in front of an unmarked door amongst several. The guard rapped his knuckles against the door in a rhythmic pattern. The door opened enough for them to get through before closing again.

The room was dark and Ronan had to let his eyes adjust before being able to continue. Inside the room was filled with smoke from both pipes and incense. The smells mingled with the sweat of unwashed bodies. At the entrance Ronan saw people huddled together, peering at him silently. They clearly recognised him and were frightened by his presence. He followed the guard who had already disappeared into the next room.

In the next room the guard stood beside a woman sitting behind a desk. She was clearly the leader of this rebellion. Papers covered her desk along with a map of the city. She nodded at Ronan and motioned for him to sit down. He looked around the room. Several guards stood around the room. Sitting or standing, he would be cut down before he could escape. So he took the offered chair. He crossed his legs and leaned back casually. The leader smirked. She steepled her fingers, leaning her elbows on her desk.

“So you are here to free us from this tyranny?” Her voice was deep, filled with authority. It was clear how she became the leader of the rebellion. “Tell me General, you abandoned your allegiance to Starkhaven for the Inquisition. As a man who betrays the loyalty of his country, why should we trust you?”

The truth was always the best way, whenever possible. “I left because I couldn’t do the bidding of my Prince any longer. It was no longer right, I was not helping people.”

She peered over her fingers. “But how can we trust that you won’t betray us as you did Vael?”

“Don’t do what he did and I won’t.” She snorted. She leaned back.

“Your reputation before you left was sterling. People looked up to you. Admired you for your integrity. Now…they spit on the ground at the mention of your name.”

“They have only heard what Vael has told them. Once they know the truth…”

“They won’t believe you.”

“They will because they want to.” He uncrossed his legs and sat up. “They want to believe that I am here to save them. And I am.”

She looked at him. Finally she shook her head. “I can’t trust my people with you. I will not decide their fate. If the people believe, then I will do as they say but until then…”

Ronan nodded. “I understand.”

Her face softened. She wanted to believe him, he could turn the tide in this war. But if she was wrong then so many people would die. And she couldn’t take that chance. Ronan understood that.

He moved to stand but stopped. “While I am here…”

She waved her hand. “I will not stop you General. I will inform my troops not to impede your work. However, if I see that you are not true to your word. You will not see the dagger or the arrow that ends your life.

Ronan nodded and stood up. He left the room and back to his troops. Once back on his horse he turned to his men who waited attentively.

“We have our work cut out for us.”

 

*****

Two women sat at opposite ends of a table in a tent. One was a prisoner but the only indication was the chains around her wrists and ankles. She certainly wasn’t acting like a prisoner. The other sat forward, hands clasped in front of her. Tension and silence filled the room.

Evelyn frowned at her prisoner. It had been only an hour since she had captured Maevaris. The rest of the Inquisition captured those who had not fled, Maevaris included. Now Evelyn had her in front of her, and the women wouldn’t talk.

Maevaris wore a small smile on her face as she sat casually in her chair. She looked as if she had all the time in the world. And she did. In a couple of hours Evelyn would have to leave with Hawke to find the Wardens. But they couldn’t put it off. She was afraid of Maevaris, of what she might do if left alone.

Finally breaking the silence, Evelyn unclasped her hands. “Tell me why.”

Maevaris held her smile and her gaze. “Because I know what the winning sides are, and yours isn’t it.”

“If you hadn’t joined Corypheus…”

“You would still be losing.”

Evelyn took a breath. She was losing the conversation. She was letting the woman get under her skin. Instead she took Maevaris’s weapon from the floor and placed it on the table.

“How did you get this?”

Maevaris finally let an emotion slip through. Her chin rose slightly, defensively. “I designed it.”

Evelyn levelled her gaze. “No you didn’t. This is practically a replica of mine. How did you come by it?”

“You mean to ask if there are spies in your midst?” Maevaris laughed. “Oh Evee you are naïve to think otherwise.”

Evelyn cringed inwardly at the name. She hated how Maevaris made her feel so small.

“What has Corypheus promised you in exchange for your service?”

Maevaris looked at Evelyn knowingly. Evelyn was being blunt, she didn’t know how to play the game. “I will rule over the Free Marches.”

Evelyn shook her head. “He wouldn’t let you. He doesn’t have to give you anything, and he won’t if he gets what wants. He wants absolute power, nothing less.”

Maevaris’s chains clanked as she spread her palms up. “Even if that were the case. A well place bullet will put an end to him like anyone else.”

“It won’t!” Evelyn exclaimed. It wouldn’t hurt her to tell Maevaris the truth about Corypheus. “He isn’t mortal, not exactly.”

Maevaris’s face flickered in confusion for a moment before it returned to a calm exterior. “How?”

“If he…dies…he comes back in another body. You wouldn’t be able to kill him.”

Evelyn could see a small debate behind her eyes. Maevaris was not stupid, if she could be made to see the writing on the wall, she could be convinced.

“What are your plans for me? What will the Inquisitor do with her prisoner? Will you execute me?” Maevaris defiantly stared at Evelyn, whatever doubt Evelyn stirred in her before was gone.

“We will bring you to Skyhold, and I will pass judgement on you then.”

“And not now?”

“No.”

“Why? I’m here now.” She opened her hands invitingly. “Or maybe it isn’t really your decision. Maybe it never was.” Another smile crept onto her face.  “You don’t have the authority to do anything. If you didn’t have that mark on your hand you wouldn’t be Inquisitor.” Despite herself, Evelyn glanced at her left hand. Maevaris continued. “If you would lose the mark tomorrow, no one would follow you. I know you cannot go back to Starkhaven, you don’t have anywhere to go.”

Evelyn stood up abruptly, clearly disturbed by her words. Without a word she left the tent and walked to the edge of camp. She could see the edges of dawn approaching. Only a few hours until she would have to leave. She took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. She berated herself for getting so agitated by that woman. But she was bothered because her words hit home. _What am I doing? Really?_ She felt like a child.

She heard movement behind her and saw Cassandra stop beside her.

“How is the prisoner?” Cassandra had her hands folded behind her back. Her demeanour was sympathetic. She must have known how hard this was for her.

Evelyn didn’t want to answer.

“I understand that you knew each other before the Breach.”

Evelyn nodded. “We used worked together long ago.”

“Was she a friend? She acts like you two were friends.”

Evelyn snorted derisively. “I don’t think we were ever friends, not really. We were always competing, for everything…even now.”

“What have you decided to do with her?” Cassandra asked curiously.

Evelyn let out another breath. “I don’t know.” She turned to Cassandra. Despite their relationship, Evelyn felt the urgent need to be honest. “Am I leading the Inquisition?”

Cassandra frowned as she thought. “You are asking me if I think you are fit to be leading us?” She was silent for a few moments. “There have been many leaders in the past, kings, queens, who have power thrust upon them. Some have earned that right through trials and challenges that make them worthy. Others believe that they are entitled to command without any merit only through circumstance.”

Cassandra turned to look at Evelyn. “I believe that you are the former, but you haven’t realized it yet. And that holds you back.” With a nod Cassandra turned and left Evelyn alone.

Evelyn considered her words. She didn’t feel worthy…but why not? _I battled a fucking dragon and a man that won’t die!_ She clenched her fists and strode back to the tent. She swung the tent flaps open and walked up to Maevaris and leaned back in surprise. Evelyn placed her fists on the table.

“I am offering you to come to Skyhold with me, you will be protected from Corypheus, in exchange for your service to me.” Maevaris started to open her mouth to respond. “If you don’t, I will kill you tonight.”

Maevaris raised her eyes. “You won’t.”  

Evelyn leaned forward. She didn’t say anything, just kept her gaze. Maevaris held the gaze for a moment then dropped her eyes.

“What you are asking is…Can you give me a moment to think about it?”

“No.” Evelyn kept her position, close and invading. Maevaris looked up at Evelyn.

“Can you really protect me?” Maevaris whispered.

Evelyn pushed off the table and crossed her arms. “I can. You won’t be able to leave Skyhold, for any reason. But as long as you are within the walls you will be safe. In exchange, you will build weapons for me. You have armed the Venatori with other guns I assume?”

“Yes, although only I have the design. They won’t be able to make more.”

“They can make more from the ones that they have though.”

Maevaris smiled devilishly. “They can try.”

*****

Evelyn took her crew with Hawke to find the Wardens and stop the blood ritual. She felt uneasy about leaving Maevaris, even after her promise. She told the guard to be vigilant for any attacks; Corypheus would not want to lose her so easily. She wrote a letter to Skyhold but didn’t send it. She would feel much better once this whole ordeal was over and they were returning to Skyhold. She would feel even better once she was back. And Ronan was back. She wanted him back.  His plan was ludicrous. But if anyone was going to pull it off it would be him. But she missed him dearly. She wasn’t sure how he would feel about her deal with Maevaris. But she would convince him that it was the right thing to do.

And it was, she was sure of it. Without Maevaris’s designs, Corypheus was significantly weaker. She would have to be constantly watched. She didn’t trust Maevaris enough to not try and escape.

They rode back from the tower in low spirits. The reality was worse than anything she could have imagined. Blackwall was dispirited, silent and slumping over his saddle. The Wardens have betrayed them all. They would have to hurry back to Skyhold to plan their next move.

They rode over a ridge and saw the smoke. It was coming from their camp. _Maevaris!_ Evelyn kicked her horse and galloped towards the camp as quickly as she could. Once there she saw the carnage.

Bodies of soldiers were strewn around the camp. The tents were burned to the ground. No one was left alive. Evelyn jumped off her horse and looked around for any sign of life. No one stirred. She ran to where Maevaris had been kept and saw the tent crumpled and burned. There was no sign of Maevaris.

An icy stone formed in her gut. _Was it all a ruse? Did Maevaris fake it all? And I fell for it._

Evelyn walked towards the tent, kicked the fabric, and let out a primal scream of frustration. She fell down to her knees, defeated and lost. It was there that she saw the note. It was addressed to her.

 

_Inquisitor,_

_I apologize for leaving under these circumstances but I could never join you and the Inquisition. For all your hatred of me know that we are the same you and I. We could never be on the same side. Not then and not now. Next time, shoot me, don’t leave me alive. I would not have granted you the same courtesy._

_Maevaris_

 

Evelyn dropped the note and hung her head.


End file.
